Am I just a big baby...
It got to me, I was choked up. Tears were welling up in my eyes.
Is it me, the triple negative hormones, the chemo roller coaster...I've never been this overly sensitive to something so silly before. Although I do seem to be crying at the drop of a head wrap these days.
Has anyone else reacted so oddly to something so innocuous? Will it get better?
Comments
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Oh, Yellow One -
Breast cancer is not for sissies, no matter how well you're doing, or what stage of treatment you're in, and often emotions you think you're dealing with just sneak up on you.
I think everything kind of hit me all at once after I finished chemo, when I had about a month break in treatment before I started radiation, and I went through a period where I burst into tears every time someone asked me "How are you?"
At least, at that point, I had my pick of excuses to use: It's the chemo, it's the Tamoxifen, uncontrollable sobbing is a side effect of the radiation -- I mean, who was going to argue with me?
But yes, it does get better -- once I finished treatment, and got through my first post-treatment mammogram at 3 months, then I felt like I could start thinking about Life After Cancer a little bit. Your body and your spirit have been through so much in the past months -- I think you have to just be gentle with yourself right now.
Traci0 -
Traci, hope you realizeTraciInLA said:Oh, Yellow One -
Breast cancer is not for sissies, no matter how well you're doing, or what stage of treatment you're in, and often emotions you think you're dealing with just sneak up on you.
I think everything kind of hit me all at once after I finished chemo, when I had about a month break in treatment before I started radiation, and I went through a period where I burst into tears every time someone asked me "How are you?"
At least, at that point, I had my pick of excuses to use: It's the chemo, it's the Tamoxifen, uncontrollable sobbing is a side effect of the radiation -- I mean, who was going to argue with me?
But yes, it does get better -- once I finished treatment, and got through my first post-treatment mammogram at 3 months, then I felt like I could start thinking about Life After Cancer a little bit. Your body and your spirit have been through so much in the past months -- I think you have to just be gentle with yourself right now.
Traci
Traci I hope you realize how valuable you are to so many of us. You always answer a question and give all the rest of us reading such insight and hope and encouragement! Thank you for being on this forum!0 -
No it is not just you. I
No it is not just you. I felt that way this weekend, one minute Im as happy as can be, next thing I know I just wanted to sleep and cry, and I finished most of my chemo back in April, and finished radiation the 26th of May. But I understand I'm still on chemo med Herceptin till October and I started Tamoxifen. We try to be so strong and positive all the time for a long time. We just have to remember that its ok to give ourselves a little break.0 -
I'm the same way.
I find I try to be smiling and strong with the people who don't "get it" and then with the great friends who do, I break down like a baby--did that last night with a dear friend on the phone who unfortunately lives far away. I just wanted to be in her arms getting warm hugs. I hate feeling like a baby. I'm done with chemo and just started radiation. I thought I'd be on cloud nine to be done with the chemo (and believe me I'm so glad I am) but my emotions say otherwise. Hang in there--we'll get through this and it won't be this hard forever. Hugs to you,
Renee0 -
I agree, cavedivercavediver said:Traci, hope you realize
Traci I hope you realize how valuable you are to so many of us. You always answer a question and give all the rest of us reading such insight and hope and encouragement! Thank you for being on this forum!
I love reading Traci's posts. I love everyone's -- it's fascinating how people's personalities can come through these small writings. Some people I value for their no-nonsense information and advice, some for their spirituality, some for their wonderful humor, some for the ability and willingness to express the raw emotions of our journey. Love you all!0 -
Yes, and yes!
I was diagnosed last September, just in time for the overwhelmingly pink month of October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month! A few short days after my diagnosis I went to the market and the Bakery had a display of pink ribbon shaped cookies, which sort of hit me like a Mack truck at the time.
The good news is, it will get better. The path we all travel is similar but not the same and is rarely a straight path, but is usually filled with dips, shadows, pinnacles, light, curves and all sorts of variety. At least you are not alone on your path. We're all here holding your hand.
Cindy0 -
another Desert Storm For MEcindycflynn said:Yes, and yes!
I was diagnosed last September, just in time for the overwhelmingly pink month of October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month! A few short days after my diagnosis I went to the market and the Bakery had a display of pink ribbon shaped cookies, which sort of hit me like a Mack truck at the time.
The good news is, it will get better. The path we all travel is similar but not the same and is rarely a straight path, but is usually filled with dips, shadows, pinnacles, light, curves and all sorts of variety. At least you are not alone on your path. We're all here holding your hand.
Cindy
When I was going through chemo it was like everything I watched or heard was about my life and breast cancer. It was all too consuming and had to quit watching the new. The crying thing has always been my thing can't sit through most commercials without shedding tears. Oh well I always knew the bladder was connected to the eyeball anyways.
