Do you ever have just one of those days?

jo jo
jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have been tryin really hard not to have a meltdown...but im just on that edge if just one more thing goes wrong.....
Lately ive been over whelmed with having so many doctors appointments and tests and on and on and on....does it ever end?
Plus im worried about a couple of tests...the bone density scan that i just had monday, they said they would have the results by weds/thurs, yet my doctors are calling each other and talking but nobody is telling me anything yet....thats usually not a good sign.
Plus im a little worried about a large mass they found behind my breastbone and they want to do a biopsy on it but are deciding if it can wait till after my implant surgery on the 14th, and also i have to get an echocardiogram done cuz they think now something might be wrong with my heart from the chemo. Also im in the middle of changing oncologist so i dont have the guidance i need for that with everything going on.
ITs not often that i let this get to me, i usually have a good attitude and just take what ever comes my way and yes even try to find humor in it all...but right now i just feel like curling up in a ball and just cry.
Sorry for being such a downer but thanks for letting me vent!
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Comments

  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #2
    I'm sorry all this is happening.
    You're not being a downer. This is enough to get even the most optimistic frustrated. I feel your pain in all this.

    I'll pray God gives you comfort and peace always but especially during times like these. I have this book someone gave me during my diagnosis and treatment and I ran across this beautiful poem:

    I don't look back ~ God knows the fruitless efforts,
    The wasted hours, the sinning, the regrets;
    I leave them all with Him Who blots the record
    And mercifully forgives and then forgets.

    I don't look forward ~ God sees the future,
    The road that, short or long, will lead me home;
    And He will face with me its every trial
    And bear for me the burdens that may come.

    I don't look around me ~ then would fears assail me,
    So wild the tumult of earth's restless seas,
    So dark the world, so filled with woe and evil,
    So vain the hope of comfort or ease.

    I don't look in ~ for then am I most wretched;
    Myself has naught on which to stay my trust.
    Nothing I see save failures and short-comings
    And weak endeavors crumbling into dust.

    But--I look up ~ into the face of Jesus,
    For there my heart can rest, my fears are stilled;
    And there is joy and love and light for darkness
    And perfect peace, and every hope fulfilled.

    Blessings and peace,

    Sylvia
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #3
    "Care for a little stress
    "Care for a little stress with that coffee, ma'am?" jo jo, you have been strong through quite a lot. Just know that the waiting gets to all of us at some point during this journey. And I bet we've all cried at some point. It DOES get better. This is a great place to vent. We're right with you. <<hugs>> xoxoxo Lynn
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #4
    hang in there JoJo
    I am sorry you are in the 'overwhelmed' state....I recognize that! This journey is long and mysterious at times, and very hard to keep positive at times. We want to be in control, but in reality we are not. The test results will come, what is...is....and you can deal with anything as you have. The waiting always is hard, but I know you are strong and can get through this. It seems nonending at times....but you are on the road and traveling in the right direction. My thoughts are with you for strength and encouragement.
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    #5
    cavediver said:

    hang in there JoJo
    I am sorry you are in the 'overwhelmed' state....I recognize that! This journey is long and mysterious at times, and very hard to keep positive at times. We want to be in control, but in reality we are not. The test results will come, what is...is....and you can deal with anything as you have. The waiting always is hard, but I know you are strong and can get through this. It seems nonending at times....but you are on the road and traveling in the right direction. My thoughts are with you for strength and encouragement.

    Yes, I have had one of those
    Yes, I have had one of those days. And it seems that every day is one of those days. I saw that you were here at 1am, so you are having sleepless nights, it is hard to find someone outside of here that can understand what you are going through. I have recently had a reoccurance, so I am going through all this again and again and it does not get any easier. It always makes me feel better to come here and vent.
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    #6
    Yes there are bad days
    Many of them. It will get better. I've been through treatment, except for the Zometa, but I feel very good. I have bone met in my hip, so they think. They are treating the spot as if it is. I don't have the fear and worry like I did. I asked my surgeon if it will "come back", he said yes, but it may take 120 years. In other words, don't worry about it. It will get better. I'm so happy, I'm starting to get "bed-head" again. Hair is slowly coming back. Good luck, you will feel better.
  • greyhoundluvr
    greyhoundluvr Member Posts: 402
    #7
    JoJo
    Without a doubt it can be overwhelming some days and it often seems like everything piles up together. I'm very sorry that you are having to go through this and so worried. I don't think the bone density test is diagnostic for anything other than osteoporosis so if something showed up, they may just be trying to decide how to best treat it (especially since those same drugs are now coming to the forefront as having some positive attributes in preventing cancer and recurrences). You good attitude and humor always show on your posts but you can't expect that this will never get to you - just as you often lighten things up for the rest of us, we are here for you when you need us. I hope you get some answers soon and they are all good ones!

