relationship ending
And the weird part is that I am okay with it. Breast Cancer, for all of the things it took from me, has made me stronger. Unfortunately, it changed us. But, I will be okay taking my journey on my own. I have the best daughters, and many friends, and a strong faith. Thank you all for "listening".
Comments
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I can sooo relate!
I had a relationship before BC that went on & off for almost 5 years. He would break up with me but usually came back within a week or two apologizing and wanting to get back. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we were on one of our outs and his response was 'wow, that's heavy duty'. Funny thing is, this time he didn't come back and hasn't been in touch to even see how I am. Really? Well, I look at it as though I was saved. God forbid we ever took the plunge and got married as he obviously is not one for the long haul and couldn't/wouldn't be there for me. This whole experience has made me see life in a whole new light. I don't 'need' a man in my life unless it's a man that loves me through and through. I have been taking this time to learn about myself on a much deeper level and I am happy to be alone with just my kids, for now, and for however long it takes to possibly find 'true and undying love'. Stay strong, Lizzie. Men like that only bring us down. I know I wouldn't have done half as well as I have with him still in my life because he always needed to be cared for and when it was my time, he flew like a bat out of hell!
Just wanted you to know that I could relate and we obviously have something in common.
Hugs, Mar0 -
LizzieMarlene_K said:I can sooo relate!
I had a relationship before BC that went on & off for almost 5 years. He would break up with me but usually came back within a week or two apologizing and wanting to get back. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we were on one of our outs and his response was 'wow, that's heavy duty'. Funny thing is, this time he didn't come back and hasn't been in touch to even see how I am. Really? Well, I look at it as though I was saved. God forbid we ever took the plunge and got married as he obviously is not one for the long haul and couldn't/wouldn't be there for me. This whole experience has made me see life in a whole new light. I don't 'need' a man in my life unless it's a man that loves me through and through. I have been taking this time to learn about myself on a much deeper level and I am happy to be alone with just my kids, for now, and for however long it takes to possibly find 'true and undying love'. Stay strong, Lizzie. Men like that only bring us down. I know I wouldn't have done half as well as I have with him still in my life because he always needed to be cared for and when it was my time, he flew like a bat out of hell!
Just wanted you to know that I could relate and we obviously have something in common.
Hugs, Mar
I am sorry and agree that we learnt a lot about ourselves, and other people. Somehow cancer experience has made us stronger, more determined, and powerful. Stay strong and positive.
Sending you a big hug,
New Flower0 -
So Sorry
Lizzie I am sorry your relationship did not survive your bc, but with the strength you proclaim I am betting that you will and that your loving daughters, friends and of course your God will be there to carry you through this battle. We too will be here for you as well.
Hugs,
RE0 -
I am sorry about theRE said:So Sorry
Lizzie I am sorry your relationship did not survive your bc, but with the strength you proclaim I am betting that you will and that your loving daughters, friends and of course your God will be there to carry you through this battle. We too will be here for you as well.
Hugs,
RE
I am sorry about the relationship ending too. But, I always believe that everything happens for a reason. You will be fine! You have the support of all of us when you need it.
Lex0 -
Now is the time to focus onAlexis F said:I am sorry about the
I am sorry about the relationship ending too. But, I always believe that everything happens for a reason. You will be fine! You have the support of all of us when you need it.
Lex
Now is the time to focus on YOU! He would have drained you and you deserve better. Marlene is right you dont need a man in you life unless it is a good one. God Bless. Hugs.0 -
What Carkris said is socarkris said:Now is the time to focus on
Now is the time to focus on YOU! He would have drained you and you deserve better. Marlene is right you dont need a man in you life unless it is a good one. God Bless. Hugs.
What Carkris said is so right, Focus on you and your treatment! If a relationship can't survive the bad parts of it, then it isn't worth having. Some come out stronger thru the bc journey and some don't make it. Just know you are never alone, you have all of us!0 -
I too am sorryDebbyM said:What Carkris said is so
What Carkris said is so right, Focus on you and your treatment! If a relationship can't survive the bad parts of it, then it isn't worth having. Some come out stronger thru the bc journey and some don't make it. Just know you are never alone, you have all of us!
I guess I just have a question about the relationships we continue. My question is only this, what would you have told your best friend if it was she going through this? I am here to remind us all that we should be treating ourselves just as we would our own best friends and most often we just don't. What we put ourselves through often isn't what we would like to see our own friends going through and that is as simple as it gets for me.
My relationship is in 18th year and believe me cancer did not make it stronger. We both wonder sometimes how it is we have managed to stay together because quite frankly we both have had our times where we wanted to walk...
I am very grateful we are here and she is still by my side but it still hasn't gotten any easier I just have learned not to try so hard..
