Boyfriend isn't supporting me

Options
ks2cocappy
ks2cocappy Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
I am going through my 2nd round of chemo.....stage 2 ovarian cancer.

I had my first treatment yesterday and my boyfriend was there for me. I feel terrible today; headache, nausea, exhausted. I ask my boyfriend to come home after work and he calls me 'dramatic' and tells me he is going to have beers with friends.

What gives? Is it asking too much for him to be there??

Comments

  • MK_4Dani
    MK_4Dani Member Posts: 314
    #2
    Options
    No it isn't too much to ask.
    Do you have anyone else around who can be there for you? For me: just the mere presence of someone in the next room was comforting. Like most men: you are going to have to tell him exactly what you need and want. Be brief and direct since they have short attention spans! Hee Hee.
    Good Luck,
    Mary
  • cancer survivor x 4
    cancer survivor x 4 Member Posts: 177
    #3
    Options
    History
    Hello ks2cocappy,
    I am also a stage 2. Can you give me some history of when you were dx and how long before you had a re-occurence? Thanks, Paula
  • Mwee
    Mwee Member Posts: 1,338
    #4
    Options
    Complicated
    I'm sorry that this last treatment has been rough. Support from the people around you can be a complicated issue. Some of us are lucky and have wonderful support systems and many find that friends and/or family just can't handle illness.

    I don't think you're being "dramatic"... I've been there and felt like I was on a rollercoaster with the worst flu ever. I hope that today brings you relief.
    (((HUGS))) Maria
  • Hissy_Fitz
    Hissy_Fitz Member Posts: 1,834
    #5
    Options
    It absolutely is not asking
    It absolutely is not asking too much. How long have you two been together?

    I guess it's somewhat different if you're married - there's the whole "in sickness and in health" thing, but any committed relationship should "feel" the same, I would think.

    My husband has been an absolute rock. He slept in my hospital room 15 straight nights. He knows I would have done the same.

    Maybe you could Google "side effects of chemotherapy" and print them out for him. "Dramatic", indeed! Doesn't he know that chemo introduces poison into your body, in hopes of killing the cancer, but sparing the patient?
  • wannaknow
    wannaknow Member Posts: 12
    #6
    Options
    Hissy_Fitz said:

    It absolutely is not asking
    It absolutely is not asking too much. How long have you two been together?

    I guess it's somewhat different if you're married - there's the whole "in sickness and in health" thing, but any committed relationship should "feel" the same, I would think.

    My husband has been an absolute rock. He slept in my hospital room 15 straight nights. He knows I would have done the same.

    Maybe you could Google "side effects of chemotherapy" and print them out for him. "Dramatic", indeed! Doesn't he know that chemo introduces poison into your body, in hopes of killing the cancer, but sparing the patient?

    are you serious ??
    OMG...AND YOUR STILL THINK OF HIM AS A BOYFRIEND? You dont need this from him or anyone! My ex is going to be helping me!!! Im so sorry you are dealing with all of this and have a "boy" you thought you could count on is not there for you...that just ticked me off in a HUGE way! my advise..kick him to the curb!
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #7
    Options
    wannaknow said:

    are you serious ??
    OMG...AND YOUR STILL THINK OF HIM AS A BOYFRIEND? You dont need this from him or anyone! My ex is going to be helping me!!! Im so sorry you are dealing with all of this and have a "boy" you thought you could count on is not there for you...that just ticked me off in a HUGE way! my advise..kick him to the curb!

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • Cathy-Dog Lvr
    Cathy-Dog Lvr Member Posts: 11
    #8
    Options
    Some just can't do the job
    Funny to hear your plight, I have had 6 surgeries in 5 years to try and get use of my arm and hnd back after an injury. In thoes 5 years I also had a rare disease called Papelledema Pseudo Tumor Cerebri and double pneumonia. My hisband of over 20 years has a very difficult time when I am not at full strength. I'm sure he never expected this to happen but is the vows for better of for worse? My main fear is with the real possibility of ovarin cancer this will leave me alone to handle things by myself. I have reached out to friends that so far have been a gift, however some men just are not wired up to be supportive I say LEARN!!
  • Meghan
    Meghan Member Posts: 4
    #9
    Options
    Wow...
    Hi i'm Meghan and this discussion seemed interesting,And i couldnt help but say somthing.
    First of all,You are definatly not being "Dramatic", My mom has ovarian Cancer and the first time she sailed through it but the second time she felt really sick, every one is different, So maybe he had a friend that had/has ovarian cancer and was feeling great. Also, What is doing out having beers with his friends! He should be spendng time with YOU not his friends. I don't think he is a very good boyfriend if he would ratherspend time wth his friends then chillin out with you.
  • leesag
    leesag Member Posts: 621 Member
    #10
    Options
    Meghan said:

    Wow...
    Hi i'm Meghan and this discussion seemed interesting,And i couldnt help but say somthing.
    First of all,You are definatly not being "Dramatic", My mom has ovarian Cancer and the first time she sailed through it but the second time she felt really sick, every one is different, So maybe he had a friend that had/has ovarian cancer and was feeling great. Also, What is doing out having beers with his friends! He should be spendng time with YOU not his friends. I don't think he is a very good boyfriend if he would ratherspend time wth his friends then chillin out with you.

    Meghan, you are wise beyond
    Meghan, you are wise beyond your years!

    HUGS!

    Leesa ;)
  • Susan523
    Susan523 Member Posts: 231 Member
    #11
    Options
    Maybe he just needs time...
    I understand that you need your boyfriend right now; believe me, I know.
    I have been so fortunate that my husband of over 23 years has been with me
    through thick & thin. But there ARE times when he just needs time to himself
    or with his friends.

    I think it's wonderful that he went with you for your first treatment. I had
    to go to mine alone, as my husband had to work. I remember wishing that someone
    could be with me; but when I asked a friend, she said "no, I have to take my dog
    to the groomer".

    The infusion center is a horrible place; and maybe he just got overwhelmed.
    I would give him a little time to come around.

    It's hard to see a loved one suffer; especially since he is probably feeling helpless,
    as there isn't much that he can do to help fix things. Or maybe he just doesn't know
    what to say or do just yet.

    Best of luck to you in this journey we Teal Warriors have been given.
    Take care~

    ~Susan xoxo

Discussion Boards