    Chris
  • putzie
    putzie Member Posts: 66 Member
    #8
    Big Hugs to you Jo
    Big Hugs to you Jo Jo....yes, we do have those days and it sounds like you are going through more than alot of us right now. I have hit the proverbial wall a couple of times but always bounce back. Just keep positive hon and know that we are all here to hold one another up!!!!
  • GregStahl
    GregStahl Member Posts: 188
    #9
    Why cant
    they do the biopsy on the mass when they do the implant surgery? You will be out and they will have that area opened already, why not ask for them to do it then.
  • camsgram
    camsgram Member Posts: 106
    #10
    JoJo I am so sorry you are
    JoJo I am so sorry you are going through all this. You are so strong and positive and this to shall pass. I am thinking about you and will keep you in my prayers. Please keep us updated. Kathie
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #11
    Yes, and those days are hard
    Jo Jo--we've all had 'em and it's totally okay to have a meltdown or two--in fact, it's necessary. I've been trying to keep a smile on my face and everything bottled up when I don't feel like it, and at some point, you just break down and it's actually okay. We're human--not robots or machines. We have many emotions (especially as women)and that's beautiful. Go with the flow, honey, cry when you need to, and when you're ready, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again! We care--keep us posted, please.

    Renee
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #12
    JoJo,
    I'm so sorry about all the stuff you are facing. Some days it rolls over us and some days it just knocks you off your feet. I hoping and praying for good news for you. Always come here -to vent, to give, to take, to laugh or to cry. We love you, JoJo!

    Big hugs for you,

    Sue
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #13
    Thanks everyone...I needed that positive attitude right now!
    Im feeling a little better right now...last night i had my little meltdown and cried on my sisters shoulder and vented to all of you...I think thats just what i needed to just let thoughs bad negative feeling go so i can pick myself back up and start fresh all over again as hard as it is to do. Someone had said something about me not sleeping...ive had insomnia for at least the last month or more and i dont know why...does tamoxifen cause that cuz i think thats the only thing different ive taken in the last couple months.

    Thank you sea60 for that awesome poem!!!
    Gregstahl - The mass that they found is behind my breastbone but its almost to my spine and they were talking about a biopsy that they stick this really long needle thru my side like behind my lungs?...to get to it...and he said they wont even put me all the way out for it, I forget what they call it.

    Once again i want to just tell all of you how much better i feel just reading your kind uplifting words and im starting to get my positive attitude back because of it and because i know all of you understand what im going through and its just my turn now to go threw it. I know it will turn out ok even if i have to fight cancer again or have a bad heart or get osteoporosis or whatever else...I will fight it just like i fought the breast cancer one step and one day at a time with a smile on my face and brass knuckles in my hands!
  • HeartofSoul
    HeartofSoul Member Posts: 729 Member
    #14
    jo jo said:

    Thanks everyone...I needed that positive attitude right now!
    Im feeling a little better right now...last night i had my little meltdown and cried on my sisters shoulder and vented to all of you...I think thats just what i needed to just let thoughs bad negative feeling go so i can pick myself back up and start fresh all over again as hard as it is to do. Someone had said something about me not sleeping...ive had insomnia for at least the last month or more and i dont know why...does tamoxifen cause that cuz i think thats the only thing different ive taken in the last couple months.

    Thank you sea60 for that awesome poem!!!
    Gregstahl - The mass that they found is behind my breastbone but its almost to my spine and they were talking about a biopsy that they stick this really long needle thru my side like behind my lungs?...to get to it...and he said they wont even put me all the way out for it, I forget what they call it.

    Once again i want to just tell all of you how much better i feel just reading your kind uplifting words and im starting to get my positive attitude back because of it and because i know all of you understand what im going through and its just my turn now to go threw it. I know it will turn out ok even if i have to fight cancer again or have a bad heart or get osteoporosis or whatever else...I will fight it just like i fought the breast cancer one step and one day at a time with a smile on my face and brass knuckles in my hands!

    Were here for you Jo Jo,
    Were here for you Jo Jo, emotioanlly, spiritually, and as mentors. No one walks alone, we walk beside you.


    "Were There to Walk Beside You"

    People will open their arms to support you
    and to listen to your point of view

    At first you may feel shy
    so we say take a big sigh
    and the time for a healthy cry

    Do not feel alone
    as each one of us
    will show you how its done

    Today may be hard
    and the world so unfair
    as your body may seems on guard
    but never forget, we care

    Reach out and feel the bond
    as we cancer survivors walk along your side
    and always holding your hand
    If we look to each other as a trusted guide
    Those lonely moments will surely subside

    The sun will again shine
    as life will rise up again
    and reappear newly defined
    surrounded by many new friends

    Steve Heart of Soul
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #15
    sea60 said:

    I'm sorry all this is happening.
    You're not being a downer. This is enough to get even the most optimistic frustrated. I feel your pain in all this.