Tara0 -
glad you are ok
Lizzie,
I'm glad you are in an ok place about the split. It's amazing to me the blessings that come out of fighting this nasty disease.
Take care, El0 -
thanks for responding to meMarlene_K said:I can sooo relate!
I had a relationship before BC that went on & off for almost 5 years. He would break up with me but usually came back within a week or two apologizing and wanting to get back. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, we were on one of our outs and his response was 'wow, that's heavy duty'. Funny thing is, this time he didn't come back and hasn't been in touch to even see how I am. Really? Well, I look at it as though I was saved. God forbid we ever took the plunge and got married as he obviously is not one for the long haul and couldn't/wouldn't be there for me. This whole experience has made me see life in a whole new light. I don't 'need' a man in my life unless it's a man that loves me through and through. I have been taking this time to learn about myself on a much deeper level and I am happy to be alone with just my kids, for now, and for however long it takes to possibly find 'true and undying love'. Stay strong, Lizzie. Men like that only bring us down. I know I wouldn't have done half as well as I have with him still in my life because he always needed to be cared for and when it was my time, he flew like a bat out of hell!
Just wanted you to know that I could relate and we obviously have something in common.
Hugs, Mar
Funny, but I wondered if anyone responded to me while I was at work.
Thank you for your support and comments, as I am making it through day one, and I still feel like this will be the right thing for me. More positive energy around me hopefully. To think
that I won't be dealing with a lot of stress coming from that relationship, makes me feel a little more peaceful.
Hugs to all of you,
Liz0 -
Me tooms_independent said:glad you are ok
Lizzie,
I'm glad you are in an ok place about the split. It's amazing to me the blessings that come out of fighting this nasty disease.
Take care, El
When I was dx my BF of 3 years compromissed our relationship.. His excuse?? He just could'nt stand the thought of losing me after losing his Dad.. THEN stupid me forgave him THEN.... when I changed my mind about getting nipples put on he stUck around for about a month then said "I feel empty inside" He broke my heart but not my spirit! So Dear Sister in Pink I can say you will be just fine and will learn how enjoyable it is to not have the burden of worrying how he feels. When a Man Loves you he acts like JeanneD's husband.. He suprised her today with a romatic picnic!!
CALLEEN0 -
Wonderful outlook
I'm happy you have such a good outlook on all you are going through. I've been through many break-ups in all my years, and some things just aren't meant to be. It took me 53 years to find a man worth my time. They say we all have someone out there we were meant to be with. But I sure had to filter through a heap of men to find the one for me. Hope you keep posting Lizzie.0 -
i understand
I understand i was dating a young man and to day i just told him i have to much going on dealing with dx of bc and losing my mom (something i have not gotten over yet still hurt everyday) didn't have time to deal with him i have to much on my plate right now, he was up set but not to be funny i don't care what he felt i am trying to get myself together i had to put my self first, and sometimes that is what we have to do is put our self first.good luck....girl power0 -
It's all about you now...
I'm so sorry...I know it sucks. But consider your load lighter...one less thing/person to worry about once all is said and done. No more worrying or wondering if you are pleasing him...focus only on yourself and those who know and love you best. You may like your new time and space! And I hope you do!
XXOO,
JoJo0 -
I'm sorry that you yourCalleen said:Me too
When I was dx my BF of 3 years compromissed our relationship.. His excuse?? He just could'nt stand the thought of losing me after losing his Dad.. THEN stupid me forgave him THEN.... when I changed my mind about getting nipples put on he stUck around for about a month then said "I feel empty inside" He broke my heart but not my spirit! So Dear Sister in Pink I can say you will be just fine and will learn how enjoyable it is to not have the burden of worrying how he feels. When a Man Loves you he acts like JeanneD's husband.. He suprised her today with a romatic picnic!!
CALLEEN
I'm sorry that you your relationship is ending. Just know that you will survive the breakup and you will survive bc! You are a warrior!
So sorry Calleen about your relationship too. Never let anyone break your spirit!
And, can I rent Jeanne D's hubby out? LOL
Sue 0 -
If one's husband orshortscake said:i understand
I understand i was dating a young man and to day i just told him i have to much going on dealing with dx of bc and losing my mom (something i have not gotten over yet still hurt everyday) didn't have time to deal with him i have to much on my plate right now, he was up set but not to be funny i don't care what he felt i am trying to get myself together i had to put my self first, and sometimes that is what we have to do is put our self first.good luck....girl power
If one's husband or boyfriend isn't supportive and going above and beyond during our bc treatments, then, I would think it is a man that you wouldn't want. You will do fine without him along. Good luck!0 -
True Love does exist!
