May 16, 2010 - 10:44 am
My mom was diagnosed with Stage Four mestastic breast cancer three and a half years ago. The cancer has spread to the bone. Unfortunately, my mom had rarely gone to the doctor for many years. Looking back, I wish I would have insisted on her getting check ups. Anyways, my mom had a wonderful outlook and was extremely optimistic throughout her cancer struggle. She was a strong Christian and believed that God was going to heal her cancer. Her optimsism was contagious and I also thought she would be healed. At such a young age, it was too hard to consider that I might lose my mom.
In my family, I was closest to my mom. My sister is similar to my dad, and I am similar to my mom. I recently went to college five hours away from home, but I still called and skyped many times throughout the week. I also came home and visited on many occasions. My mom seemed like she was still pretty good. Although, looking back, I can see how it was harder for her to get up sometimes and she was walking slower..but at the time, I thought it was arthritis or something.
Then, early February...my mom got this intense pain and was unable to walk...The cancer had worsened. She was hospitalized for the first time since I can remember. That is when it hit me that my mom legitimately had cancer. I came home from school when I heard she was in the hospital. For the past three months, she was in and out of hospitals. Then, a little over a week ago, she was put in ICU and was intubated because she was having difficulty breathing...Since she was unable to move, there were so many fluids on her lungs, plus some cancer may have spread to her lungs....I was in the hospital for 10 hours a day for the duration of her stay in ICU...The doctor said it didn't look good....It was by far the worst week of my life. She passed away early Thursday morning.
I just feel so sad, and so empty. I never knew who sad I could feel. I am only 18 and I need my mom..It is just hitting me, that she is going to open my bedroom door to tell me something small anymore....She won't sing in the morning..She won't physically be at my wedding....I hate being at my house because there are memories all over...I have so many wonderful friends...but it is still so hard. I am not close to many family members...and this is so hard.
I am comforted that I know my mom is out of pain, and that she is in Heaven. But, I am 18 and i just miss my mom so unbelievably much.
I would appreciate any support.