Apr 01, 2010 - 11:39 am
I have read some of the discussions with interest, particularly the one on separation. My story is not unlike others here: I was diagnosed with PH+ ALL in 2002 and was given a 10% chance of survival w/out a successful bone marrow transplant.No donor was found and I went on Gleevec after the usual rounds of chemo. Actually I was told I would be given an autologous transplant and I declined. Fortunately the Gleevec held me in remission for almost 5 years. I must have believed I was someone special. In Mar, 2008 I relapsed and spent 120 consecutive days in the hospital. I contracted a severe fungal infection which damaged my knee cartilege and left me unable to walk, and I lost kidney function secondary to the treatment for the infection which required dialysis. I lost 70 lbs and almost died several times.
Two years and two painful knee replacements later, I can walk and don't require dialysis at this time. As others can attest to, it's not just the physical toll cancer takes on you. I was forced to close my business and go on disability. The uncertainty of when my cancer will return became too great.Then I found out my wife was carrying on a long-distance "relationship" with a man via phone, text and e-mail.She met him when she took my son to a tennis camp, the weekend I had just come home from the hospital. I'll never forget some of the e-mails I stumbled upon between the two of them.I asked her to stop the contact and she agreed she would, but it continued for a long time. She said this man is old and only someone to talk to because I won't communicate with her.
My wife was there for me when I was sick the first time. She was there for me the second time. Now I know she is tired of dealing with me. She feels she has lost the past 8 years of her life. Now she has said she can't "save" me; she has to live for herself.Now before you beat up on her keep in mind that I'm probably not the same person. I guess the illness changes you. We are not intimate and I really have lost interest in her. We have a 17 and 14 year old so I don't want them affected, however I know they feel the tension between their mom and dad.
We have been to therapy but nothing has changed for either of us. I love my wife but I don't know if this is how I want to spend my remaining years.