treatment or emotional stress?

Sally5 said:

Wow. I know exactly how you
Wow. I know exactly how you feel. Before surgery, I let the stress get to me. I wanted to get my ducks in a row. At home and at work before surgery. It was like my world turned upside down.

I was just diagnosed end of March and had surgery in May. (At 7 weeks today) Two days after I was diagnosed it was such a beautiful sunny day. I realized we let the stress of every day get in the way of seeing the good.

So..... breathe. Stop and listen to the birds chirp. It sounds silly, but stress.. isn't going to help; no matter what the issue is.

I am giving (and taking) this advice. I am not sure I have all the answers, but I can listen.
I have great family and friends but most can NOT relate. You are not alone. We can relate.

Take care

Chickadee1955 said:

My younger daughter lives in
My younger daughter lives in a different state. She is struggling with the fact that she is not here with me to help. She is a very emotional person and very attached to her Mom. I told her that at this time I needed to be totally selfish, so the best help would be to stay where she is so that I don't need to expend my energy in 'protecting her'. She can come visit me, but doesn't need to be here all the time. Over the phone it is easier to stay upbeat and to reassure that everything is okay. She totally understood, thank goodness, but all that to say Yes! its an emotional rollercoaster and we wives/moms have a really hard time letting our pain/needs surface in view of our loved ones.

Fortunately I have a great husband to whom I can reveal myself. Early on I told him that as I was undergoing a BLM I would find it very disturbing if I saw him ogling other women. Not that he had a habit of doing so, but I wanted him to know how sensitive I anticipated being about the subject and expected him to be cognizant of that. He actually appreciated the fact I told him I would be hurt and angry if I felt I was being compared. He's the one I can always respond truthfully too when he asked how I am doing.

lynn1950 said:

Hi Ayse - Which was harder?
Hi Ayse - Which was harder? emotional distress: treatment....for me, emotional distress beat out treatment 10:1 . I know what you mean about the expectations of others, too. It's a bit of a trap, isn't it?

Ah...coping - Try to take each day as it comes and remember to breath. That may sound funny, but a good breath can really help reduce one's stress level. I also use some meditation tapes that help take me to a better place when I am really upset. I began seeing a therapist at the end of treatment and also began taking antidepressants. Your cancer center may have a social worker/therapist who you can talk with about different strategies for coping.

Of course, coming here to CSN is a great coping tool. It's definitely helped save my sanity! : )

xoxoxox Lynn

mariam_11_09 said:

I hear you about about the

I hear you about about the 'Be Strong' speech. I usually tell people that I want to be real, real about how I feel, real about the fears, the joys, the feeling of being lost, unsure, uncertain and that the so called 'positive' thinking attitude can undermine what is really here.

I like to take one day at a time, today I have diarrhea, I feel a little anxious, my nose bleeds and am wondering how I am going to get everything done. If I let go of the wondering how to get everything done and live in this moment of typeing this message the anxiety dissapates. The diarrhea is still there as are the nose bleeds but that is alright.


I have also been questioning where I am in life and how I have compromised my own needs for the sake of my daughter or the person I have been in a relationship with other the years. How I don't even know what I really want or where I want to be. And that all this alright. We don't have to have the answers or figure anything out, things will evolve in their own time and the best we can do for ourselves right now, is be right here for whatever we feel emotionally and physically.

I have found Ekhart Tolle - The Power of Now to be a useful book to read. It challenges our way of thinking and being in the world and opens us up to something new to reflect upon.

much love to you.

Flakey_Flake said:

Think of Yourself First
Hello aysemari,

I understand what you mean by being pressured that you need to make a change. It isn't uncommon for our loving friends to have expectations of us. But if you are going to make a change to your view of life, it should be because your view has actually changed - not because you are feeling pressured to do so.

I think all of us have learned how to give the "fake smile" to someone because they are broaching a topic we don't want to deal with at the moment, and the "fake smile" will make them feel alright, and the confrontation is over. I think that is okay to do. The people you are "fake-smiling" to may be genuinely concerned, but some things are none of their business. You life-views are your business, and your business only. If you are comfortable opening up and confiding in the person, by all means - it would be great. But you have to think of yourself first to battle the beast. You will have others you can count on (particularily on this board) that will meet your feelings with understanding and compassion. We are not martyrs, we are mortals with a huge life-altering experience to deal with.

I shouldn't be preaching. I do the same thing, more often than not. I don't make like I have the big answer to everything, but will often "make happy" when I may feel down. With me the funny part is that when I "make happy" I usually start to feel happy.

I guess my bottom line is not to worry about what others are thinking - just worry about yourself and getting through this. It is very emotional, and we all need to express our emotions some way, some how. But it should always be a comfortable experience.

Hope to read more posts from you. You must be extremely empathetic and compassionate. My prayers are with you. The greatest strength and advice I've found are a gift of God, through my Lord Jesus. I've explored alot of different things in my life, but there is nothing like faith in God.

Sharon

Christine Louise said:

Acting too strong
I made the "mistake" of acting so strong that now certain people expect too much of me, as if I'm back to the way I was before bc and none of my treatment was all that difficult. NOT! Hard to convince them that I'm not just being uncooperative when I have to say "no" to everything they want me to do.

I've gotta say, I'm a believer in the usefulness of anti-depressants. I don't think they keep a person from seeing reality; they just change the intensity of the emotional reaction to reality. That can be really helpful.