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I need assistance mysecond husband is going to die on me too

mjd107
Posts: 10
Joined: May 2010

I lost my my 1st husband at an early age. My second husban has stage 4 cancer. Somwtimes. I just cry, scream and bang things around. When I do these things it upsets him. I do not know what I am going to with out him.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

You are going to do what you did the first time around. You will care for him as best you can, grieve when he is gone, and some how, some way, you will survive. I am so sorry you are going through this twice. Once is hard enough. Some how, though, we do find our way. Take care, Fay

halsons's picture
halsons
Posts: 76
Joined: Apr 2010

Wow is the first thing that comes to my mind then the next is talk with him and let him know how you feel. If you have to talk about plans that he wants to do. I just talked to a friend of mine that just lost her husband two months before I did and she said she tried to be so brave for her husband and didn't talk with him about him dying and the plans for after and she really regreted that. I sat with my husband and talked with him two days before he died and it was one of the best talks we had. He told me that he loved me so very much and how he was so lucky to have a wife that has helped him through each part of this terrible disease and how he wished he would have been a better husband. This talk really has helped me now after he is gone. I was able to tell him how much I loved him and have loved the life we had and that I would do it over again in a heart beat. I can't imagine going through this twice wow. Just keep in mind your husband needs you and needs you to be strong. If you feel like screaming then go in your room and scream in a pillow so it doesn't upset him. I will keep you in my prayers. Haley

sillylilmizzy's picture
sillylilmizzy
Posts: 10
Joined: Jun 2010

I can't imagine how you feel or what you should do. I can say that it's hard. My grandma is about 93 she lost my grandfather around her 60's and she kept going made beautiful blankets, and kept busy in service. It was hard, she loved him very much and he was an amazing creative guy. Then she married again the next time she knew her husband was sick but married him anyway and they had fun together and she took care of him and loved him. It was hard she lost him within a few years. My last grandpa Joy my grandma met him at the temple, they had been doing temple work together and the laughed and had lots of fun. Her name is Gay and his was Joy so it was a fun thing for both of them. They both loved life and he was wonderful to her, and they would do things like plant in the back yard and get the honey and life was wonderful for both of them.

About 4 years later he died. I once asked her how she did it all. She said I loved them, and they loved me I love your grandpa which is her first husband she said the most and misses him alot. Each one brought memories into her life. Each one blessed her and planted this seed of joy into her spirit. She is still alive can't remember who I am, and tho she has made many creative things she has managed to take the joy of learning from each man and pass it along in her life. Having cancer I know is no picnic and to suffer thru it and watch someone else is even worse. That love is so hard.. Before my uterus was removed my husband and I sat and talked one nite. I had bled alot and it was either we try for anotehr baby or maybe this time I would die. We took that chance many times before. This time it was time for me to really take each moment with my husband. Although I am at the begining stages of Cancer, and they caught it fast. I don't know what My husband would of done without me. Like I said I can't imagine, I can only take each day and find joy in that moment in a game played with my husband, hug my dog a little tighter. I cry when he is sleeping, I am mad sometimes here or there.. But sweetie, there is so much Joy ... I know it's hard, I watched my grandma do it.. But she still found Joy.. That is what keeps me going.... Embrace him a little more laugh with him over a funny joke book from the library.. I remember once we put a wig on my grandfather's head and we all laughed and laughed.. He got up and did a dance, what a funny guy.. I don't know if this helps... I wish you good and beautiful days to come..

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