LOST/SCARED
Comments
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Dear friend
Dear friend, Please don't lose hope. You'll find on this site a lot of gals just like you who understand how you're feeling. It sounds like you could use a support group with whom to meet to talk about your situation. Support of others is so important because the encouragement of others helps us to see the hope that's out there. I read a book after my diagnosis - "Uplift" by Barbara Delinsky - the author quotes many women of all ages who have been through this battle and after reading the book, I found myself being so much more positive. Just remember that you are valuable - to your children and to those who love you. Please don't give up the fight. You are stronger than you think. I will pray for you as I have found that the prayers others have said for me have strengthened me throughout this ordeal. My faith in God has increased 10 fold and I am filled with gratitude for whatever life He is giving me. On a practical level, I would perhaps get a second opinion on the pain you're still feeling - if you feel you're not getting enough information from your current health care provider. You may also want to talk to your doctor about situational depression and see if you might need some medication to get over the hump...
Please talk to us if you continue to feel hopeless. We're there for you!
Beth0 -
make the call asap
Ya know, none of us deserves this curse. We were going along, minding our own business when we get this 'death sentence'! At least, that's one way to look at it. I think it's the shock of it all, our betrayal by our own bodies, that keeps us on edge, even after we've been 'cured' and are being followed closely to watch for any other signs of cancer. It becomes a choice whether you take the path of worrying yourself to death or, kicking cancer's butt out the door and living your best life despite it. What a great triumph over cancer: to live a long and happy life! Your children deserve a life with their mom, even if you must endure tests, scans, imaging, maybe even more surgery. Which ever doctor you see next, or the one you trust the most, I wish you would call him/her today and tell them you are so scared and lost that you are trying to od. You need someone to talk face to face with. This discussion board has great people who seem to know the right things to say, but you need a warm body to talk to. Please, stop reading this and call one of your docs, right now! Good luck with this journey of yours, Darling! Please let us know how you're doing.
~~Connie~~0 -
Darling, I'm glad you
Darling, I'm glad you decided to share your feelings with us. We really are people who have been there and have compassion and support for our fellow bc warriors. Having been diagnosed with bc is not a "death sentence" because if it were, you wouldn't be able to come on this site and talk to all of us. We are ALL, including YOU, Survivors!! Your treatment sounds very similar to mine and I have also just recently finished treatments. I believe once we have completed our "active" treatment we can feel like we're not doing anything anymore. Hopefully, the chemo and rads that we did endure have done their job and slayed the beast. Yes, there will always be the possibility that we will have a recurrence but for now, let's rejoice and share our lives with the ones we love. In your case it sounds like you have 3 beautiful children that are depending on you. I'm sure they are all very proud of their mom and all you have been through. There are many bc sisters on this site that have asked their doctors for medication to help them through their treatments. Perhaps it's time for you to ask that question. It is not uncommon to experience depression and I'm guessing to have the responsibility of 3 children exacerbates the situation. Please, if you continue to feel the helplessness feelings, ask for help from your doctor. Continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Take care and be proud of yourself, you have made some great accomplishments in beating the beast!!0 -
You need to call your
You need to call your doctors now. If you have attempted to OD you need some serious help. A cancer diagnosis is scary and there is so much involved with the treatments. The fact that you are young with 3 children is even more difficult. But you seem to be in a serious depression and that needs live assistance. We are here for you but you must first take this step to ensure that your children continue to have a mom. Please call your doctors ASAP.
Stef0 -
Hi Darling
I also have been on this journey since April 09. I had a lumpectomy, chemo , rads and now continued Herceptin and Tamoxifen. Still have pain in arm and pit. Please don't look at this as a death sentence. There are alot of long term suvivors here. Not all BC is a death sentence. Your not crazy, we all have feelings like your having from time to time. Its ok once in a while. You must move forward and be positive. You have 3 young kids that need you. You might want to tell you doctor ONC how your feeling. There is some good meds out there that can help you get through this ruff time. Please hang in there, and we are here for you.0 -
I've talked w/my medicalfauxma said:You need to call your
You need to call your doctors now. If you have attempted to OD you need some serious help. A cancer diagnosis is scary and there is so much involved with the treatments. The fact that you are young with 3 children is even more difficult. But you seem to be in a serious depression and that needs live assistance. We are here for you but you must first take this step to ensure that your children continue to have a mom. Please call your doctors ASAP.
