Dec 24, 2009 - 2:21 am
People are very kind, but sometimes they drive me nuts. I am constantly asked, "How do you feel?" I actually feel just fine, thank you very much. I get tired easily, but even that is a lot better since the last transfusion. And except for the day or two right after chemo, I hardly know I'm sick.
Then they say, "Well, you look wonderful!" Thank you...I think. I pretty much look the same as I did six months ago, so does that mean I look "wonderful" for a person who has Cancer? What exactly were they expecting?
I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 15 people, and am doing the same for Christmas. I did all my own Christmas shopping and a lot of my daughter's. But I have a disease for which there is no cure. A terminal illness. How can that be?
At each appointment, the nurse asks me if I have enough pain meds. Why would I need pain meds? Am I supposed to be in pain?
Never having Cancer before, I don't have a point of reference, but if "how are you feeling" has any relevance at all, I'm not nearly as sick as people assume. Or am I? Maybe I'm in denial.
Today (Christmas Eve) is my birthday. Tomorrow is Christmas. All I want for my birthday....and Christmas....is to be as sick as I feel. No more; no less.
Are these crazy thoughts? Do any of them ever cross your collective minds?