It isn't because we are sensative or babies it is because this is all there is and staying positive when we are not is quite draining and leaves us raw and vaulnerable. It is easy staring fear in the mirror everyday.
I learned to be my own best friend and learned to treat myself as I do my very best friends and life got a little easier to take. Resigning to all of it was my way of taking control of my life.
Tara0 -
For whatever reason, I can24242 said:another Desert Storm For ME
When I was going through chemo it was like everything I watched or heard was about my life and breast cancer. It was all too consuming and had to quit watching the new. The crying thing has always been my thing can't sit through most commercials without shedding tears. Oh well I always knew the bladder was connected to the eyeball anyways.
It isn't because we are sensative or babies it is because this is all there is and staying positive when we are not is quite draining and leaves us raw and vaulnerable. It is easy staring fear in the mirror everyday.
I learned to be my own best friend and learned to treat myself as I do my very best friends and life got a little easier to take. Resigning to all of it was my way of taking control of my life.
Tara
For whatever reason, I can make is through the big, hard stuff. It's the little stuff that kills me. I'm not a big league cryer, but every once in a while, I would cry over something small or a reminder of the way it used to be. You are not weak when this happens; don't think that the worst is coming or that you are different than anyone else.
And it does get better...it just takes some time. You will come to a point in time when it's time to look forward and forget the surgeries and treatments. You will have such relief then.
Joyce0 -
I'm so grateful
I'm so grateful to all who ask the questions I might have but have not asked! When I was 45 and going through perimenopause I cried A LOT! Everything made me cry - happy or sad or angry. By the time I was 52 and post menopausal I thought life would get easier -DID NOT HAPPEN! My son was getting married, I was having frequent dripping wet hotflashes all the time, I cried at the drop of a hat and was miserable. I went to see a phsychiatrist and went on Wellbutrin. I was better for awhile and then 2 sisters were dx w/bc 18 mos apart. I started to worry.... A couple of years later I couldn't stand the hotflashes every 15 min. They had taken over my life. I went on low dose FEM hrt w/my gyn's constant eye. 4 years ago I started to fall down, breaking both shoulders, living through a bone infection, 11 surgeries in 2 1/2 years - my life was turned upside down and I started to cry again.
So far I've been strong and show a confident optomistic face to most people. My BLM was last week. I see my surgeon tomorrow. I'm assuming I'll meet the oncologist and start chemo in about a month - as prepared as I'm trying to get - I think my down time will be spent crying. What a waste of energy! I don't want to get nauseous, gain weight, have my bones hurt any more than they do already. BC is a bummer but I am a survivor. Keep asking all the questions. I'm taking lots of notes. And yes, Traci your picture and thoughts are so helpful to many of us! Thank you,
Char0 -
emotions run high
I too experience emotions at the weirdest times. I consider myself to be pretty tough, but do realize these emotions will surface and need to surface. I was diagnosed last december and as expected, initially just numb and scared. Once I had surgery (lumpectomy) and node negative - I was flying high. Then started chemo (cancer had not spread, but was aggressive type, so chemo was next step). The anticipation of chemo was worse than actually going through it (although I hope to never experience it again
). During the 4 month chemo experience, I did find myself crying at the smallest things (a TV commercial, etc) or whenever I tried to discuss my emotions with friends, etc. I joined a "healing through art" class that has allowed my to express some of the emotions I have been feeling. We meditate, the instructor than guides us through some topic, then we paint or draw in our visual journals. It has been a rewarding (and sometimes painful) experience, but I think it is helping me come to terms with some of the fear of having cancer. I just completed chemo and start radiation next week. RIght now I am feeling elated as my energy level returns and I feel like Barb again. It is a process we all continue to journey through. Hang in there! 0 -
Yes you are a Big Baby Doll
Yes you are a Big Baby Doll who needs a hug because you are being pulled in several different directions by so many hands. Those hands are tugging at your arms for veins, making you change into ugly clothing so they can check out your body, basically handling you like you are a baby doll. They care and thats why with all the treatment and tugging we sometimes go from feeling like baby dolls to feeling like rag dolls. Hope this makes some sense. ;0)
I'm not one to cry, but I have shed more tears this past year than I think I have ever shed. Yes again, like you, the tears just appeared at the drop of a head wrap, hat, or pin. Go with the flow. You are going thru a monumental process and your body is reacting. It's OK and you are OK. As Traci said, this is not for sissies. We are one tough group.
