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Thanks Lori, I'm ready now

mumphy's picture
mumphy
Posts: 486
Joined: Jun 2009

Hello everyone,

I have recently learned as you know that Al may not be with me in this world for very long.
The radiaton oncologist told me the other day that he may only be with me for a few months or maybe even less.

We do have a pet scan and another mri scheduled for next week to see exactly what we are up against, but it seems that the radiation to his spine will not help. We will have to consider the quality of Al life vs quantity when we meet with Dr. Luketich and Dr. Gibson in 2 weeks.

Since Al has had such a difficult time with the chemotherapy in the past we are reluctant to
start it again. I could be that the effects of the chemo would be his undoing and not the cancer.

I want you to all know that I am not giving up! I still have Hope in my heart and am praying that this all just one big confusing mess, and just maybe the Dr.s will be able to come up with something that I am not aware of at this time.

I am as you could understand not in the best state of mind, and still trying to process this all.

I thank you my CSN family for your thoughts, well wishes and prayers. I will be posting on a regular basis if I can to keep you all updated, if not I will have someone post for me.

Thank You All for always being here for me!!

God Bless you All,
Kath

MOE58's picture
MOE58
Posts: 649
Joined: May 2009

Kathy,

We just never know when this ugly disease we call EC CANCER, is going to attack our bodies, just when we think we have it under control, that little beast pops in again, I know you won't give up, and hopefully AL won't either, You have come so far, and the doctors he had was the best in your area, so we were told. I know for a fact that GOD doesn't put more on your plate than you can handle (even though at times we think he does) I can not even imagine what you are going through,I know your heart is aching right now, cause your ONE AND ONLY LOVE, is suffering so much, he is scared just like you and wondering what tomorrow will bring, You know you don't want him to just lay there and suffer and if you know the chemo won't help there isn't no reason to put him through that since he had so much trouble before. OUR LOVE goes out to you on this site, and I wish I and all the others lived closer so that we could help you get through these BUMPS, in your next days, weeks or months ahead. We never know why GOD gives us the problems he does, but knowing my GOD, he will take your hand and ask you to follow his steps, and assure you that he will take care of AL. Please pack away your BGP for now, I don't think they will help in this time of decisions, or taking care of AL.

Kathy, we all have become so close on this site, we have laughed, vented, cried, helped others, but we are never ready to give up our loved ones. When GOD is ready for him he will take his hand and lead him to GLORY where not only KITTEN is, but where our other EC patients have gone. We have seen so many go in the last six months that it hurts me to see you having to go through this.

I want you to know I am here, and you know my number if you just need to talk. Keep your chin up and trust the doctors, and GOD and you will know how to handle this.

We all still need to be there for each other.

I love you Kathy

Lori aka MOE

K_ann1015's picture
K_ann1015
Posts: 555
Joined: Aug 2009

Kath,
I am staring at this screen---not sure how to start this post...wanting to take your pain fear and uncertainty away! You both have been through so much--and been such an inspiration to so many along the way... don't ever forget that!

-thanks to Lori--bc you have had prayers all along before you could post--we knew "someone" needed prayers-even unnamed--I know God directed those prayers to who needed them--you & Al!

How is Al doing with all of this?--It must be hard for him to see the pain on your face as well. Like Lori--I wish I lived so much closer and could be with you to help in anyway. You guys are going to get through this together--you're a team and a blessing to each other! That's what makes it so hard. I always pray (& forgive me if I am repeating myself) that if I can take on & take away any pain and suffering for a friend or love one ---to lessen their burden--let me take a part of that pain on. All of your CSN family are suffering right along with you and maybe it can lessen your worry somehow? Crazy prayer, childlike---but since we're told to "come to our Lord like children" I am keeping it up!

I agree with the chemo--quality of life thing--chem can be so unimaginably miserable. I guess you'll just have to play it by ear and not second guess yourself. I am so glad you are in such capable medical hands---that will help your decision making.

There is so much love for you two--just know that we all are here for you for the good AND scary... Just like the single lost lamb, Al will be cared for & comforted through the Lord above and your friends, loved ones, Drs and your CSN family.

