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Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5635
Joined: Apr 2009

I lost a very good friend yesterday to Lung Cancer. As a survivor myself of NPC it is so hard to loose someone to this dredged disease, and what then do you tell the wife who is now left behind. My friend never knew what really hit him, he was the picture of health two weeks ago and now he is gone to a cancer he did not know he had.

slickwilly's picture
slickwilly
Posts: 339
Joined: Feb 2007

Hondo. I am sorry for your loss. And the fact that it happened so fast makes it much harder in many respects. Its sad that as we get older there seems to be a never ending amount of funerals to attend. I can never find the right words to comfort someone through their loss. I suspect its because I have never got past the close friends I have lost and think about them all the time. You have been through so much and proubly wonder why your still here. I often ask myself the same thing. My prayers just keep getting longer as I include those I have lost in my life. Blessings Slickwilly

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1611
Joined: Aug 2009

As one of those wives that has been left behind, I can only tell you the things people have said to me. I really appreciate those who tell me that they don't know what to say because they don't. I appreciate those who offer specific kinds of help instead of those open ended offers of anything I need. Just a hug goes a long way, too. I like those who invite me to lunch or offer to pick me up for an evening thing. I find that I don't like coming home to an empty house on my own. just a few ideas. Fay

Hondo's picture
Hondo
Posts: 5635
Joined: Apr 2009

My friend’s wife is 84 and very active but I am afraid this is going to slow her down, through out there life they were always doing things together. I will make sure that I make an extra effort to invite her to do things and go visit her more often.

As always thanks you so much for your advice, sometime we can say more by not saying nothing.

halsons's picture
halsons
Posts: 76
Joined: Apr 2010

Fay, you are so right. I just ran into our neighbor who has not been up since my husband died almost 4 months ago. She came up to me and said I don't know what to say and gave me a hug. I am not a big huging person but for that minute I was glad she did something. It makes me mad when people don't say anything and pretend nothing has happened or they don't know what to say so they stay away. It is nice to go out for dinner or lunch with someone maybe for a little conversation. I have noticed some of my friends seem to want me to as one person said get over it already. I was very mad and walked away when she said that to me. I knew this person had never had anyone close to them have cancer and pass away especially their best friend and husband. People can be very hurtful with words and I just have to ignore the ignorant ones and go on with what I was doing. They have no idea how painful loosing a spouse can be and how empty you feel afterwards. I laugh when I watch my two sons with their girlfriends and the comments they make when they haven't seen them all day. They will say but I haven't seen them all day or for a couple days. I just look at them and say what about me, I haven't seen your dad in months. Boy do they stop whining about not seeing them as much.

AKAngel's picture
AKAngel
Posts: 74
Joined: Mar 2010

Sometimes people just get caught up in the moments of their lives, and don't realize that grieving has no time limit. They say and do insensitive things without realizing. Sometimes silence is best, or a hug, or a meaningful, heartfelt gesture. But sometimes nothing can touch the place in your heart where that loved one resides just as a memory. As far as kids relating their relationships in comparison to their moms/dads', well they just don't have the maturity yet to see things from multiple ways. It does come with age and experience...sometimes.

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