In response to pitty potty...Just remember that it is a blessing in disguise. People come and go out of our lives, sometimes they need something and sometimes we need something from them. You don't loose anything from knowing them, you learn and go on. I was in a 22 yr marriage, and I thought I was doing the right thing staying in it because of my children, because of my parents, family etc etc etc. Well now I know that staying in a love less marriage, being unhappy for so long is detrimental to my health. I have found a great man... It was rocky in the begining, but he was there for me during the whole treatment. He was the only one besides some really good friends that was there for me. Everyone else was too self absorbed. I learned during that episode in my life who I want in my life and who I don't and that some of the people I thought cared really didn't. Those who I thought sometimes as just acquaintances were in fact the most caring and giving people I have ever met. Partners that can only think of themselves during a time in your life that you are fighting to survive are not really partners you want around to share your precious moments. I think of it as a gift someone gave me... God gave me the things and people I needed and took away the things that I didn't. My boyfriend now, cooks, cleans, does laundry, wants to spend every waking moment with me and truly can appreciate both the good and the bad in me... I am blessed and when the right person comes along.. you too will be!0 -
I understandelpasogirl64 said:True Love does exist!
In response to pitty potty...Just remember that it is a blessing in disguise. People come and go out of our lives, sometimes they need something and sometimes we need something from them. You don't loose anything from knowing them, you learn and go on. I was in a 22 yr marriage, and I thought I was doing the right thing staying in it because of my children, because of my parents, family etc etc etc. Well now I know that staying in a love less marriage, being unhappy for so long is detrimental to my health. I have found a great man... It was rocky in the begining, but he was there for me during the whole treatment. He was the only one besides some really good friends that was there for me. Everyone else was too self absorbed. I learned during that episode in my life who I want in my life and who I don't and that some of the people I thought cared really didn't. Those who I thought sometimes as just acquaintances were in fact the most caring and giving people I have ever met. Partners that can only think of themselves during a time in your life that you are fighting to survive are not really partners you want around to share your precious moments. I think of it as a gift someone gave me... God gave me the things and people I needed and took away the things that I didn't. My boyfriend now, cooks, cleans, does laundry, wants to spend every waking moment with me and truly can appreciate both the good and the bad in me... I am blessed and when the right person comes along.. you too will be!
I am so sad for those of you whose relationships have failed..maybe they would have done anyway..but this is a difficult time to be left alone. Maybe the cancer has left you stronger and life will get better. I have a marriage of 41 years..my OH had 2 types of cancer and last left hime impotent..so times have been hard but we are still together and I think will outlast this thing...so I am lucky. Take care all of you.0 -
I am so sorry about thisFlakey_Flake said:Wonderful outlook
I'm happy you have such a good outlook on all you are going through. I've been through many break-ups in all my years, and some things just aren't meant to be. It took me 53 years to find a man worth my time. They say we all have someone out there we were meant to be with. But I sure had to filter through a heap of men to find the one for me. Hope you keep posting Lizzie.
I believe that when you find the "right" one, you will just know it. I do believe in love at first sight and I do believe that when you find him, nothing will tear you apart. You will survive this with your great attitude! Hang in there! Vent here if you need to, as we are all your supporters!
Big Hugs!0 -
I too am sorry
Sorry you have to face this as well as everything else. I know from experience that cancer is not a driving force for relationship instead causing problems usually due to financial stresses and the loss of normalacy.
I was in the thick of my treatment 14 years ago when my partner of 5 years couldn't take it all and was ready to walk out of my life. I too was like you and said there is the door and start moving your stuff because I was OK with it too knowing that this is not what she had signed up for. I didn't work for 21 months due to my illness and chronic fatigue and irritable bowl along with the deases causing all the pain. I am sure it wasn't a life she was looking for. I think it shocked her when I wasn't all upset and begging her to stay. I guess that is when she realized that maybe I really didn't need her and maybe that was what she was afraid of.
14 years later we have fought long and hard to stay together none of the years being all that easy on us. Just this past year we made a conscious choice to stay together and start being grateful for all we have instead of concentrating on all the things bad and all we lost. I don't think we ever truly had all our cards on the table something we have now. Now more lumps to deal with and more cancer bull and I am sure she too is scared in her own way.
You have great strength and great courage to face this as you have. Hang on to those two things...
Tara0 -
I also am very sorry thatshortscake said:i understand
I understand i was dating a young man and to day i just told him i have to much going on dealing with dx of bc and losing my mom (something i have not gotten over yet still hurt everyday) didn't have time to deal with him i have to much on my plate right now, he was up set but not to be funny i don't care what he felt i am trying to get myself together i had to put my self first, and sometimes that is what we have to do is put our self first.good luck....girl power
I also am very sorry that this has happened. Like shortscake said, Girl Power! Put yourself first and take care.
Hugs, Angie0
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