Need your prayers

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lovelylola
lovelylola Member Posts: 279
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Having cancer is sh***y enough because it takes so much from you - loss of breasts, health, hair. Those I can deal with (at least most of the time) but this latest is SO-O-O hard.
My dad has been battling bladder cancer since before my mom died in 2008. He's had his bladder removed and uses an ostomy bag. Those who are able to get to see him are noticing a major decline to the point he is now in a full-skilled nursing facility.
At his last doctor's visit, after much testing, it has been determined that the cancer has mestatized to both his bones and his lungs. He is 85 years old and they can only offer "pallative" care now as he is not strong enough to survive anything else.
It's almost impossible to talk with him over the phone as he can't seem to focus on anything for too long and there is so much I want to say to him. Mostly I want to let him know that it's OK for him to let go if he feels it's his time. He has a very strong faith and knows that God and my mom are waiting for him.
I've talked with my oncologist and there is no way I can get out there to say those things to him in person as they are worried about my WBC. I had hoped they would let me go New Year's as my sister will be there as well but that is just 1 week post chemo and I can't postpone it until after as that is too long a wait between chemos.
My brain tells me that my dad would not want me to jeopardize my health, but my heart is breaking. I have written him a letter that I hope he will be able to read or at least have read to him and understand.
I need your help and encouragement to get through this. I also have 1 brother (of us 6 siblings) that had a stroke last Feb and is still not up to traveling and he and I are the only ones who have not seen him since last spring.
Thanks for listening. Lola
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Comments

  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #2
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    This is time to take care of yourself.
    Hi Lola,
    Lola,
    I am so sad to hear about your father. I lost my father to cancer over 10 years ago and my mom followed him 2 years later. I was away when my mom died and I felt guilty about it for years. That said, you really need to focus on your own health right now. I have children who are grown now and I would want them to do all they could to stay well. I'm sure your dad would say that if he could. It sounds like his earthly journey is almost over but you have many more years ahead. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do when our loved ones are elderly and the cancer is widespread. We can only love them even if is from a distance.

    Do any of you and your sister have a laptop computers? If so, there is a camera attachment that allows you to see and speak with someone. My niece used it at Thanksgiving so we could all say hi to her fiance who was stuck in Savannah. Not sure what it is called but I can find out if you are interested. It was great to have a two way conversation. It was just like he was in the room with us.

    Hugs to you and your family.

    Roseann
  • lovelylola
    lovelylola Member Posts: 279
    #3
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    roseann4 said:

    This is time to take care of yourself.
    Hi Lola,
    Lola,
    I am so sad to hear about your father. I lost my father to cancer over 10 years ago and my mom followed him 2 years later. I was away when my mom died and I felt guilty about it for years. That said, you really need to focus on your own health right now. I have children who are grown now and I would want them to do all they could to stay well. I'm sure your dad would say that if he could. It sounds like his earthly journey is almost over but you have many more years ahead. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do when our loved ones are elderly and the cancer is widespread. We can only love them even if is from a distance.

    Do any of you and your sister have a laptop computers? If so, there is a camera attachment that allows you to see and speak with someone. My niece used it at Thanksgiving so we could all say hi to her fiance who was stuck in Savannah. Not sure what it is called but I can find out if you are interested. It was great to have a two way conversation. It was just like he was in the room with us.

    Hugs to you and your family.

    Roseann

    WebCam
    I am trying to see if my nephew can use his and visit with my dad. I just need to buy a camera and set it up at my end. Will be working on this next week. Thanks for your hugs, needed them today. I'm at Denny's right now as I still don't have internet at home. Will checkin again tomorrow morning when I get to work. Lola
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #4
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    lovelylola said:

    WebCam
    I am trying to see if my nephew can use his and visit with my dad. I just need to buy a camera and set it up at my end. Will be working on this next week. Thanks for your hugs, needed them today. I'm at Denny's right now as I still don't have internet at home. Will checkin again tomorrow morning when I get to work. Lola

    Dear Lola, so sorry about
    Dear Lola, so sorry about your dad. I know how it feels. My dad spent his last 2 years in a nursing home, blind, deaf and had very little quality of life left. (My mother had already passed away too.) We went to see him once a month. He got pneumonia and was put in a hospital and died there before we could get back to see him. My sister saw him the day before but my brother didn't get there either. We did write letters to each other and he always said "don't try to come, I know how sick you are." He knew we loved him and we knew he loved us. And I think that's how it is with you and your dad. He understands. There is a Skype device that can be placed on a laptop (fee) if the other party has a computer. This may be out of the question for you. Hope you find some way to communicate with your dad but if you don't just know that he loves you and you love him.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #5
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    Sunrae said:

    Dear Lola, so sorry about
    Dear Lola, so sorry about your dad. I know how it feels. My dad spent his last 2 years in a nursing home, blind, deaf and had very little quality of life left. (My mother had already passed away too.) We went to see him once a month. He got pneumonia and was put in a hospital and died there before we could get back to see him. My sister saw him the day before but my brother didn't get there either. We did write letters to each other and he always said "don't try to come, I know how sick you are." He knew we loved him and we knew he loved us. And I think that's how it is with you and your dad. He understands. There is a Skype device that can be placed on a laptop (fee) if the other party has a computer. This may be out of the question for you. Hope you find some way to communicate with your dad but if you don't just know that he loves you and you love him.

    Lola
    So sorry to hear this
    Lola
    So sorry to hear this news. You know in your heart that your dad would not want you to put your health at risk. Send the letter and know that in his heart your father already knows everything you want to tell him. And hopefully the computer hook up will work. It is so hard to see our parents health decline. My heart goes out to you, but you must consider what trying to get out there would do to you. My prayers are with you and I hope that you will realize that even when distance separates us, we are always in our parents hearts, always.
    Stef
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #6
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    lovelylola said:

    WebCam
    I am trying to see if my nephew can use his and visit with my dad. I just need to buy a camera and set it up at my end. Will be working on this next week. Thanks for your hugs, needed them today. I'm at Denny's right now as I still don't have internet at home. Will checkin again tomorrow morning when I get to work. Lola

    Lola
    I am so sorry about your Dad. This is a lot on you with what you are already going thru. The letter will mean a lot to your Dad. And, I think the webcam is a really great idea. I hope it works out.

    KYLEZ ♥
  • Alexis F
    Alexis F Member Posts: 3,598
    #7
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    fauxma said:

    Lola
    So sorry to hear this
    Lola
    So sorry to hear this news. You know in your heart that your dad would not want you to put your health at risk. Send the letter and know that in his heart your father already knows everything you want to tell him. And hopefully the computer hook up will work. It is so hard to see our parents health decline. My heart goes out to you, but you must consider what trying to get out there would do to you. My prayers are with you and I hope that you will realize that even when distance separates us, we are always in our parents hearts, always.
    Stef

    I am so sorry too Lola. I
    I am so sorry too Lola. I am sending you prayers and hugs!

    Lex♥
  • shortscake
    shortscake Member Posts: 228
    #8
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    so sorry
    I am so sorry to hear about your dad, when you do talk with him even if he don't say anything back let him know you love him just tell. i have both of my parents when the doctor told me i had bc my dad was the first person that i called, to this day i don't know why we have never gotten along and when i called him with the news he just started praying and crying to the point i had to ask him if he was ok..lol...i guess you can say one thing good about my bc that it has brought us very close he calls me everyday and at lest once a week he brings me lunch and we look at soaps(make fun of them) i am praying for you and your dad.
  • lovelylola
    lovelylola Member Posts: 279
    #9
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    Thanks for all your prayers
    and encouragement. The email with the letter is going out today to my youngest brother, my "sister" (my bio sister's childhood friend) and my nephew. They all 3 live in the same city as my dad (Portland, OR) They have indicated they will work out a time to read it to him and then leave it with him. I'm feeling much better hearing from all of you that taking care of my health is most important. You are all my guardian angels in this. Keep us in your prayers. Lola
  • Gloria09
    Gloria09 Member Posts: 190
    #10
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    Lola
    You are in my thoughts and prayers {{{hugs}}}
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #11
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    Lola, I can only imagine how
    Lola, I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. We never want to lose our parents no matter how old we and they get. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom and your Dad's cancer. I can understand how terribly much you want him to know how you feel about him. I felt the same way with my Dad but he had dementia and I eventually told him as he was taking his last breaths. I don't think he was aware we were even in the room.

    If your Dad is anything like mine was, he would never want you to jeapardize your health in any way. I think the letter is a great way to express your feelings to him. I would call the nursing home and ask them to be sure to read the letter to your Dad.

    I also think that our parents know in thier hearts that we love them. Your Dad knows. God bless. You will be in my thoughts.
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #12
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    Eil4186 said:

    Lola, I can only imagine how
    Lola, I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. We never want to lose our parents no matter how old we and they get. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom and your Dad's cancer. I can understand how terribly much you want him to know how you feel about him. I felt the same way with my Dad but he had dementia and I eventually told him as he was taking his last breaths. I don't think he was aware we were even in the room.

