CSN Login
Members Online: 11

The birthday that wasn't

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi. My mom would have been turning 80 today. A milestone bday. But she's gone, passed away in June 09 four months after official diagnosis, 4 months into "Treatment" There's been alot of firsts since then , July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Xmas, NY, and now her birthday, Easter and Mother's Day are coming.. I think this day (bday) is the hardest of all. We probably would have celebrated her bday and Easter on the same day this year. How she loved Easter. She was a devout Catholic. I still can't believe she's gone and I've been doing okay, still devastated and still angry but okay. But today is really hitting me hard. I can barely stand to be here at work. But it's month end and I dare not miss month end. Well, maybe it's good that I'm so busy I can't think straight. Thanks for listening.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1095
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi Cindy, So sorry to hear you are going through that painful first year of celebrations without your Mom. It does get better as time goes by but it's always a rememberance of the loss and then the memories come flooding back for most of us who have lost someone dear.

I don't remember if you said that you were going to see a grief counsellor or not, my memory is pretty bad of late, but I think it's a really good idea for anyone who has experienced loss and especially if you still find yourself trapped in anger too - they can really help you through I know.

I hope at Easter you spend your time with loved ones and friends to help you through and if not then please use this board as you are doing to get your feelings out. I am spending Easter alone, my kids always chose to be somewhere else and I only mention that to remind you how wonderful you were to your Mom and how lucky she was to have you be there for her. That's a wonderful memory to remember at times like these.

Blessings, Bluerose

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

Thank You Bluerose for your kind, compassionate words of wisdom. I feel sometimes like I'm taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I will spend Easter with family(we are a very small group) and we will toast and remember her fondly. I am not currently going to grief counseling, in fact the wonderful people on these boards are my grief counselors. I do have a close friend who went thru treatment for BC a couple of years ago. She is doing fine now and continues to go to counseling for some depression/anger issues. She has invited me to go with her and I may take her up on that one of these days. It's hard for me to open up face to face with stranger. Have a peaceful, wonderful Easter.

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

The 'firsts' are the worst, for sure, when each memory slaps you upside the head with a wave of fresh grief, just when you thought you were moving on. ((((Hugs))))

I thought of my dear mother today, April Fools Day. She was such a prankster and I remember her sweet shy giggles when she had us 'fooled'. When I was just a little girl, she sewed the neck opening shut on my nightgown on April Fools Day (pulling the same trick on both of my sisters). When we tried to get dressed after our baths for bed, we couldn't figure out why we couldn't get our heads through the opening! I still remember her trying to choke back her laughter so that she could prolong our confusion, and when I finally pulled the gown back off in frustration, to see her burst into laughter and give me a big hug, an "April Fools!", and another nightgown to put on.

That memory CRUSHED me the 1st year after she was gone. Now it makes me smile each year. It'll get easier; I promise!

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1095
Joined: Jul 2009

You sound like you are getting all you need right here from the site and that's great but I'm glad to hear that you do have an option to attend sessions as well if you find yourself getting into issues you can't handle - you will know if you should go on your own but nice you have the option.

I am glad you have family to spend Easter with. I just read a post from a young soldier serving America right now overseas and one of his main messages was to make sure that you hug those close and make sure they know you love them as you just never know and you are blessed indeed to have family to spend Easter with, we take things like that for granted too often so for me I am glad I read his post to remind me.

Have a warm and blessed Easter tomorrow. Take care of you.

Blessings, Bluerose

Hollyanne
Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2010

I've been thinking about you Cindy Bear. I've been down with pancreatitis so haven't been doing much. I'm dreading this Sunday too. It's my first holiday without mom. Hang in there. You can vent anytime. XO Holly

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

Thanks Linda and Holly for the kind words. You don't know how comforting it is to read your posts. It's like hearing from 2 far away friends. I will be okay and I will find the strength to get through this. This too shall pass. Linda, your mother sounds like she was quite a character. What a lovely memory that is. Holly, take care of yourself and get well. Little things make me think of my mom, last night coloring eggs, the daffodils that she gave me that are blooming in my yard. I'll treasure those flowers each and every spring. I know that death is a part of life and something we must all deal with, loved ones, family and friends, beloved pets and ultimately our own. There's also those other "deaths" you know the ones I'm talking about. The dreams that don't come true, the failed relationships, financial problems , job loss etc. This too is part of life. I guess since we can't control the big things in life any more than we can control the weather, we should learn to savor and enjoy the little things. Gorgeous beautiful sunny days, spring rains, summer breezes, a night out with friends, a good book, a new dress. Like Warren Zevon said shortly before he died, "Enjoy every sandwich". Take care , Hugs, Cindy

Cindy54's picture
Cindy54
Posts: 454
Joined: Aug 2006

Hey Cindy, I also miss my Mom at Easter. This was her big holiday. Cleaning, cooking, baking, baskets! A lot of years her birthday fell on Easter. I truly believe that she has Easter all the time now. I lost her 3 years ago in December. It does get easier, the good memories take over more than the ones that make you sad. I so wish you the best. Hugs, Cindy

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network