May 24, 2010 - 10:40 pm
I KNOW ITS TIME WHEN......
Its 3:00am and my pillow case is filled with tears
I finally fall asleep & my thoughts & dreams are inseparable from the brave souls fighting cancer
I spend a weekend in a local hospital for physical & emotional exhaustion
I’m told I’ve been diagnosed with “Situational” depression”
I prefer to be alone with my thoughts, isolating the world out around me
I dwell continuously on what more I can do to make a positive difference to other members
Sadness settles upon my soul like a blanket of dense, dark fog
My heart reads every verse back to me from the posts I submitted to the Expression & Blog boards as a gentle reminder that my heart is on route to running off a cliff
I foolishly believe that by stepping down all the way on my heart’s throttle will not cause gears to lock
I think I’m stronger then I really am.
Some in CSN mention to me that I have left other member’s with a feeling of discomfort and worry
I sincerely feel the reasons for parting ways now in my life is because I know it’s the right decision
I try too hard to be there for everyone then feel guilty by forgetting to say hello to welcoming member
I finally realize that I’m not doing anyone any good when I’m unable to take care of myself.
I hear my heart beat as it begs with me that now is the time for the healing to begin and my conscious whispers in my ear that by becomming a more patient & wiser human being that when I do return to CSN, I will be able to contribute more.
I wish everyone in the CSN community and your families the very best health & happiness
I will miss you