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crtnerd
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2010

Hi there,
I'm the caregiver to my wife who was diagnosed with stage IV cancer (they don't know the primary) in Oct. She was doing really well until recently when we found out the cancer had spread. After a 2 week hospital stay due to complications from ascites and pneumonia we've been back home a week. She's hanging in there but having a tough time keeping calories up and keeping active due to the fluid in her abdomen. It sucks. Tomorrow she's finally going to get back to chemo but I think it's going to be rough--she's not at her strongest right now and she'll be taking taxotere, albeit a low dose. Anyway, just looking to connect with other lesbian caregivers or survivors trying to maintain hope in the face of almost overwhelming adversity.

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

It is very difficult on those surrounding us during our diagnosis through treatments. I know it must seem at times hopeless but you have to know that many people survive this too when even doctors have lost hope. I am amazed at the stories I have been told of stage 4 survivors and that will always give me hope.
I am 14 year survivor of bc stage 3 and even had doubts way back then. I soon learned that each day is the miracle and we just cannot miss one. Your partner is a very lucky woman to have such love surrounding her. Know sometimes that is enough...
My partner and I had lived a province apart for 4.5 years and then health scare made me realize that it was time to !!!! or get off the pot and I needed help with my son who was one angry teen in big trouble. My son and I moved to the place she loved since I was not happy in my city. 6 months later I am dx'd with cancer. Not easy but still together and with another health scare I know now more than ever just how much we do love each other. She didn't ask for any of this but is truly my son's other parent who has been there for the two of us.
Having someone there and knowing we are not alone can get us far in the survival struggle.
Sometimes you will have to understand that your partner may not be 100% honest about how she feels since she too does not want to hurt you. We want to keep people close to us not push them away and we cannot always be that positive. I have learned that to truly live we must be able to live in the good and bad of our lives. Simple not easy...
We are here for you,
Tara

crtnerd
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2010

Wow, you've had a pretty intense journey. I'm glad that you've had a loving partner there for you and your son. I also feel for your son. I've lost my step-dad to cancer and I was pissed off at 39, I can't imagine facing that as a teen. We don't have children but my partner's sister lives with us with our young niece and she's struggling a lot with her aunties diagnosis. They've always been so close--we're bascially all co-parents. Hopefully between her mother and I we can keep her tethered to all the positive things in life.
I agree that you have to live through the good and the bad but it's sometimes a challenge. It takes practice and hard work. Right now we're just thankful for everyday but hoping and praying her new treatment will work.

crtnerd
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2010

The cancer is in her abdominal cavity. She has tumors in her liver, lungs, and spine as well. We had it drained in the hospital and again today. She was bloated so bad it made her ill last night. She just can't seem to eat right now; she's living on protein shakes, yogurt, cream of wheat and ice cream when she can keep stuff down.

This latest hurdle has just hit us hard. Three weeks ago she was still at work. She actually just took a promotion a few months back. I think her biggest frustration is lack of independence. Still, we both know how lucky we are to have each other. We've had a blast for 21 years and hope to keep doing so. It's just so scary when she's so sick.

Anyway, thanks to you both for listening. It's good to have the cancer patients perspective on things.

crtnerd
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2010

The cancer is in her abdominal cavity. She has tumors in her liver, lungs, and spine as well. We had it drained in the hospital and again today. She was bloated so bad it made her ill last night. She just can't seem to eat right now; she's living on protein shakes, yogurt, cream of wheat and ice cream when she can keep stuff down.

This latest hurdle has just hit us hard. Three weeks ago she was still at work. She actually just took a promotion a few months back. I think her biggest frustration is lack of independence. Still, we both know how lucky we are to have each other. We've had a blast for 21 years and hope to keep doing so. It's just so scary when she's so sick.

Anyway, thanks to you both for listening. It's good to have the cancer patients perspective on things.

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

Your right after being so independent it must be hard for her and then to have to let people do things for her that isn't easy for the most part. I am so happy to hear about the things she can drink or eat and keep down. I lived on Boost for 7 years because I couldn't keep food down or wasn't even hungry I just knew I had to do something and you are doing it. That will take her far for sure.
Congradulations on your 21 years together because that is amazing. I do know a few couples who are not into the 28 year thing and I can only hope our love will carry us. Not easy learning that your girlfriend still has problems that don't seem to be going away like the cancer did. We are lucky to have the love and support of our partners and all the years. Linda and I have made a very good life for ourselves and lucky to have a roof over our heads in these times. Life is simple, I just wish it would get easier.
WE are hear for you and can only hope to be of some help.
BE good to yourself always so you always have something to give to her.
Tara

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