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I lost my mom 1.5yrs ago when I was 23 and 5 months pregnant, and I have a HUGE fear of cancer

kristap
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2010

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at 34. She battled it for 10 years 2 weeks and 4 days. When she passed I was married married 6 months prior and was 5 months pregnant. I am not sure if I had time to grieve because of all that. I am the only child, and through all of this my dad met a women just a few months after my mom passed and moved to a different state, and I don't get to talk or see him much.

I am seeing a counciler now, because I am so fearful of the c-word. My grandpa passed away from lung cancer along with 3 other great aunts and uncles. And now my healthy grandma was just diagnosed a month ago with colon cancer, but is now surgery cured, and now has a scare with the uterus and has to get a biopsy.

I have always been very fearful of cancer for myself and my family and is really bad now, where it's to the point where it interferes with my life (ie. I am afraid of going out in the sun becuase of skin cancer and am afraid of the sunblocks because the chemicals in them that are linked to cancer) I am so sick of this and pray I can get over this.

I just want me and my husband and 17 month old daughter to be happy and I don't want to get cancer.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

First, I am sorry you lost your mom. I am also glad you are seeing a counselor. Let's face it, cancer is scary, and it doesn't hurt to be vigilant. I read somewhere that much of cancer can be prevented or cured through early detection and prevention. Use what you have learned from this disease to help you and your family. Use sunscreen, try to eat right, and live a healthy lifestyle. Living that way is not a guarantee that you will be cancer free, but it can't hurt. A little fear isn't a bad thing, and, considering your family history, it is very understandable. You are very wise, however, to know that unreasonable fear is not a good thing. Knowing that is half the battle. I sure you are sharing your concerns with your counselor and will be able to work through this. I'm also sure that this is a part of your grieving process. We don't get over the loss of a loved one according to some sort of time table. We each do it in our own way and time. That person will always be a part of us. Our lives continue, but they are forever changed. You are, I am sure, an amazing mother. You learned how to love from your mother. Take care. Fay

kristap
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2010

Thank you very much for your kind words. I hope to overcome this huge fear. It is just constantly on my mind and really interferring with my life. I was hoping to maybe sometime in my future to join or start a support group for people who have lost a loved one to cancer. I have looked and can't find anything like that around where I'm from (st Louis, MO). I currently have a team for Relay for Life, and hopefully doing all these things will help me grieve, and deal with my fear.

I really appreciate the time you spent typing this to me. It really means a lot to know that there is a complete stranger out there that cares enough to do that...when at times it feels like the ones you are close to, do not.

God Bless you Fay!

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1561
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Kris and welcome. So sorry for your loss of your mom. I lost my dad in March to esophageal cancer. I do not have a very good family history myself. But....I live each day to the fullest. I live for my husband and my 10 year old daughter. Weo are at risk for cancer due to our family history, but we can not dwell on that fact. Keep yourself healthy, eat right, exercise, get regular check ups. As from what you have posted, you too have a beautiful family to live for. Do not let this overwhelming "worry" lose out on this wonderful time in your lives. The counseling will definitely help you. Possibly getting on an anti anxiety medication will help too. Keep in touch.
Tina

kristap
Posts: 4
Joined: Jun 2010

Thank you Tina.

I am going to try my hardest to get over this overwhelming fear. I am determined to LIVE and be healthy and Happy!!! I thank you for your nice words. I will keep you updated, with GOOD NEWS!!!

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

I am firm believer that there are truly only two emotions in this world and everything we do is based on one or the other and mostly the other. The two emotions are LOVE and FEAR. I had watched my grandmother from a young age battle her cancer. I couldn't help but think about cancer the rest of my life always checking for lumps since I didn't want to be like her. Fear unfortunately causes stress and that is truly the one thing we want to try and avoid. I am so glad that you have recognized your need for help and gone to talk with someone because you need to face the fears and live your life anyways.
Ok I found the lump and yes I had cancer but life still goes on for me and I woudln't change it for the world except for a few less health problems. Breathing is great and being grateful for simple things can change how I feel each and everyday.
Tara

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