Jan 03, 2010 - 10:09 pm
My brother is in the final stages of prostate cancer. He has lived with my sister for a number of years. He has problems hearing and short term memory loss from a brain tumor 25 years ago. My mother is a nurse of 50 years and can at times be very controlling when it comes to health care for family members. My father died of heart problems about 4 months ago and my mother was the primary caregiver for him. There were many times while she cared for my father that she had emotional/physical breakdowns. When she has these breakdowns she can be very mean and abusive to everyone around (nurses, doctors, and family).
After my father passed away her personality changed back into a caring and warm person. That changed again right after xmas. She began to try to control everything related to my brother's care. This escalated this weekend to the point where she says my brother is her only child. She even made a comment to my 21 year daughter that she only has one son. My brother wants to remain at my sister's house because he feels more secure and safe. We contacted Hospice and a nurse came by on Saturday to talk to my family. My mother almost would not come into the room because she said she was not involved in the decision. My mother did come in and we had what I thought was a good talk with the nurse. My brother felt very at ease with her. At some point my mother brought up the fact that she is a nurse of 50 years, yelled at my sister and stormed out of the room. I can not say what set her off.
My brother understands the situation because we went through it with my dad. I would like to get my mom some help but there is no way she would talk to a social worker and she has alienated most of the rest of her family and friends. She is in her upper 70s and has some of her own medical needs that she will not attend to because she says she does not have time. She is tired but will not let anyone help. She insists on spending the whole day and night(if she could) with my brother.