Keep in touch however you feel comfortable---we're here
Kim

MOE58's picture
MOE58
Posts: 649
Joined: May 2009

Nicely said with great words.

lori aka moe

Donna70's picture
Donna70
Posts: 920
Joined: Aug 2009

Hi Kath,
Just so sad to hear your news, thought it was yourself that Lori meant. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers and hope the drs can come up with something they have not mentioned to you yet and agree with you about the quality vs. quantity, you want to have some good moments and not ones of chemo side effects. I know you and Al will make the right choices. you have been so kind with your words of encouragement and knowledge, it means so much to me and all of the people who come here to talk to people who are really in the know. My prayers will be with you and Al, but so sad this is what you have been facing. take care,
Donna70

jethro-t's picture
jethro-t
Posts: 23
Joined: Dec 2009

prayers going up right away for you and your loved one.
I feel we have so much in common from what I have read of your posts in recent days. I know we really don't KNOW each other, but yet I feel we do because we feel each other's pain. I will lift you both up in these uncertain days of tests and decisions. May God lift you in His arms and carry you through these next days and guide every decision you and the doctors have to make.

Praying always,
Rhonda and Hal (jethro-t)

Betty in Vegas's picture
Betty in Vegas
Posts: 311
Joined: Jul 2009

I wish there was something I could do to erase this terrible thing from the face of the earth. The heartache that it costs, the tears that should never have to be shed, the way it rips at our souls--it's so cruel. But unfortunately, I am not a miracle worker nor am I a doctor. But I can tell you that my heart goes out to you, and my prayers are with you every single day. I lift you up, and I pray that you will be strengthened, that the Lord will provide the best--the newest--the latest treatments and that HE the creator of miracles, might provide miracles to you.

I am so so sorry...but I am glad that I have met you. I am richer for the sweetness you provide to my life--and I know your sweet husband feels the same way. He probably feels like the richest man on earth! Please let me know if there is anything I can actually do besides pray.

Hugs,
Betty

unclaw2002's picture
unclaw2002
Posts: 664
Joined: Jan 2010

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you won't give up hope and will cherish every day you have with Al --- your posts have been an inspiration.

Cindy

unclaw2002's picture
unclaw2002
Posts: 664
Joined: Jan 2010

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you won't give up hope and will cherish every day you have with Al --- your posts have been an inspiration.

Cindy

38sallyb's picture
38sallyb
Posts: 100
Joined: Dec 2009

Kath
So sorry to read your news and you have our prayers for God's unlimited love and healing for both of you. Even though this seems like such a small thing, it's the Best we can do right now. Your posts have been a help to so many of us who are struggling with the "beast".
We will continue in prayer.
Sally

Pghmomma
Posts: 161
Joined: Nov 2009

I am very sorry you two are dealing with this. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. You have helped me so much these last couple months, I cant thank you enough. Im praying very hard for Al right now.

God Bless
Tina

Duane61
Posts: 35
Joined: Jan 2010

We will keep you both in our daily prayers.

Duane

JaneE2366's picture
JaneE2366
Posts: 332
Joined: Jul 2009

Kath,
Continuing to keep you both in our prayers. Try to stay strong,
Jane

chrisk06's picture
chrisk06
Posts: 114
Joined: Nov 2009

Kath,

I am not on nhere much, so I just read this post. I am sooooo sorry. I know that there is nothing I can say to take away your pain. You and Al will make the choices that are best for you. Steve and I had that conversation the might before he died. I told him that it was HIS cancer and noone elses. That if he wanted to fight we would fight, if not I could accept that to. He needed to decide, and he did. Trust you me I miss my husband, but I do know that he is in a place without pain and meds. I know that that nasty disease is gone from him and that he is there waiting for me, healthy and happy. I will e mail you my phone number and if you ever want to talk..call me!

{{{{{ BIG HUGE HUGS}}}}}

Chris

emg09
Posts: 252
Joined: Mar 2009

Hi Kath,

Always know that I'm thinking of you and Al daily. I pray there is some other thing the Drs. can try, but I completely understand how your feeling and the decision you and Al are trying to make. Try to stay strong and don't give up hope.

