so overwhelmed .....

dash4
dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I saw my oncologist today. I had been hoping that possibly he would not tell me what I already knew from my research, but no such luck. The protocol is 6 rounds of TCH every 3 weeks.. then radiation for 6 weeks and the herceptin will continue every 3 weeks for one year. I will need to get a port(I know I will need this, just wish I did not have to get it) and start chemo 3/29.

You would think after my lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy, I would get the reality of all of this....but it is still so surreal. To me, it is like an oxymoron that I should need all this treatment and yet be considered Stage 1 and 0 nodes involved.

My other decision I need to make is about a clinical trial. There is a Phase III trial with the same protocol I am going to get, but with the addition of avastin for one year with the herceptin. Anyone out there on this trial?

I miss my husband every moment, but especially tonight. I wish I could be discussing this with him. I wonder how I am going to get through this alone. I have good support, but it is not the same. My husband lost his battle with cancer 9/25. He was so amazing... Everyone keeps telling me that my journey is all so different from my husband's...and my head knows that, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole picture. I know to take it all one step at a time and I will, but still overwhelmed. When I have my meltdowns, I am not sure if it is about what I am going through or just missing him so desperately right now. Oh well, just feeling sad and alone at the moment-thanks for listening...

Comments

  • Youcandothis
    Youcandothis Member Posts: 79
    #2
    You are not alone
    There is always someone here to send you cyber hugs and let you know you will not walk this path alone. I'm so sorry to hear of your aggressive cancer. The stress of your loss is continuing to eat at you, and I suggest you discuss this with your internist. Mine insisted I use an antianxiety med and a sleep aid, said it would be part of the healing process. I can't address your other questions as I had chemo/rads but no port. Good luck a
  • pinkkari09
    pinkkari09 Member Posts: 877
    #3
    dash4, first of all, please
    dash4, first of all, please know you are NEVER alone. We are here for you 24/7. I can't imagine what it's like to lose your husband, but know he is watching over you always, he is your angel now :) The chemo and radiation, you can do it, one day at a time. My thoughts and prayers are with you, keep your head up high and fight warrior sister.
    Mountains of Love, and Big Hugs,
    Kari
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #4
    Dash, one day at a time and
    Dash, one day at a time and one step at a time. We'll be with you throughout your treatment to offer our support, knowledge and strength. I, too, lost my husband to cancer many, many years ago when I was still quite young with our 2 year old daughter. I remember all to well the loneliness and feeling of helplessness that occured. I am still here today and my daughter is now a lovely young woman. With the help and support of your friends and family, and of course us too, you will make it through this journey. The treatment for breast cancer is not as invasive as some of the other cancers. We'll be here to help you and I'm sending a big (((hug))) your way. Take care and continue to post and we'll be along to help you!!
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    #5
    MyTurnNow said:

    Dash, one day at a time and
    Dash, one day at a time and one step at a time. We'll be with you throughout your treatment to offer our support, knowledge and strength. I, too, lost my husband to cancer many, many years ago when I was still quite young with our 2 year old daughter. I remember all to well the loneliness and feeling of helplessness that occured. I am still here today and my daughter is now a lovely young woman. With the help and support of your friends and family, and of course us too, you will make it through this journey. The treatment for breast cancer is not as invasive as some of the other cancers. We'll be here to help you and I'm sending a big (((hug))) your way. Take care and continue to post and we'll be along to help you!!

    You can do it!
    I also had stage 1 and zero node involvement ... and thought after the lumpectomy that would take care of it. But ... like you ... the oncologist told me I needed chemo then 6 weeks of radiation and herceptin every 3 weeks for a year. I am 66 and live alone ... and ... much to my surprise ... I DID IT ALL. ALL BY MYSELF. I still can't belive I did it ... but I did. And I worked full time through the whole thing. Other than having people drive me to and from surgery for the lumpectomy and port installation ... and the "main" chemo (taxol/herceptin) ... I did it all by myself. The port is the best invention ever ... especially if you are a big chicken with needles like I am. I finished the herceptin last Friday (the 12th) ... and now all I have to do is take tamoxifen ... and of course the doctors with monitor me closely ... but ... I made this far ... and you can too. :-)

    hugs.
    Teena
  • Weezie2010
    Weezie2010 Member Posts: 11
    #6
    tgf said:

