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I was doing well handling everything until this last week.

lmchils57's picture
lmchils57
Posts: 60
Joined: Feb 2010

I was doing well handling everything until this last week. Week before last we got positive news on my sons cancer and how it is reacting to the chemo so was doing real well, then this week I read on Facebook that someone I went to school with lost her daughter to cancer, man that just hit way too close to home. I almost went back emotionally to where I was two and half months ago when we got Scott's diagnosis. It brought back all the fear of losing my son again, almost everything, I really thought I was going to lose it. As the week has progressed I am doing better but still it is hard. I have read of others losing loved ones on here and it was scary but when I read about someone I know, someone my age with a child close to my sons age, it just made it all the more real and brought back all the fears again. I have not felt I could really talk to my family about it since we are all trying to have a positive attitude and I really do not want to bring them down too, so I thought here might be the best place to put my feelings since many of you are going through the same thing as we are, either with yourself, a loved one or a very close friend, so maybe you can understand how I have felt this week. I would like to think this will be my only crisis point for awhile but I have my doubts I have a feeling I will have others. I really am trying to be strong but the whole idea of my child (no matter how old he is, he is 31) going through this is devistating and the idea of losing him to this horrible disease is even more devistating. If any of you have any suggestions on how to help me cope I would love to hear from you.
Thanks ahead of time-
Linda

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your family is going through with your son's diagnosis and yes you were right in coming here because we all certainly understand alot of what you are going through.

I am a 20 year survivor of non hodgkins lymphoma and I tell you that because there is always hope of long term survival with many cancers. You did not mention what type your son has been diagnosed with but I just wanted to tell you that today is a whole new day in cancer treatment. Even 20 years back when I was treated look at the results - I'm still here and today they have alot more to offer in many areas of cancer treatment.

One thing is really important for you to remember in your journey with cancer. You have to remember that each patient is different in how they will respond to treatments, in their symptoms, in their outcomes. You mentioned your friends daughter not surviving and while I can understand why that threw you back to a more emotional state you have to understand that her situation could hace been vastly different from your son's conditioin. Even the same type of cancer in two different people can have totally different outcomes based on a variety of issues.

It's normal to grieve the loss of health and go through all the stages you will go through in grieving but the important thing is not to get caught too long in one stage for too long so that it begins to affect your life. Stages I am talking about like anger, denial, why me and others. If you start to feel sad and 'what's the point of anything' in your attitudes then you need to see you doctor about depression. It happens to many patients and family members alike and is one thing that can be treated very well so don't let that get out of control if you find yourself with it's symptoms. There are many good counsellors who deal with anxiety and depression and grief but make sure who you choose, if you do go ahead at some point, is reputable and is a true professional. Cancer affects different people in different ways and affects the whole family as you are realizing - each in their own way. There is help on this site for you to discuss your concerns and get answers and there is help in counselling so don't ignore your own needs while caring for your son and if you see other family members going down the wrong emotional road then talk to them about getting help too, maybe go as a family.

You are in my prayers and I am hoping for a long survivorship for you son. Blessings, Bluerose

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

As I have written here before, I have no words of wisdom. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I agree that it doesn't matter how old our children are, they are still our children. I lost my husband to cancer, but I can't imagine what it would be like dealing with a son with cancer. It must be so scary. Of course hearing of a friend who lost a child to cancer would really throw you. I know it would me. Have you considered professional counseling? I think I might need help if I were in your position. Come here whenever you need to, we are listening. Take care and hang in there. Fay

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Linda,
Welcome to our family. Try your best to live in the present. As you said, he is reacting well to the chemo, and is doing very well. Celebrate that. Rejoice in that. Do not think too far ahead of yourself. Do not look too far into the future. Live for today. Today....tell your son how much you love him, Today....thank God for all of the good things that have happened since his diagnosis, Today....tell yourself how proud you are for being such a wonderful mom and caregiver, Today....take some time to smell the roses! Thinking of you and your family.
Stay in touch.
Tina

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