    If your Dad is anything like mine was, he would never want you to jeapardize your health in any way. I think the letter is a great way to express your feelings to him. I would call the nursing home and ask them to be sure to read the letter to your Dad.

    I also think that our parents know in thier hearts that we love them. Your Dad knows. God bless. You will be in my thoughts.

    So sorry
    Lola, I am so sorry. I am sending you hugs and my prayers!

    Debby
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #13
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    Gloria09 said:

    Lola
    You are in my thoughts and prayers {{{hugs}}}

    Lola
    Lola, I am sending you lots of prayers and hugs too!
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #14
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    lovelylola said:

    Thanks for all your prayers
    and encouragement. The email with the letter is going out today to my youngest brother, my "sister" (my bio sister's childhood friend) and my nephew. They all 3 live in the same city as my dad (Portland, OR) They have indicated they will work out a time to read it to him and then leave it with him. I'm feeling much better hearing from all of you that taking care of my health is most important. You are all my guardian angels in this. Keep us in your prayers. Lola

    Hi Lola!
    I am sorry about your Father. I am glad that you got your letter out to him. Your health is most important Lola. You shouldn't do anything to jeopardize it. I will certainly keep you and your Father in my prayers.

    Sue :)
  • marilyndbk
    marilyndbk Member Posts: 238 Member
    #15
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    Sending my thoughts and
    Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family. It is a very hard time expecially with the holidays . My parents have both passed. Except for my sister that lives in Mi. as I do the rest of our family live in another state. I have had to make a few emergency trips for loved ones and it is hard not to be there as much as I want. You have received good advice and I also think this is your time to take care of yourself. The letter and the webcam sound like a great idea. Marilyn
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #16
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    marilyndbk said:

    Sending my thoughts and
    Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family. It is a very hard time expecially with the holidays . My parents have both passed. Except for my sister that lives in Mi. as I do the rest of our family live in another state. I have had to make a few emergency trips for loved ones and it is hard not to be there as much as I want. You have received good advice and I also think this is your time to take care of yourself. The letter and the webcam sound like a great idea. Marilyn

    My thoughts and prayers are
    My thoughts and prayers are with you .Skype would be a good way to connect. Your dad would not want you to jeopardize your health with all the flus going on. You could even make him a CD with music and your voice that he could hear more oftern, reminding him how much you love him and are with him. I am sorry you are dealing with this and your breast cancer. We are here for you
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #17
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    carkris said:

    My thoughts and prayers are
    My thoughts and prayers are with you .Skype would be a good way to connect. Your dad would not want you to jeopardize your health with all the flus going on. You could even make him a CD with music and your voice that he could hear more oftern, reminding him how much you love him and are with him. I am sorry you are dealing with this and your breast cancer. We are here for you

    Skype is good to use Lola.
    Skype is good to use Lola. That way you could see each other. This is just so much for you to deal with. Let us know how you and your Father are doing.
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    #18
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    survivorbc09 said:

    Skype is good to use Lola.
    Skype is good to use Lola. That way you could see each other. This is just so much for you to deal with. Let us know how you and your Father are doing.

    you and your family are in
    you and your family are in my prayers, hopefully you will be able to work the web cam thing out
    tj
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #19
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    tjhay said:

    you and your family are in
    you and your family are in my prayers, hopefully you will be able to work the web cam thing out
    tj

    Let us know Lola when you
    Let us know Lola when you can if your Dad got your letter and if you could use a web cam to talk to him. My heart is so sad because of this.

    Debby
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #20
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    tjhay said:

    you and your family are in
    you and your family are in my prayers, hopefully you will be able to work the web cam thing out
    tj

    I am so sorry you are going
    I am so sorry you are going through this... it must be so difficult for you... my heart really goes out to you..I really hope your nephew will be able to get the web cam set up for you and that it will work, that sounds like a wonderful idea... Wishing you the best.

    Hugs,

    ~T
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #21
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    taleena said:

    I am so sorry you are going
    I am so sorry you are going through this... it must be so difficult for you... my heart really goes out to you..I really hope your nephew will be able to get the web cam set up for you and that it will work, that sounds like a wonderful idea... Wishing you the best.

    Hugs,

    ~T

    Lola, I am so sorry. I pray
    Lola, I am so sorry. I pray that your Dad gets your letter and that you get a webcam set up. Praying for you and your family!

    Angie

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