HUGS and PRAYERS!!!
Erika

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Kathy and Al,
Sorry to hear your latest news, but I am close to being in this same boat with my dad. Some of us do have to realize that we must come to this point. We have done all that we can do, the drs have done all that they can do. It is ultimitely their decision which way to go next. As caregivers, we must accept their decision. My dad will be starting the xeloda oral chemo for the cancer to his liver next week. Like my dad has said, this is not a cure, it is something that "may" prolong my life for awhile, but I can not be here forever. I accept and understand that. I am sure that you and Al have had this discussion already. I am praying for you both to have the strength and courage to get through this difficult time. Keep us posted.
Tina

Trish_from_Pittsburgh's picture
Trish_from_Pitt...
Posts: 58
Joined: Nov 2009

Kath & Al,

I know I haven't posted much since my husband, Roy, passed away from EC cancer on December 5, 2009. I don't know if I still belong on this site since he passed away, but I do read ALL of your posts daily. I check this site every morning before I go to work, every day when I get home from work, and again before I go to bed. I feel like you are all my family and I want to know how everyone is doing.

Everyone here has been such a godsend to me when I was going through my rough times. I'm sorry I didn't find out about this site until right before his surgery on November 23, 2009. But during those 2 weeks he was in the hospital before his death, I made so many friends here! And Kath you certainly are one of my best friends here! It saddens me to hear that you will be going through what I am going through now.

I'm not far from you, is there ANYTHING I can help you with? Anything at all.... Any concerns or questions I might be able to help with?......

If you want to talk, I'll e-mail you my phone number. Call me anytime. I'd love to talk to you.

I am praying so hard for you and Al. I know it's rough right now. Please let me help any way I can.

Hugs and prayers from your friend,
Trish

MOE58's picture
MOE58
Posts: 649
Joined: May 2009

Trish,

I am so glad you responed WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW IF YOU SHOULD BE ON HERE~!!! it doesn't matter if your loved one has passed or with you, you are one of us here on CSN family, without us you wouldn't have got to wear your BIG GIRL PANTIES, I cant imagine how hard things have been for you since you lost ROY, but at least you are keeping yourself busy and still checking on us. I have missed you so much and been wondering about you.

I live so far away and wish I could be there for Kath, so I am asking you if you would help us out here on CSN and take care of her, we are all family here, and if i could I would be there for her. I know she is having a very difficult time right now, and is asking WHY US!!! and I am sure you can help her, even though you lost ROY and not sure why? but you know what to expect after cancer.

Kathy and I came on board about the same time and my Jeff is doing so great and her AL isn't so i try to help her along.

Trish, we are all still here and we would love to still have you on board, I don't know if you remember KITTEN but we lost her on November 30, and Wildgoose somewhere before that, we have lost another one but can recall the name.

Okay please take care of her for me please and please keep us posted if she isn't able and just do a letter like i did.

thanks trish
love and hugs
lori

oh WELCOME BACK YOU LITTLE TURKEY

Trish_from_Pittsburgh's picture
Trish_from_Pitt...
Posts: 58
Joined: Nov 2009

Lori (another one of my best friends),

Thank you so much for your kind words. I certainly have missed everyone here. Like I said, I've stepped into the background but I still know what's going on with everyone. You're right, I would never have made it through it all without my BIG GIRL PANTIES. Thank you, Lori for all your help along the way.

I sure hope I'm able to help Kath in some way. I'm willing to help her with anything at all! I'll be here for her every step of the way! I can walk her through it all......

I'd love to keep in touch. I just found out today that I'm going to be a grandma again! Our youngest daughter is expecting her second baby. It's bittersweet that Roy will never get to hold his new grandbaby, but I think he is smiling down on us and happy as a lark! They say "and when I die and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born in the world to carry on, to carry on....." I firmly believe that, so, Roy, this is the child to carry on for you. (And Al will have a child born to carry on for him, too!)

Well, Lori, I'd love to take care of Kath for you! Hopefully, she'll reply and I'll be there to help her.

Love and hugs to you too
Trish

P.S. I'm glad I'm back :)

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Trish!
Sure have missed you. Yes, please continue to post here with us. We need to hear from you! We need your advice and experiences to help us and others on this site. Congrats Grandma! That is great news. See...when God took Roy, he gave you a new grandchild! You can read my blog on here to get my updates on my dad. We are still fighting, but it is getting much harder for dad to keep doing so. Thanks for posting and coming back! See you again soon.
Tina

MAE66
Posts: 70
Joined: Nov 2009

Kathy,
When I read your post last week I just cried. Know that I am with you in spirit and am praying for lots of “good days”. There is always hope, you never know what is around the corner. Stay strong and take care,

Susan

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