Stef
I've talked w/my medical oncologist & he did prescribe me a new med and its helped some,i dont have the suicidal thoughts anymore,but i feel even more anti-social,all i do is work & sleep(thats when the hotflashes r gone)0 -
Darling,
Your message really hit a cord with me. You have every right to feel scared and alone and even desperate. Sometimes living with the shadow of cancer can seem like no life at all. How can you live your life when you are expecting the worst to happen at any moment? I truly understand. I was 34 at diagnosis and had some of the same feelings. There were even times when I thought that being alive and dealing with the fear were just too much to handle. There were days when I literally couldn't put one foot in front of the other. I had had it. Darling, I no longer live with that kind of fear. I finished chemo in April 2009 and rads in June 2009. I still have fear and yes wonder when the doctors will find something to seal my doom. But those thoughts are only part of my life -- not my whole life. I work full time, enjoy a vibrant social life and urban living, have gone back to school to pursue my dream, exercise regularly, and take care of myself. My life is not perfect, but those dark days have passed. You need time to feel better. But never doubt that you WILL feel better. I promise. Please visit the website www.youngsurvival.org -- it's a site geared toward women under age 40 with breast cancer. The bulletin board is a great place to talk about your fears, the challenges of rearing young children, and much, much more. Believe me, there are women there who have felt or still feel as you do. And there are women who can show you how to crawl out from that darkness.
I understand the fantasy of ending it all, I really do. But life will be so much better. You will see your precious children grow up and share the world with them. Don't give that up. For now, just keep reaching out as you are. Keeping going through the motions and one day soon, it won't be so hard anymore.
Mimi0 -
Thank u for your encouragingmimivac said:Darling,
Your message really hit a cord with me. You have every right to feel scared and alone and even desperate. Sometimes living with the shadow of cancer can seem like no life at all. How can you live your life when you are expecting the worst to happen at any moment? I truly understand. I was 34 at diagnosis and had some of the same feelings. There were even times when I thought that being alive and dealing with the fear were just too much to handle. There were days when I literally couldn't put one foot in front of the other. I had had it. Darling, I no longer live with that kind of fear. I finished chemo in April 2009 and rads in June 2009. I still have fear and yes wonder when the doctors will find something to seal my doom. But those thoughts are only part of my life -- not my whole life. I work full time, enjoy a vibrant social life and urban living, have gone back to school to pursue my dream, exercise regularly, and take care of myself. My life is not perfect, but those dark days have passed. You need time to feel better. But never doubt that you WILL feel better. I promise. Please visit the website www.youngsurvival.org -- it's a site geared toward women under age 40 with breast cancer. The bulletin board is a great place to talk about your fears, the challenges of rearing young children, and much, much more. Believe me, there are women there who have felt or still feel as you do. And there are women who can show you how to crawl out from that darkness.
I understand the fantasy of ending it all, I really do. But life will be so much better. You will see your precious children grow up and share the world with them. Don't give that up. For now, just keep reaching out as you are. Keeping going through the motions and one day soon, it won't be so hard anymore.
Mimi
Thank u for your encouraging words!!0 -
Welcome, Darling
I had bilateral lumpectomies, chemo and radiation, which I finished 2 months ago, so we're probably in similar places.
What I found has helped me since finishing active treatment is taking charge of my health as much as possible. Treatment is SO passive -- you lie there while they perform surgery on you, you lie there while they pump chemo into you, you lie there while they give you radiation -- so, for me, it really helps me feel better to now be proactive.
My energy and strength are still so low, I have to take baby steps, but I started walking 15 minutes every day on my lunch hour, and I'm now up to 30 minutes. I'm trying to eat at least one fruit or vegetable at every meal, and hydrating, hydrating, hydrating.
I know how hard it is to take the first steps when you're still so tired and beaten-down from treatment, and so scared of what the future holds -- but your kids need their mom, and you deserve to build a strong, happy life for yourself after breast cancer.
Traci0 -
I am so glad that you areDarling said:I've talked w/my medical
I've talked w/my medical oncologist & he did prescribe me a new med and its helped some,i dont have the suicidal thoughts anymore,but i feel even more anti-social,all i do is work & sleep(thats when the hotflashes r gone)
I am so glad that you are not having those thoughts anymore. This is so rougn for you. You are young with a family and that makes this journey hard. Do you have any support from a spouse, significant other, family or friends? We are here for you but I think that you might benefit from some person to person support. Are you active in a church? If so, that can be a excellent means of support. I will keep you in my prayers. I hate what this disease does to us, not just physically but emotionally. Please continue to post here, there are ladies here that can give you advice and support. Stef0 -
I was diagnosed the firstTraciInLA said:Welcome, Darling
I had bilateral lumpectomies, chemo and radiation, which I finished 2 months ago, so we're probably in similar places.
What I found has helped me since finishing active treatment is taking charge of my health as much as possible. Treatment is SO passive -- you lie there while they perform surgery on you, you lie there while they pump chemo into you, you lie there while they give you radiation -- so, for me, it really helps me feel better to now be proactive.
