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Has cancer doomed me to be alone?

Colin090590
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi everyone. I have just joined not to long ago. I am a 19 year old guy from Wisconsin. I had Leukemia when i was 9 and i am dealing with alot the long term side effects now. I am in college and i have been feeling very alone and unwanted. I have never had a girl friend and i am beginning to think i am just going to be alone. I often feel that my cancer is the reason to blame.

mtbikernate
Posts: 31
Joined: Feb 2010

nah, you'll be alright. when I started college, I had only ever dated a girl for a month a few years prior. and I hadn't had cancer yet. I just hadn't found the right girl yet.

In fact, I went all through college without any major significant relationships. I went on a few dates, after which we'd both move on. I dated one girl for a few months, but we weren't right for each other. There's no shame in that.

I didn't find anyone until I was out of college and not even looking anymore. And I'm glad I found her, because she was at my bedside every day for a month straight when I did get cancer. We had our 4yr wedding anniversary while I was in the hospital (but recovering). We will have our 5yr anniversary this spring, and taking a belated vacation to Hawaii in July.

Right now is the time for you to find out who YOU are, get comfortable with it, and get to know people. You won't meet THE ONE right off.

But the most important thing is for you to be confident and comfortable in your own skin.

What things do you enjoy the most? What goals are you working towards?

Phoenix10's picture
Phoenix10
Posts: 47
Joined: Dec 2009

I was felt this way after cancer, it's side affects and three years if using crutches. I spent five years in college part-time and just accepted single hood.
A month after I left the crutches behind, against my very conservative doctor's orders, I met my husband/prince and was the first of four married in my family.

I never knew how important self esteem can show in a person. I certainly had given up and thought I'd end up alone. Enjoy life, live it to it's fullest and it will surprise you! Cheers!

Phoenix10's picture
Phoenix10
Posts: 47
Joined: Dec 2009

I was felt this way after cancer, it's side affects and three years if using crutches. I spent five years in college part-time and just accepted single hood.
A month after I left the crutches behind, against my very conservative doctor's orders, I met my husband/prince and was the first of four married in my family.

I never knew how important self esteem can show in a person. I certainly had given up and thought I'd end up alone. Enjoy life, live it to it's fullest and it will surprise you! Cheers!

Phoenix10's picture
Phoenix10
Posts: 47
Joined: Dec 2009

I was felt this way after cancer, it's side affects and three years if using crutches. I spent five years in college part-time and just accepted single hood.
A month after I left the crutches behind, against my very conservative doctor's orders, I met my husband/prince and was the first of four married in my family.

I never knew how important self esteem can show in a person. I certainly had given up and thought I'd end up alone. Enjoy life, live it to it's fullest and it will surprise you! Cheers!

Phoenix10's picture
Phoenix10
Posts: 47
Joined: Dec 2009

I was felt this way after cancer, it's side affects and three years if using crutches. I spent five years in college part-time and just accepted single hood.
A month after I left the crutches behind, against my very conservative doctor's orders, I met my husband/prince and was the first of four married in my family.

I never knew how important self esteem can show in a person. I certainly had given up and thought I'd end up alone. Enjoy life, live it to it's fullest and it will surprise you! Cheers!

bwlingatstarlite
Posts: 11
Joined: Mar 2010

Hi Colin. I am also a 19 year old cancer survivor and totally went through a time where I felt completley alone. You're only 19 and not everyone has dated by then lol. I know everything will be fine :).

KaiTenSatsuma
Posts: 5
Joined: Mar 2010

I agree with star, even if you try your hardest to be alone you're never really alone, your family and friends will always be there, and while not everyone can understand what you went through, not even people who "know someone who knew someone", there are people out there that will love you regardless, you just have to give them a chance, but most of all: give yourself a chance.

tmarti44
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2010

I am not sure if you read this discussion you started anymore, even though it is about 8 months after your post, but i am sure others will. I too just joined, today in fact because i came across your post, i am also 19 and just started college. I never had a boyfriend and never had very many friends. I am lucky and have 2 sisters the same age so i have 2 close family members that i can hang out with. The only thing that makes it awkward is that they have both dated and i never have. I have always kind of been the outcast in that sense. So i know what you mean when you say you feel alone and unwanted...I feel the same way. My sisters and friends are always chosen over me. And others have said that you are only 19 and you shouldn't worry about it. However, those comments don't change the way i feel, i am not sure about you. I too blame my cancer for my social awkwardness especially since it started when i was 7 and that affected my relationships with everyone in my very small town. I just wanted to let you know that i know exactly how you feel.

Ejane
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2010

Hi I am student at the University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center. I am 20 years old and in school for Radiation Therapy. I am doing a major project and I was wondering if anyone could help me. I have a few questions that I need to ask cancer survivors and their opinion on a few topics. I would truly appreciate it and if you are interested please contact me at eva.j.mohammed@gmail.com. It will not take long at all 5 minutes tops :D

rathgirl's picture
rathgirl
Posts: 147
Joined: Jun 2010

colin. i am a 19 year old from iowa. i am also in college studying photography. i was diagnosed with AML M3 in dec of '09. i am currently in remission. i have never had a bf so i know what ur talkin about. feel free to message me on here or email me at krath@dmacc.edu (please tell me that u are from CSN in the email) if u wanna talk or something. i check both every day atleast once.
krysten AKA. rathgirl

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