Jan 15, 2010 - 11:19 pm
There’s this boy. Don’t all good stories start that way?
There’s this boy that I’ve known for about a year now. The first time I saw him, my heart dropped to the floor and everything moved in slow motion. Needless to say, I’ve been falling for him more and more ever since. We we pleasant acquaintances for a while, and then friends, and then close friends. We would go on dates occasionally, but we were never officially together.
After that first week of chemo, I didn’t see or hear from him for two weeks. He was sleeping a lot and starting to feel very ill and depressed, and I was desperate to be there with him but he wouldn’t return my calls. It’s been like that for the past few months. Seeing him everyday and then not hearing from him for a month. I want to tell him how I feel, but I don’t want to any pressure on him right now.
A week ago his tests came back clear, so he’s in remission again. I’m relieved beyond words, but aside from the four minute “I’m healthy now!” phone call we haven’t spoken.
I call or text or e-mail him almost everyday. But in the past month he’s only responded 3 or 4 times. I know that it is not at all about me right now, that he has to focus on himself and his recovery, but I’m going completely crazy. Should I keep calling him? Do I back off until he contacts me? There might not be a right answer to this. I’m sure that he’s going through some sort of life-changing epiphany right now, and I want to give him time and space to do that. But I love him. I’m starting to fear that I was just a shoulder to cry on, the girl who happened to be there when he needed support. I’m not blaming him and I’m certainly not mad or upset with him, I’m just worried about him. And in love, which is always a little bit agonizing.
I don’t know if I explained that well...