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boyfriend won't talk about his feelings

mlj0615
Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2010

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. He lost his father to kidney cancer four years ago when he was 17 years old..now he is 22. We had to clean out his old house and we found a lot of things that brough back memories of his father. He talks about his father a lot but never talks about how he feels. He finally confessed that he doesn't have any emotions about it and that he doensn't have any emotions in general...what does that mean? How can I help him? I broke down in front of him for the first time and nothing happened to him. I know inside that he is hurting so bad but he just won't admit it and I don't want to pressure him to talk about it..anyone have any suggestions on what to do?

AnnaLeigh's picture
AnnaLeigh
Posts: 177
Joined: Jan 2010

You are very kind and loving to want to help your boyfriend and I know that you can see through the front he is putting up about the death of his father. But everyone grieves differently.

Some people grieve immediately after their loved ones pass away and some do not grieve until years later down the road, possibly after they have children of their own and realize what it takes to be a parent. There are some people who grieve loudly and obviously and then there are the ones who do it quietly, behind closed doors, when they are alone. Your boyfriend may already be feeling grief and just has an entirely different way of showing it than you do. If he is not talking about his feelings it is because he is not ready.

Just be willing to listen if there ever comes a time when he wants to talk about how he feels. Really, really listening to someone is the very best way to show you care and the best way to help them through their grief.

Wishing you happy days and joyous memories,

AnnaLeigh

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