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Sharply criticized for disclosing cancer in Landlord forum, is this a no no?

dharma19
Posts: 13
Joined: May 2010

I would appreciate your thoughts on this. I was posting to an online landlord/tenant forum late at night when I couldn't sleep, and I was trying to explain how my tenants have destroyed my house under my nose. I made a very brief reference to going through chemo and radiation and not being on top of my game as a landlord. Well, I was attacked for putting irrelevant things on this supposed support site and for overdisclosing about myself. Frankly, I am surprised in retrospect that I did disclose this, but I was just telling the truth about why these renters got away from me. All their stuff happened at the height of my treatment. What do people think of a group who says "who cares", "as long as you are bringing irrelevant things into the convo I will post that I am in Afghanistan--am I supposed to get a free pass for that?" and much, much worse. All I said was that I was undergoing the chemo and radation. Period. It is an anonymous support site but apparently there are some nasty posters there.

I want to learn from this in several ways. Is this how people react if they can hide their reactions (i.e. be anonymous)? Is there something I did wrong in terms of a breach of etiquette re: my diagnosis. I have just come to accept it.

I was looking for an answer to a legal question, and thought that the background was relevant (these are questions the judge will want to know the answer to). I should have caught the house (at least outside) sooner. I didn't because I am preoccupied. What did I do wrong in saying this? Thanks so much. I am back to not saying anything. That was a sharp blow.

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 177
Joined: Jan 2010

The fact that you were going through chemo and radiation at the time is relevant to what happened and anyone who thinks you were just making excuses is horribly insensitive. Unfortunately, there are many such people out there and YES, the anonymity of the board allows people to say things they normally would not say to your face. Like aggressive drivers who are usually meek and mild or the person who will be obstinate over the telephone but polite in person.

You do not have a choice about being absent from certain parts of your life in order to receive treatment. You are also under doctor's orders to have your treatment on a certain schedule. Cancer does not wait until a convenient time. People do not choose to have cancer like they choose which country they want to be in or what street they want to live on.

Let's just hope people who respond to you without any compassion for your circumstances never find themselves in your shoes. What a wake up call and life changing event that would be.

Tell the whole world what you have been through. It will divide the truly kind, loving, and considerate people from the naive, cold-hearted bullies and you will at least know which ones are on your side of the fence.

Love and best wishes to you for your future and your treatment.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I agree! Personally, I think anyone fighting this disease and going through treatment has the right to disclose this whenever and wherever they like. It doesn't sound to me like you were "playing the cancer card." You were just telling the facts as you see them. Don't let the nasty remarks get to you. My husband had a saying he adopted while going through treatment and facing his own mortality. Usually, he applied it to me. "Just let it go, dear. Let it go." Life is too short to worry about the negative people we meet along the way. You have more important things to do. Take care of and be kind to yourself. Fay

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

of callous people in the world. I received similar responses when I disclosed my cancer, and again, when I informed people about my brother's suicide. I used to become angry, but now just chalk them off to being total jerks destined to be run over by buses filled with Chicago Blackhawks fans coming back from a victory party. ;-}

Love, Courage, and Endurance for a world of rude insensitive idiots!

Rick

dharma19
Posts: 13
Joined: May 2010

Thanks for your insight and support. I think I do need to let things go. I am going to actively make the effort to let this kind of stuff roll off my back. Thanks again everyone, what wonderfully supportive and helpful responses. God Bless you all!

ms.sunshine
Posts: 710
Joined: Mar 2010

These people are losers in life so why give thought to what they say. They some how feel good about themselves by being ugly. They have an ugly black heart. By reading your other posts they know you have something going for you unlike them, so they have to tear you down. If it becomes to much you may have to find somewhere else to post. These losers aren't worth it.

pattyanny's picture
pattyanny
Posts: 523
Joined: Jul 2009

You did nothing wrong, and I agree with the other postings supporting you. So sorry you had to spend time worrying about this negative energy! Stay positive and know -more people here are FOR you, then they are against you! Love & Prayers, Patty

cptv8ing's picture
cptv8ing
Posts: 25
Joined: Jun 2010

Their opinion of what you posted is irrelevant and you shouldn't let it bother you. I have been a property mgr for 11 years and may be able to help you with your legal question if you are interested. my email is cptv8ing@gmail.com. Melanie

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