Caregiver Blues

Hi Dan
I am the wife of JR.
Hi Dan
I am the wife of JR. Stage IV. Not as advanced as your wife but has been told that a liver resection is not an option because he has it in both lungs and on his right adrenal glad. It is hard to see him on the bad days with chemo. He did respond will to it so far. I am not sure if the Xeloda and avastin are doing the job because his CEA is going up. His hands and feet are so sore.

I would really think about going for the trial. It maybe the one that can reduce the cancer. You won't no until you try. I think it has to be up to her. It is hard to be the partner because you want to see them go on and on. I hope you understand what I am saying. My heart goes out to you both and your kids.We are here for you and let us no what is going on. Take care best to you, Paula

Hey Dan - Lots of love and
Hey Dan - Lots of love and sparks of hope coming your way. I'm Stage IV as well. I'm really sorry to hear that Sarah's treatments have not given the results that you ought to have. UNC caught my eye. I'm being treated at Wake Forest in WInston-Salem. I have a lot of faith in this place; so I'll recommend it as a good place to look at if you are seeking another opinion. Don't give up. Stay Strong.
Roger

All in abundant supply
Love, support, suggestions and hope are in abundance on this board.

It never hurts to look into trials or non-traditional options when nothing else seems to have worked. Once you look, then you and Sarah can make the choice which you both feel comfortable with.

Care giver is one of the most difficult roles in life, and when you have young children it is even more so. You don't mention a support network of family and friends, but hopefully you have them and let them help you all.

You may want to contact your local Cancer Society or Hospice there about counseling for the children to help them better deal with this. They can be of help.

I hope that you and your family can find options which meet your needs, but know that on here you can always find a bunch of wonderful folks who will offer all they can.

Marie

Jaylo969 said:

Hi Dan
My heart goes out to you and your wife and family. I know a little of the mental and emotional pain you are going through. I am currently a cancer survivor in treatment, but before this I was a hospice caregiver.A lot of times when I got to someone's home the family would draw me aside and just start talking and talking. Things that they were holding in and didn't feel like they could talk about to their family.I hope you have someone you can go to and feel free to let it out.This board is a good place for that too. The people on here have much experience and knowledge and a hefty dose of compassion.

If your wife wants to try something else then pursue it. If not, that is okay too.

I feel for you and your wife & children.Much love & hope being sent your way.

-Pat

Dan.......
Its very hard to make an opinion as to what might or should be done in this kind of situation. I really fought at posting on this certain thread for fear of not knowing what to say, or even if I might say the wrong thing. I feel that you feel the same as my wife did or I did with my father, lost needed guidance or direction, on some very fragile subjects and decisions my wife and I had to make. Dan, I can tell you easily what I would or would not do but it won't make your decision any easier but only for a moment. Even having to think about difficult decisions are stressful enough but do we or are we making the right ones when we do decide something ? Only we as individuals have to make the decisions based solely on our own beliefs, trusts, and wishes, and for me to offer anything here than Love and Hope and peace for your family won't do any service to you your wife or your children. I do agree on one thing, Jaylo969 said. Allow hospice to speak with you about them speaking to the children about issues that may or may not arise. Hope is always there, and the answers we all want never seem to show up at the right time, but Hope remains ever vigil. Talk with your wife and decide what she wants and let her know that whatever her wishes are that you will be ok. She may need to know that no matter how bad it is to hear or even say. Then speak with her about the next move. This is the time to try to be strong for your wife, kids, and yourself. We are here for you at all times. I just don't know what to say but feel that if I am to stay in here to help then I need to help all and not just the ones that have easier questions to answer...May you find the answers you seek and may Love and Hope surround you and your family during these trying times.......Love to you all................Clift

sfmarie said:

Dan
You can click on my profile to read my story. I know how you feel, as my sister is battling stage IV cc as well (she just turned 40) with three little kids; 4, 6 and 8! She is fighting hard and yes, this is one aggressive cancer.
I wonder if with some clinical trials, the drugs could work and ease her pain? I know she wants to keep fighting to see her kids grow up. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for your family.
I do know you will find survivors here who did clinical trials that are still around and now that drug is the treatment of choice. So DO NOT GIVE UP!
Maybe get a second opinion?
Does your hospital have a cancer support group you could all join? My sister has taken her children to counseling, they need help dealing with this in a professional way too.
My prayers to you and your family.

Hey Dan
I also don't really know what to say...I just wanted you to know that you are not alone...We are here for you whatever decision you and your family makes...Being a caregiver is very very difficult and believe me we ALL appreciate everything you do for us..Best wishes to you and your family...Julie

I think
I think you should try the clinical trials,AND DON"T GIVE UP,miracles happen everyday,you never know what can happen if you don't try.I know it's a very hard thing to do,I lost a brother to cancer 2 months before I was dx.It's very hard for children,if you can find counciling for them it would help.I will pray that things get better.

Oh, Dan.
Dan,

I feel so sad about what you and your family are experiencing right now. If your wife is up to trying, I hope you'll be able to go with a clinical trial to see if that will help. If not, I pray you'll find the strength to help your wife have special times with you and the children.

We're here for you. I'm praying for your family.

*hugs*
Gail

willjulia said:

Caregiver Blues Response
Dear Friends,
Thank you all for your heartfelt responses to yesterday's message. As many of you said, we are in a difficult place right now, not wanting to give up but not wanting the suffering to dominate Sarah's life. Today she has an MRI to see how close the tumors are to her spinal cord. Thursday we meet with our oncology team to discuss her overall condition, pain management, and clinical trials. We have a second opinion appointment scheduled soon at Duke. The wheels are in motion to get counseling for our children. We have friends, family, church, and neighbors providing incredible support. My boss and my colleagues have been unbelievably caring and understanding. In other words, we are moving forward. Thanks again for your love and support.
Dan

Good to have a plan
Dan,
I sounds like you have a solid plan what a good thing. My caregiver is also Dan, he has been there every step of the way. I know he gets tired and needs time to deal and heal from all that cancer has put us through. I hope you come here when times are tough even just to say hi and find this place as a healing, caring place of hope.

I hope you get to try more therapy, either trials or other treatments, hopefully they will cure Sarah and also to help shrink the tumors so she can have pain relief.

Please take care and know we are there with you.
Jan

willjulia said:

Caregiver Blues Response
Dear Friends,
Thank you all for your heartfelt responses to yesterday's message. As many of you said, we are in a difficult place right now, not wanting to give up but not wanting the suffering to dominate Sarah's life. Today she has an MRI to see how close the tumors are to her spinal cord. Thursday we meet with our oncology team to discuss her overall condition, pain management, and clinical trials. We have a second opinion appointment scheduled soon at Duke. The wheels are in motion to get counseling for our children. We have friends, family, church, and neighbors providing incredible support. My boss and my colleagues have been unbelievably caring and understanding. In other words, we are moving forward. Thanks again for your love and support.
Dan

Good job Dan,
You + your
Good job Dan,

You + your wife have put a plan together + I wish you nothing but sucess!