    You can do it!
    I also had stage 1 and zero node involvement ... and thought after the lumpectomy that would take care of it. But ... like you ... the oncologist told me I needed chemo then 6 weeks of radiation and herceptin every 3 weeks for a year. I am 66 and live alone ... and ... much to my surprise ... I DID IT ALL. ALL BY MYSELF. I still can't belive I did it ... but I did. And I worked full time through the whole thing. Other than having people drive me to and from surgery for the lumpectomy and port installation ... and the "main" chemo (taxol/herceptin) ... I did it all by myself. The port is the best invention ever ... especially if you are a big chicken with needles like I am. I finished the herceptin last Friday (the 12th) ... and now all I have to do is take tamoxifen ... and of course the doctors with monitor me closely ... but ... I made this far ... and you can too. :-)

    hugs.
    Teena

    IN THIS TOGETHER
    MK, so glad you posted the results of your appt, it is so close to mine it is unbelievable! i am still struggling with where to start my treatment, had an awful weekend, cried so much i thought i was drowning, but i took ativan which i have been taking for sleep for a while and my doctor told me to use them daily if i need them - so i can relate to the meltdown; as for the loss of your husband i am so sorry, i have been separated from my husband for 7 yrs, we are living in the same house right now, but he is not part of my support and I too feel so alone - at one point this weekend thinking I don't even want to do this.

    Thanks so much to TEENA, you really make me feel like this is really possible.
    Hugs and Prayers for all of us.
    Weezie
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #7
    tgf said:

    You can do it!
    I also had stage 1 and zero node involvement ... and thought after the lumpectomy that would take care of it. But ... like you ... the oncologist told me I needed chemo then 6 weeks of radiation and herceptin every 3 weeks for a year. I am 66 and live alone ... and ... much to my surprise ... I DID IT ALL. ALL BY MYSELF. I still can't belive I did it ... but I did. And I worked full time through the whole thing. Other than having people drive me to and from surgery for the lumpectomy and port installation ... and the "main" chemo (taxol/herceptin) ... I did it all by myself. The port is the best invention ever ... especially if you are a big chicken with needles like I am. I finished the herceptin last Friday (the 12th) ... and now all I have to do is take tamoxifen ... and of course the doctors with monitor me closely ... but ... I made this far ... and you can too. :-)

    hugs.
    Teena

    such inspiration...
    Teena,
    I cannot believe your post-it is the inspiration I need...I feel like I am being such a baby and feeling so glum-except no one knows but me because I am only like that when I am alone and allow myself to be sad. You should be so proud of yourself--wishing you the best and keeping you in my prayers.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #8
    MyTurnNow said:

    Dash, one day at a time and
    Dash, one day at a time and one step at a time. We'll be with you throughout your treatment to offer our support, knowledge and strength. I, too, lost my husband to cancer many, many years ago when I was still quite young with our 2 year old daughter. I remember all to well the loneliness and feeling of helplessness that occured. I am still here today and my daughter is now a lovely young woman. With the help and support of your friends and family, and of course us too, you will make it through this journey. The treatment for breast cancer is not as invasive as some of the other cancers. We'll be here to help you and I'm sending a big (((hug))) your way. Take care and continue to post and we'll be along to help you!!

    Thanks for the (((hug))) and
    Thanks for the (((hug))) and your words of encouragement. You too are a very strong person...keeping you in my prayers too.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #9
    Weezie2010 said:

    IN THIS TOGETHER
    MK, so glad you posted the results of your appt, it is so close to mine it is unbelievable! i am still struggling with where to start my treatment, had an awful weekend, cried so much i thought i was drowning, but i took ativan which i have been taking for sleep for a while and my doctor told me to use them daily if i need them - so i can relate to the meltdown; as for the loss of your husband i am so sorry, i have been separated from my husband for 7 yrs, we are living in the same house right now, but he is not part of my support and I too feel so alone - at one point this weekend thinking I don't even want to do this.

    Thanks so much to TEENA, you really make me feel like this is really possible.
    Hugs and Prayers for all of us.
    Weezie

    we will...
    Weezie,
    The hard part is deciding on the treatment...if you know that, just go with your gut on where to be. You can always change if you decide it is what you want to do. My husbands first 10 months was at one cancer center and then the next 4 and 1/2 was at another...
    I had the same thought as you last night-I don't even want to do this. I feel I just need to hurry up and wake up cause it is not a good dream I am having. I am wondering if you can become dehydrated from too much crying?!..Teena's post really did help. It is a new day and I need to embrace it and move on...you can do this too. We will compare notes-what did you say is your start day? Let me know.
    mk
  • Weezie2010
    Weezie2010 Member Posts: 11
    #10
    dash4 said:

    we will...
    Weezie,
    The hard part is deciding on the treatment...if you know that, just go with your gut on where to be. You can always change if you decide it is what you want to do. My husbands first 10 months was at one cancer center and then the next 4 and 1/2 was at another...
    I had the same thought as you last night-I don't even want to do this. I feel I just need to hurry up and wake up cause it is not a good dream I am having. I am wondering if you can become dehydrated from too much crying?!..Teena's post really did help. It is a new day and I need to embrace it and move on...you can do this too. We will compare notes-what did you say is your start day? Let me know.
    mk

    we will..
    MK,
    Yes, I know you are right - i don't have a start date until I decide where/what etc, can you believe my first onc appt was Feb 12 and I still keep coming up with more questions..I guess it's my way of stalling. Embrace the new day and move on..i love it - well I guess we've started the journey now, really glad that you're here (well, as glad as I can be that anybody's here) Take care
    Hugs and Prayers
    Weezie
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #11
    Weezie2010 said:

    IN THIS TOGETHER
    MK, so glad you posted the results of your appt, it is so close to mine it is unbelievable! i am still struggling with where to start my treatment, had an awful weekend, cried so much i thought i was drowning, but i took ativan which i have been taking for sleep for a while and my doctor told me to use them daily if i need them - so i can relate to the meltdown; as for the loss of your husband i am so sorry, i have been separated from my husband for 7 yrs, we are living in the same house right now, but he is not part of my support and I too feel so alone - at one point this weekend thinking I don't even want to do this.

    Thanks so much to TEENA, you really make me feel like this is really possible.
    Hugs and Prayers for all of us.
    Weezie

    I remember saying "I cant do
    I remember saying "I cant do this" (my second primary second chemo) and someone said you can do it you just "dont want to" it seems so overwhelming and sometimes the unknown and just starting can be so hard. its not a piece of cake, but it can be done. Break it down into small pieces and do whats right for you. People write on here esp withissues but some people do extrememly well.(not me as I had a secondary problem) but if not for that I would have. Stage 1 zero nodes is great. you need the chemo to make sure no critters escaped. hugs and we are here. I am sorry about your husband.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #12
    carkris said:

    I remember saying "I cant do
    I remember saying "I cant do this" (my second primary second chemo) and someone said you can do it you just "dont want to" it seems so overwhelming and sometimes the unknown and just starting can be so hard. its not a piece of cake, but it can be done. Break it down into small pieces and do whats right for you. People write on here esp withissues but some people do extrememly well.(not me as I had a secondary problem) but if not for that I would have. Stage 1 zero nodes is great. you need the chemo to make sure no critters escaped. hugs and we are here. I am sorry about your husband.

    keeping it in perspective...
    Carkris,
    I do know that I am so lucky to be Stage 1 and I don't mean to sound ungrateful..thank you for keeping it in perspective for me. You are so right...I know I can do it-I am just having a bit of a temper tantrum because I do not want to have to do it. I am just so tired..the sun is finally shining here today and that is a good start to my new day.. hugs to you too.
    mk
  • Sharon_D
    Sharon_D Member Posts: 55
    #13
    dash4 said:

    Thanks for the (((hug))) and
    Thanks for the (((hug))) and your words of encouragement. You too are a very strong person...keeping you in my prayers too.

    My 2 cents
    I think you are perfectly justified to feel the way you do. But, you do have a wonderful support system here and we have all been along the same journey, just taking different paths.

    You will be sooooooooo glad you got that port! It is so much better than being stuck all the time.

    Hang in there gal. You'll kick cancer booty too.
  • susanleeann
    susanleeann Member Posts: 58
    #14
    this is a very good place to
    this is a very good place to be. i was diagnosed just after christmas. had lumpectomy jan 29. then an axillary dissection on mar 5. 6/35 lymph nodes were microscopically positve. will start 6 rounds chemo next monday after a port implanted friday. everyone here is so great, understanding, and care so much about keeping each other going through it all. know that you are a part of the prayers of so many, not just your own support circle but here too.
  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #15
    MaryKay
    So glad you posted! I was thinking about you and praying for you yesterday...knowing you had your oncology appt and coming up w/a game plan. I'm sorry you will have to do the chemo thing...this is a great place for support as so many have already been where you are. I can't imagine how difficult this must be after the loss of your husband. Know that
    I am thinking about you and praying for you.

    I do think it will get "easier" once you are actively engaged in the battle...i think the waiting really added to the anxiety. God Bless....
    Julie
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #16
    jbug said:

    MaryKay
    So glad you posted! I was thinking about you and praying for you yesterday...knowing you had your oncology appt and coming up w/a game plan. I'm sorry you will have to do the chemo thing...this is a great place for support as so many have already been where you are. I can't imagine how difficult this must be after the loss of your husband. Know that
    I am thinking about you and praying for you.