    I'll pray God gives you comfort and peace always but especially during times like these. I have this book someone gave me during my diagnosis and treatment and I ran across this beautiful poem:

    I don't look back ~ God knows the fruitless efforts,
    The wasted hours, the sinning, the regrets;
    I leave them all with Him Who blots the record
    And mercifully forgives and then forgets.

    I don't look forward ~ God sees the future,
    The road that, short or long, will lead me home;
    And He will face with me its every trial
    And bear for me the burdens that may come.

    I don't look around me ~ then would fears assail me,
    So wild the tumult of earth's restless seas,
    So dark the world, so filled with woe and evil,
    So vain the hope of comfort or ease.

    I don't look in ~ for then am I most wretched;
    Myself has naught on which to stay my trust.
    Nothing I see save failures and short-comings
    And weak endeavors crumbling into dust.

    But--I look up ~ into the face of Jesus,
    For there my heart can rest, my fears are stilled;
    And there is joy and love and light for darkness
    And perfect peace, and every hope fulfilled.

    Blessings and peace,

    Sylvia

    So sorry been there my self
    Sometimes it all gets overwhelming and to much to handle . I have had them meltdowns myself. Cant help it just happens.. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Go ahead and cry. {{{{{HUGS }}}}}} Take care Kay
  • sohardbnme
    sohardbnme Member Posts: 129
    #16
    Wow...
    You are not being a downer...I am usually hyper and laughing...(Teary Eyed)
    Life shows up with NO notification and we MUST adjust...
    This is alot to take in...
  • sohardbnme
    sohardbnme Member Posts: 129
    #17
    HeartofSoul said:

    Were here for you Jo Jo,
    Were here for you Jo Jo, emotioanlly, spiritually, and as mentors. No one walks alone, we walk beside you.


    "Were There to Walk Beside You"

    People will open their arms to support you
    and to listen to your point of view

    At first you may feel shy
    so we say take a big sigh
    and the time for a healthy cry

    Do not feel alone
    as each one of us
    will show you how its done

    Today may be hard
    and the world so unfair
    as your body may seems on guard
    but never forget, we care

    Reach out and feel the bond
    as we cancer survivors walk along your side
    and always holding your hand
    If we look to each other as a trusted guide
    Those lonely moments will surely subside

    The sun will again shine
    as life will rise up again
    and reappear newly defined
    surrounded by many new friends

    Steve Heart of Soul

    Teary Eyed
    I need support...
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #18
    sohardbnme said:

    Wow...
    You are not being a downer...I am usually hyper and laughing...(Teary Eyed)
    Life shows up with NO notification and we MUST adjust...
    This is alot to take in...

    sohardbnme you came to the
    sohardbnme you came to the right place for support cuz look at all of you that are here for me when i need it!
    Steve the poem was really awesome...thank you!
  • 2Floridiansisters
    2Floridiansisters Member Posts: 384 Member
    #19
    jo jo said:

    sohardbnme you came to the
    sohardbnme you came to the right place for support cuz look at all of you that are here for me when i need it!
    Steve the poem was really awesome...thank you!

    Hi JoJo
    Boy can I relate, all I've done for the past day or so is fall apart emotionally, physically I think I'm doing well considering I had chemo on Wednesday. Some days are just gonna suck no matter how hard we just want to get through them.

    Love Ronda
  • hopeful in tally
    hopeful in tally Member Posts: 56
    #20
    2Floridiansisters said:

    Hi JoJo
    Boy can I relate, all I've done for the past day or so is fall apart emotionally, physically I think I'm doing well considering I had chemo on Wednesday. Some days are just gonna suck no matter how hard we just want to get through them.

    Love Ronda

    JO JO is not a loner (isn't
    JO JO is not a loner (isn't that from a song?) ... no you are an inspiration to so many of us who are experiencing similar situations. Tears are ok ... as long as you get past them to the realization that we have total control of how we deal with each situation. The most promising outcomes will come from positive energy and humor....pass it on!
  • jo jo
    jo jo Member Posts: 1,175
    #21
    2Floridiansisters said:

    Hi JoJo
    Boy can I relate, all I've done for the past day or so is fall apart emotionally, physically I think I'm doing well considering I had chemo on Wednesday. Some days are just gonna suck no matter how hard we just want to get through them.

    Love Ronda

    Thats why i love this site
    Thats why i love this site cuz everyone can relate to what im going thru...emotionally, spiritually and physically!!
    and your right Rhonda somedays are gonna sux no matter what we do.
    Sorry your going thru chemo right now...i feel for ya and pray its a mild one for ya!

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