My energy and strength are still so low, I have to take baby steps, but I started walking 15 minutes every day on my lunch hour, and I'm now up to 30 minutes. I'm trying to eat at least one fruit or vegetable at every meal, and hydrating, hydrating, hydrating.
I know how hard it is to take the first steps when you're still so tired and beaten-down from treatment, and so scared of what the future holds -- but your kids need their mom, and you deserve to build a strong, happy life for yourself after breast cancer.
Traci
I was diagnosed the first time 16 years ago. I was 34. I felt deppressed and really angry. Unfortunately for me there were fewer people my age around me, and the internet was not what it is now. I survived for 15 years cancer free until this diagnosis which is a new primary. I have been so grateful for the years I have seen my children grow older, they were 8 months and 3 at the time. now they are 16 and 19. Its not always easy but life gets better trust me. dont give up , I always saw a therapist, and still do. and this site has been a blessing. With this diagnosis I started lexapro which has helped me with the hormonal changes. Nobody is happy to be diagnosed with breast cancer and life does change into a new normal. Hugs.0 -
Please don't give up!Darling said:Thank u for your encouraging
Thank u for your encouraging words!!
I just want to add my strongest encouragement to not give up! We are your sisters in the battle and you can share anything here...fears, desires, frustrations, anger, bitterness...whatever. I'm glad your onc started you on some medication and that you are not wanting to hurt yourself or od right now, but it doesn't sound like you are at the right dosage or perhaps even the right medication or combination of meds. Please ask again and/or consider seeking additional counseling. Will be praying for you! Please post again and let us know how you are doing...God Bless....
Julie0 -
Welcome Darling, I didn't
Welcome Darling, I didn't get a chance to read the comments to your post as it's late and I'm going to bed so I hope I'm not repeating anyone, however; I really wanted to reply to your post. Cancer is hard, we never wanted to hear those words, here we are going on about our normal lives and BAM we get the dx. I'm 38 years old, I have a beautiful 20 year old daughter and a handsome 15 year old son who give me the strength to fight, I fight with everything in me because they need their Mom. I lost my Mom to lung cancer two years ago and I don't want them to be without a Mom as I am. I'm stage IIIc triple negative and have undergone 16 chemo treatments, bilateral mastectomy, both ovaries and immediate reconstruction with lattisimus dorsi flap on 2-11-10, one month ago, I start radiation on Monday 30-35 treatments. I'm a warrior now and I will do the best I can "ONE DAY AT A TIME". It has been overwhelming for me as I have been going to all the same clinics as I took my Mom and even sitting in the same chemo chair. I have decided to start seeing a psychiatrist to help me cope with all that is happening (something I was always to proud to do, but I know I need it, this is hard stuff). Like many other woman on here, I'm also going through a divorce, my husband has been unfaithful during my cancer. So I'm going to be selfish here and tell you that I need each and every one of you on this site to get me through, including you darling, so hang in there and remember we can do this just "ONE DAY AT A TIME".
Mountains of Love and Big Hugs,
~Kari0 -
Be in chargepinkkari09 said:Welcome Darling, I didn't
Welcome Darling, I didn't get a chance to read the comments to your post as it's late and I'm going to bed so I hope I'm not repeating anyone, however; I really wanted to reply to your post. Cancer is hard, we never wanted to hear those words, here we are going on about our normal lives and BAM we get the dx. I'm 38 years old, I have a beautiful 20 year old daughter and a handsome 15 year old son who give me the strength to fight, I fight with everything in me because they need their Mom. I lost my Mom to lung cancer two years ago and I don't want them to be without a Mom as I am. I'm stage IIIc triple negative and have undergone 16 chemo treatments, bilateral mastectomy, both ovaries and immediate reconstruction with lattisimus dorsi flap on 2-11-10, one month ago, I start radiation on Monday 30-35 treatments. I'm a warrior now and I will do the best I can "ONE DAY AT A TIME". It has been overwhelming for me as I have been going to all the same clinics as I took my Mom and even sitting in the same chemo chair. I have decided to start seeing a psychiatrist to help me cope with all that is happening (something I was always to proud to do, but I know I need it, this is hard stuff). Like many other woman on here, I'm also going through a divorce, my husband has been unfaithful during my cancer. So I'm going to be selfish here and tell you that I need each and every one of you on this site to get me through, including you darling, so hang in there and remember we can do this just "ONE DAY AT A TIME".
