Feb 20, 2010 - 10:19 pm
I was seven years old when my mom passed away from Breast Cancer and she was only 32. It was 1986 and I can remember the night it happened. I had laid down to go to bed and remembered that I wanted to tell my dad something. I went in their room and saw him leaning over her...I didn't know at the time what he might be doing but I know now that he was checking her pulse. He turned around and told me I needed to go back to bed. I was so made that I stormed off and went back to my room and laid on my bed with the pillow over my head. He ended up coming to my room awhile later and I thought he was laughing at me for being so silly but he was crying. He told me that she had passed away. I have an older brother so we went in to tell him and my dad decided to wait to tell my younger brother in the morning since he was a couple years younger than me. I don't think that it necessarily sunk in totally that night because I had a dream that night or a few days later that she was getting ready to come home but to my surprise when I woke up the nightmare was a reality. I am getting ready to turn 31 and I am still not over the loss of my mom and hardly think I will ever be. There are several things growing up that I had to face that would have been so much easier if I would have had my mom. My dad is my best friend though and I couldn't have gotten this far if it weren't such a great dad. I get so depressed sometimes hearing about others getting to spend time with their moms...I am happy for them but wished I would have had that opportunity myself. I have two kids and I look at them and wonder will they remember me if something like this were to happen to me...they are only 4 and 2...so young and honestly I don't remember my mom at that age at all so I really have a couple of years that I can remember about her. It isn't wasn't long enough. I met the man that I was going to marry in 2004 and badly wanted to let her meet him. I was married in 2005 and wanted her to be the one that was helping me pick out stuff for my wedding. I had my first child in 2005 also and needed her to be there for me. I can't help but be selfish about my situation because I am a girl that never got to grow up with a mom to show her things. I am glad that she is in Heaven and not suffering anymore because she had cancer for several years before she passed I just miss her and sometimes I feel like a child needing to be taken care of by her mommy. If you have had the same situation happen to you I would like to hear how you cope even after so many years. God Bless you all!