    I do think it will get "easier" once you are actively engaged in the battle...i think the waiting really added to the anxiety. God Bless....
    Julie

    thank you
    Julie,
    It really touches me to know you were thinking and praying for me yesterday-I think you helped me make it through the day. You would have been proud-I was quite "together" at the appt-I waited till I got home and reported in with everyone and let them know I was "just fine" and then had my meltdown. I am so glad I posted - the responses have really been a blessing...so thank you again...hugs and prayers to you.
  • mollymousemom
    mollymousemom Member Posts: 18
    #17
    overwhelmed
    hi Dash........haven't posted before, but been a member since 7/29/09..I am here reading the posts & saying prayers for everyone....sorry you're having so much to deal with......the only thing I can help you with is the port......mine was a piece of cake ....went into day hospital & was on my way home in about 2 hrs.....very little discomfort with it......mine was only used for my chemo treatments & never needed anything to rub on site before chemo...only had a little prick when had the chemo......like I said piece of cake......I have never regretted getting it......was in hospital week of Thanksgiving w/low blood counts.....very happy I had the port then.......sure did save my arm from being jabbed all the time.....please know that there are a great bunch of ladies on this site & they will lift you in prayer & be here for support...I have gleanned a lot of comfort from behind the scenes....you're in my prayers
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #18
    mollymousemom said:

    overwhelmed
    hi Dash........haven't posted before, but been a member since 7/29/09..I am here reading the posts & saying prayers for everyone....sorry you're having so much to deal with......the only thing I can help you with is the port......mine was a piece of cake ....went into day hospital & was on my way home in about 2 hrs.....very little discomfort with it......mine was only used for my chemo treatments & never needed anything to rub on site before chemo...only had a little prick when had the chemo......like I said piece of cake......I have never regretted getting it......was in hospital week of Thanksgiving w/low blood counts.....very happy I had the port then.......sure did save my arm from being jabbed all the time.....please know that there are a great bunch of ladies on this site & they will lift you in prayer & be here for support...I have gleanned a lot of comfort from behind the scenes....you're in my prayers

    Dear Dash, I'm so sorry
    Dear Dash, I'm so sorry about your husband and your bc. Sometimes I wonder why people get hit with so much at the same time, it seems. My heart goes out to you and I really think you're stronger than you know. I have a lot of health issues going on at the same time as I'm struggling to get rid of this filthy beast that attacks so many of us. But I do have my husband beside me, sitting in waiting rooms, listening, loving and comforting me, crying and smiling with me and I'm truly thankful. I hope you have a good support system with your family and friends. Regardless of that, you won't find a greater group than the ladies and men here. We are your support, comfort, relief, whatever you need. Vent, cry, get angry, we'll be here for you. No matter what, you can count on us day or night. And when you smile, laugh, get toward the finish line, we'll celebrate with you. You can do this, you've already gone so far. There will come a time when there'll be happy, sun-filled, enjoyable days. You're strong, courageous and inspiring for the rest of us. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Much love, hugs and prayers coming to you.
  • dash4
    dash4 Member Posts: 303 Member
    #19
    mollymousemom said:

    overwhelmed
    hi Dash........haven't posted before, but been a member since 7/29/09..I am here reading the posts & saying prayers for everyone....sorry you're having so much to deal with......the only thing I can help you with is the port......mine was a piece of cake ....went into day hospital & was on my way home in about 2 hrs.....very little discomfort with it......mine was only used for my chemo treatments & never needed anything to rub on site before chemo...only had a little prick when had the chemo......like I said piece of cake......I have never regretted getting it......was in hospital week of Thanksgiving w/low blood counts.....very happy I had the port then.......sure did save my arm from being jabbed all the time.....please know that there are a great bunch of ladies on this site & they will lift you in prayer & be here for support...I have gleanned a lot of comfort from behind the scenes....you're in my prayers

    so kind...
    Molly,
    How kind of you to take the time to share your port story..you do make it sound so doable...My big problem is I compare everything to my husband's cancer journey and then suddenly I am the patient and it all just seems so wrong..you help me to keep it all in proper focus..thank you, I am sending hugs and prayers your way.
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #20
    dash4 said:

    keeping it in perspective...
    Carkris,
    I do know that I am so lucky to be Stage 1 and I don't mean to sound ungrateful..thank you for keeping it in perspective for me. You are so right...I know I can do it-I am just having a bit of a temper tantrum because I do not want to have to do it. I am just so tired..the sun is finally shining here today and that is a good start to my new day.. hugs to you too.
    mk

    Dash
    Nobody could say that you are lucky with stage 1. However the good news are that cancer was detected at a very early time and will never comes back if treated properly.
    We will support you at any time and you can do it. Please post and ask questions.
    I am very sorry for your husband, your main support and inspiration.
    Hugs,
    New Flower

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