Whenever I see breast cancer ribbons, it reminds me that I truly understand what all that pink really means. I am a pink survivor and so are you.0 -
neuropathy is nerve damageJean 0609 said:Dumb question
What is neuropathy?
neuropathy is nerve damage from chemo. numbness. tingling pain. usually in hands and feet. I had it in my face, eyes (briefly) still have in my hands and feet. It is slowly getting better. Some people get it from diabetes too. can go away or be permanant.0 -
Traci is so wise! What sheTraciInLA said:Oh, Yellow One -
Breast cancer is not for sissies, no matter how well you're doing, or what stage of treatment you're in, and often emotions you think you're dealing with just sneak up on you.
I think everything kind of hit me all at once after I finished chemo, when I had about a month break in treatment before I started radiation, and I went through a period where I burst into tears every time someone asked me "How are you?"
At least, at that point, I had my pick of excuses to use: It's the chemo, it's the Tamoxifen, uncontrollable sobbing is a side effect of the radiation -- I mean, who was going to argue with me?
But yes, it does get better -- once I finished treatment, and got through my first post-treatment mammogram at 3 months, then I felt like I could start thinking about Life After Cancer a little bit. Your body and your spirit have been through so much in the past months -- I think you have to just be gentle with yourself right now.
Traci
Traci is so wise! What she wrote is exactly what I was thinking, I just didn't have the skill as she does! There is Life after Cancer!
Good luck!0 -
Thankscarkris said:neuropathy is nerve damage
neuropathy is nerve damage from chemo. numbness. tingling pain. usually in hands and feet. I had it in my face, eyes (briefly) still have in my hands and feet. It is slowly getting better. Some people get it from diabetes too. can go away or be permanant.
Thanks for the info. I am learning a lot here.0 -
I haven't cried
I was diagnosed in March - mastectomy in April, cancer free now, starting on Arimidex but no tears so far - am I still in denial? I reacted badly when first told I had cancer - passed out in dr's office. She laid out options - told me to go home to think, cry,get mad, scream, whatever I needed and come back (soon) with a decision. But I never got past the "thinking" stage and made decision to go with her recommendation of mastectomy. Why can't I just get mad, cry or whatever???0 -
Maybe crying is just not your thingEdnaM said:I haven't cried
I was diagnosed in March - mastectomy in April, cancer free now, starting on Arimidex but no tears so far - am I still in denial? I reacted badly when first told I had cancer - passed out in dr's office. She laid out options - told me to go home to think, cry,get mad, scream, whatever I needed and come back (soon) with a decision. But I never got past the "thinking" stage and made decision to go with her recommendation of mastectomy. Why can't I just get mad, cry or whatever???
If you don't cry, at least your nose doesn't get red and you save on kleenex. Something may set you off someday, and maybe not. Lots of us would give anything to NOT be criers. I'm not so weepy now, but at one point I was almost debilitated by non-stop tears. These days, I'm mostly (mostly) unemotional about it all and that works for me. However you cope and process it all is fine, Edna.0 -
Thank you for that...natly15 said:Yes you are a Big Baby Doll
Yes you are a Big Baby Doll who needs a hug because you are being pulled in several different directions by so many hands. Those hands are tugging at your arms for veins, making you change into ugly clothing so they can check out your body, basically handling you like you are a baby doll. They care and thats why with all the treatment and tugging we sometimes go from feeling like baby dolls to feeling like rag dolls. Hope this makes some sense. ;0)
I'm not one to cry, but I have shed more tears this past year than I think I have ever shed. Yes again, like you, the tears just appeared at the drop of a head wrap, hat, or pin. Go with the flow. You are going thru a monumental process and your body is reacting. It's OK and you are OK. As Traci said, this is not for sissies. We are one tough group.
Whenever I see breast cancer ribbons, it reminds me that I truly understand what all that pink really means. I am a pink survivor and so are you.
when life has handed me lemons...I usually squeeze the little guys and freeze the juice. Now I consider sewing them into my right cup.
I have always been one to 'stuff' my feelings so that I might deal with them at a later more convenient time.
When I was diagnosed I thought about my mom, she survived uterine cancer back in the early 60s when all they did was cut the sucker out, kept you in the hospital about a week, and suggested you buy a new hat should you feel blue. There was no chemo therapy, no hormones, no radiation, and no follow-up. She went on another 40 years to see her 7 kids graduate from high school, college, and meet her 5 grandchildren.
Oddly, even at 53 years of age, my instinct was to be comforted at her bosom as I all I wanted to do was sob. I know my mother would never have suggested I buy a new hat to feel better. Although, I look around me now and I see more than a dozen hats. *sigh* Maybe I have subconsciously followed that sage 1950s hat wisdom. I'll let you know if I get the urge to wear heels and pearls while working in the kitchen, then an intervention might be planned.
I agree, cancer is not for sissies. I just feel compelled to hold it together for the benefit of outsiders.0
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