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Just my luck!

willendorf
Posts: 14
Joined: Apr 2010

Hello!

It's 2am, I just returned home from burying my grandfather to cancer, diagnosed 6 weeks ago, so that I can take care of my beautiful baby who had her third chemo treatment on Friday. My sister-in-law works for ACS and told me there were discussion boards I might find useful. I am so happy to have found this board; I have been having trouble finding a positive outlet for me in dealing with this. Now that I've found you, I don't even know what to say!

My partner of almost 11 blissful years was diagnosed in December with large cell neuroendocrine carcinoma. She had a complete hysterectomy on December 25th and is, hopefully, halfway through with chemo. Sunday seems to be the day the symptoms start kicking in - it's so painful seeing her suffer, I can barely stand it. I try not to hover (a constant personal battle) but sometimes I don't even know that I am...

We are both very positive people, generally, but I'm scared, straight up. Scared of what comes next, the waiting, her pain and worry and fear and anxiety. I'm angry, too. Angry at cancer, other people's ignorant statements, having to freeze the 90th lasagna. But mostly I'm scared and I needed a place to say all that. Probably a lot more, too, but I think I hear her stirring...maybe she needs something. See how I hover?

whistlestopgirl
Posts: 28
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi,

I know how you feel. I am the caregiver of my partner of ten years. We have been fighting cancer since 2008 when she was first diagnosed. You describe some of the feelings I have felt and sometimes still do. My partner was diagnosed with Overian/Endometrial cancer. She had chemo and radiation. She also had a full hysterectomy. We thought she was cancer free and then they found it spread to her liver. Now we are in chemo treatments again. I am glad to have this discussion board for info or just to vent. Anyway glad you found this list.

Diane

congoody
Posts: 74
Joined: Jan 2010

I think it is more than commendable that you would hover despite fear and anxiety and anger - I am almost certain that your hovering has more therapeutic benefit than all sorts of other treatments that your love is receiving - tests and studies must have shown for sure that this is true - keep hovering - your love is lucky to have you -connie.

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

I am grateful for you,
You both are incredible gifts to those of us who are lost in our fights for our lives. I am going through my own struggles with more lumps but cannot imagine what it must be like for those who love me. WE have all been here before and it isn't easy.
Like us you too have to come to grips with what you have control of and what we all do not have control over. Somehow that has defined things more for me and made things clearer and a little easier to take.
Positivity is a great thing as long as it isn't just a way to hide, deny and wollow. It is difficult for others to hear truly what we are thinking sometimes and that is why we more often than not just say fine. People truly don't want to HEAR... Once I actually was sick and tired and a friend asked me how I was doing? That day I honestly answered the question and the guy a life long friend held up his hand in my face and said he didn't want to hear about it. I told him to never ask me again how I was doing because I might be honest and tell him and walked away never truly keeping those kinds of friends and my world got very small.
I am not going to kid you both but cancer also doesn't keep us together if things aren't on steady ground instead it can exaserbate the problems you might have been denying. I had been with my lover for 5 years and 4.5 of those living in different provinces. We had just moved to the same city and I with my son, leaving all my childhood friends and family behind only to face the big C without them. Thank GOD for my girlfriend and her family, my mother was still well enough to travel so she did come out and help.
WE all need safe places to lay our fears and our souls for us to see. It never seemed so bad once I saw it down on paper and often gave me strength to face it all head on. You are the very things that can breath new hope and love and that can be the best there is.
All I know is there was two ways I could do this. Kick and scream through it and drive those that love me away or I could resign myself to it all and get through each day unscathed and having good belly laughs and finding the humor made it OK...
I am sorry that we all have to face such things but living is truly getting through the good and bad of our lives or we wouldn't know what we are truly made of and if we had learned anything yet.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

The Art of Living
living by the essentials of the heart
is an incredible book I was given at
Christmas. Insightful

Tara

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