Mountains of Love and Big Hugs,
~Kari
Somebody here said we are warriors. It is true. I learned through all my treatment that I must communicate with my dr to get the most out of treatment. Call your dr until you and he or she get the dosages just right! Give yourself the same love and care you give your children, you deserve it and so do they. Join a support group and let them hold your hand through this difficult time.0 -
Kick Cancer BootyYoucandothis said:Be in charge
Somebody here said we are warriors. It is true. I learned through all my treatment that I must communicate with my dr to get the most out of treatment. Call your dr until you and he or she get the dosages just right! Give yourself the same love and care you give your children, you deserve it and so do they. Join a support group and let them hold your hand through this difficult time.
I prefer to think of myself as a "Breast Cancer Conqueror" instead of survivor. Survivor indicates that something attacked you and you lived thru it. Conqueror indicates that it may have attacked it, but you kicked it's booty and YOU won!
We all had fears, doubts, and panic days when we really thought we couldn't do this any more. But we made it and you can too.
I thought if one more person told me how strong I am, I would show them by strangling the life out of them, but they were right. I won't be defeated.
With three children, you have a lot to live for and they need their mommy. Hang in there girl. I'm praying for you.0 -
To Darling and all you otherSharon_D said:Kick Cancer Booty
I prefer to think of myself as a "Breast Cancer Conqueror" instead of survivor. Survivor indicates that something attacked you and you lived thru it. Conqueror indicates that it may have attacked it, but you kicked it's booty and YOU won!
We all had fears, doubts, and panic days when we really thought we couldn't do this any more. But we made it and you can too.
I thought if one more person told me how strong I am, I would show them by strangling the life out of them, but they were right. I won't be defeated.
With three children, you have a lot to live for and they need their mommy. Hang in there girl. I'm praying for you.
To Darling and all you other amazing women here. I'm so sorry that any of us have to spend one second on fearing the unknown and battling this beast all at the same time. I too felt like I had been handed a death sentence when I heard the news I had bc. My heart goes out to all of you especially you younger women who have to deal with all this while still having a family to take care of. I can't imagine what you're going thru since I'm older and my family's raised. But I look at my newest little grandson and it makes the battle easier.
You are stronger than you realize, you will find strength that you didn't know you had. You will be there for your children because you know you have to be and you want to be. I know its not easy and each day might come with a new struggle but this is the time when you can rise up, take charge of the day and be the warrior to overcome all this. In everyone's life there comes a time to take action and this is your time to shine. You can win this, you can finish this battle. You have to take care of your needs now, that's priority #1. Get all the help you can, medically, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Then the rest will fall into place. The main thing is "Never give up". One day this will pass and you'll be able to enjoy your wonderful families, good times and sunny days. Come here often and share yourself with the rest of us. We understand and we're here for you, and we're here all the time. Hope you can feel the love and hugs coming to you over this board.0 -
I Am Soooo Glad to Hear ItDarling said:I've talked w/my medical
I've talked w/my medical oncologist & he did prescribe me a new med and its helped some,i dont have the suicidal thoughts anymore,but i feel even more anti-social,all i do is work & sleep(thats when the hotflashes r gone)
Wooo. I am glad to hear this. If these meds don't work or you seem to feel like ending it, you get you butt back to the Onc and get something to help you. Try not to lose faith. We are here for you.
P0 -
Please seek help! Breastcrselby said:make the call asap
Ya know, none of us deserves this curse. We were going along, minding our own business when we get this 'death sentence'! At least, that's one way to look at it. I think it's the shock of it all, our betrayal by our own bodies, that keeps us on edge, even after we've been 'cured' and are being followed closely to watch for any other signs of cancer. It becomes a choice whether you take the path of worrying yourself to death or, kicking cancer's butt out the door and living your best life despite it. What a great triumph over cancer: to live a long and happy life! Your children deserve a life with their mom, even if you must endure tests, scans, imaging, maybe even more surgery. Which ever doctor you see next, or the one you trust the most, I wish you would call him/her today and tell them you are so scared and lost that you are trying to od. You need someone to talk face to face with. This discussion board has great people who seem to know the right things to say, but you need a warm body to talk to. Please, stop reading this and call one of your docs, right now! Good luck with this journey of yours, Darling! Please let us know how you're doing.
~~Connie~~
Please seek help! Breast cancer is hard, but, you can get thru it. Look at all of the bc survivors on here! Please post as often as you feel the need to. We are here for you!
HUGS0 -
THANK U ALLdash4 said:just a "word"...
You have already gotten so much great advice, but I will just add one of my favorite phrases to remember...
Cancer is just a "word" - not a "sentence".....
Keeping you in my prayers....
Mary Kay
WOW,I really like that phrase=) I will continue 2 always keep that on my mind,THANK ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL WOMEN!!!0
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