Help me, what do you think?

junklady · June 2010

Hi all-This is what I am thinking. My husband has end stage laryngeal cancer. I think it's definitely getting worse. He sleeps all day most days. He was on Hydrocodone 10/325. Said it wasn't working, now got Oxycodone IR 5mg. Now he said that's not working, so I see him combining them to kill the pain. At this point I don't want to see him in pain. Another thing, he has been on a buying kick. Bought a new, big riding lawnmower, but he already has one. A new weed eater, has 2, a walk behind rototiller. He has a tractor with a big tiller. another gun, the man has enough guns to last a lifetime. For me an I Pad, I Touch, 2 1/2 carat ring. He said it's for putting up with his crap. Besides the sleeping, he is only eating about 300 calories per day. Not good. Hasn't pooped in days, the urine color still looks good. The tumors are growing on the surface, behind the trach and in the clavicle area. It's painful. The smell is just horrible, like **** and vomit combined. I run a small food business at the local flea market for the summer. Ironically today someone approached me and asked if I wanted to sell it. Maybe this is a indicator that I should, just to stay home with my man. Too many things going on, but I think I'm keeping ahead of the game. I'm okay, except when dealing with the stupid people. So I truly think these are the pre active stages of dying. Give me some input, what do think?

AnnaLeigh · June 2010

Living with no regrets
Hi Junklady,

I am sorry you are having to deal with so many things right now when all you probably want is some peace, reassurance, compassion, some hugs, and some quality time with your husband while he is still here with you. Are you able to call in some hospice care to deal with administering the proper pain medications and dosages? They are wonderful people who can take this burden off of your shoulders and also provide other solutions to your husband's care so that you can perform the most important job of just being there with him.

My husband has also gone on the "spending spree" and we are watching our savings and finances dwindle. We walk a very fine line between wanting to let them have the things they wish for because we know so much has been taken away from them, and on the other hand, knowing some of their spending is just down-right ridiculous. I am hoping to find some middle ground on this issue but haven't so far. Perhaps I will just be left to sell all of this stuff afterwards.

Selling your business at the flea market must present quite a few benefits and drawbacks. I am in a stage right now of trying to simplify every part of our lives that I can. The less outside stress and decisions I have to make the better. So I have quit my part-time job, stopped many of my outside activities, hobbies, and volunteer work. These are things I can always pick back up at some later point. So if selling your business brings some relief to you - by all means go ahead and do it.

The very last thing we want to happen is to have regrets about the loss of time we could have spent with our loved ones.

Hoping you have some one close and dear to you for support during this rough time

bingles · June 2010

AnnaLeigh said:
Living with no regrets
Hi Junklady,

I am sorry you are having to deal with so many things right now when all you probably want is some peace, reassurance, compassion, some hugs, and some quality time with your husband while he is still here with you. Are you able to call in some hospice care to deal with administering the proper pain medications and dosages? They are wonderful people who can take this burden off of your shoulders and also provide other solutions to your husband's care so that you can perform the most important job of just being there with him.

My husband has also gone on the "spending spree" and we are watching our savings and finances dwindle. We walk a very fine line between wanting to let them have the things they wish for because we know so much has been taken away from them, and on the other hand, knowing some of their spending is just down-right ridiculous. I am hoping to find some middle ground on this issue but haven't so far. Perhaps I will just be left to sell all of this stuff afterwards.

Selling your business at the flea market must present quite a few benefits and drawbacks. I am in a stage right now of trying to simplify every part of our lives that I can. The less outside stress and decisions I have to make the better. So I have quit my part-time job, stopped many of my outside activities, hobbies, and volunteer work. These are things I can always pick back up at some later point. So if selling your business brings some relief to you - by all means go ahead and do it.

The very last thing we want to happen is to have regrets about the loss of time we could have spent with our loved ones.

Hoping you have some one close and dear to you for support during this rough time

hello
Well all of what your going though is part of the process....been there done that.
I actually had quit working a year before diagnosis...to enjoy the "golden years"...karma had other plans...but it actually worked out because I was not tied to a job when he got sick and that made my life a bit easier...so selling your business might be the thing to do if you can...than you can devote your time to him.
I enjoyed spending the time with him....priceless !
Now regarding the spending...about a month before his diagnosis...when I knew in my heart that something was looming....I actually sold my car..which was only a year old....I knew we wouldn't need two car's and the money would come in handy down the road...best move I made...doing it early on was better than after his death....a little less emotional...and we made the choice together.
Regarding the "spendin spree"..all I can say is to keep an eye on that...while he is entitled to do what he wants..and those things you can sell later...I would caution you to try to not make any big ticket personal purchases..that might cause you emotional upset after he is gone...the things you mentioned don't seem to be important things...seems like you might be trying to cover your heartache with "things".
The month after Bill passed I spent money like a crazy person....I concluded that I was trying to hide from my pain...it found me anyway....and along with it...massive guilt over spending money so foolishly.
Do you have any medical at home support? Wound care and such can be managed..the odors and all.
Also you might want to get hospice on board...they are excellent in pain management...although they are "end of life"...and folks tend to turn away from them because of that...it doesn't mean you giving up and waiting to die...just make the living more comfortable...they put Bill on a Duragesic Patch..a 24 hour delivery of heavy narcotics...in a controlled dose...once on the patch..he was pain free! He just stayed very "high" and happy..

All my prayers are with you...cancer is a real bear...and your guy is suffering....but nows the time to make some choices/decisions that might make things easier on your heart later when he is gone.
Keep in touch...
Pat

grandmafay · June 2010

Difficult
I am sorry you both are having such a difficult time. These days are really hard. Selling your business is strictly a personal decision for you to make. I, too, was retired and I treasured every minute I was able to spend with my husband toward the end. On the other hand, I am now left with little to do and sometimes wish I had a more structured life now. I plan to get involved with some volunteer things, but have been waiting until after summer since I will be away much of this time vacationing with family which is the best. So, you might want to look ahead which I know is not easy to do. Will you regret selling the business later? Only you can answer that question. I do agree that you need to get some help. Hospice is usually a good place to start. Take care, Fay

Tina Blondek · June 2010

God Be With You
Hi Junklady
Hugs to you and your husband. You guys really know how to put up one heck of a fight! My dad was taking morphine and oxycodone together for the pain at his end. This made him almost totally out of it most of the time. Scary. He too slept so so much. His last day he also started to moan and groan while sleeping. So hard to witness. We feel that all of the sleeping was because he was preparing himself for his long journey to heaven. If your husband wants to buy things, what the heck? You will have to be the one to deal with them when he does go. Sell them. As far as your business? I think I would hold on to it, maybe just take a leave of absence from it. You might regret it if you sell it now. I agree with you, he is in the active stages of dying. Give him your blessing, give him the peace he needs to hear. Stay in touch when you can.
Tina

Help me, what do you think?

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