Today is one week since my Best Friend left me....and today I begin my offical transition to being alone with myself and our memories.
Today Bills daughter is going home...she does not want to and neither do I..she is concerned about me and so am I.
But truth be told....I am now craving some time to be alone with my thoughts...I need to start to get to know me....without the Cancer in my world.
I am starting with a Hospice berevement group on Monday...so thats a good thing.
I have pondered several choices about my future because I am scared to be alone right now...and the weirdest thing happened when I pondered about asking Bills daughter and her children to move in with me....I actually felt him telling me not to do it....to just give myself time to re-adjust and establish a new normal...he knew me so well that he knew a different living arrangment simply would not work for me.
I need to stay here in our home....and start a new life...memories will never leave my soul.
I have gone though a whole laundry list of "shoulda's and what if's" replayed the whole horrific story to see if there was anything different I could have done to alter the ending....I simply don't think there is anything...guess its just natural to think about it though.
Guessing all I need now is just time to heal...can't turn off 34 yrs in a blink of an eye...