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Mom with Stage III Pancreatic Cancer giving up on life

toribear28
Posts: 5
Joined: Oct 2009

my mother was diagnosed w/ Stage III Pancreatic Cancer last christmas. Although she has lost a lot of weight, she is still fully-functional. But she does not want to get up off the couch. I can barely get her to eat. I know pain has something to do with it, but I asked her this morning, if she was giving up on life on me, and she said YES because she is tired of being sick and just siting in the house. but then when I try to get her out to go do something, even for a little ride, she does not want to. I am at a serious loss of what I should do for her. I think my whole problem is that I have not come to the realization that ultimately there is not much I can do for her. But she still has life left in her, and I want to take any steps that I can to ensure she lives it out to the fullest. Any suggestions to help this depressive state? She is already on anti-depressants and I have already taken the steps with psychologists speaking with her. But it has been to no avail.

Nouchka
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2009

Hallo,

I had a laparoscopic pancreatectomy last Sep 2008. It was diagnosed stage 3 Pancreatic Cancer. After the surgery, I had chemotherapy only (no radiation treatment) because the tumor was completely removed, it was still well encapsulated. But after the chemotherapy for six months, I was exactly feeling like your mother. It was very hard to get up from my bed. I feel like I am not human or feeling less human. I have no physical strength to get up because I found no reason to stay alive or maybe I feel like I can not be happy to be alive. It felt like I was on a death row waiting for pardon. And when, I got my pardon, what is next? What I am going to do with my life now? It is actually a mixture of emotional feelings: pain, anger and fear. From the pain I have experienced before and after surgery and treatment, I could say to myself, it is enough. I do not want to go on anymore. For what? I just want the pain to stop. From all the pain i felt, there was anger building inside me. I don't blame myself for feeling so even up to now. All I could ask is, why me? Or even why does anybody has to undergo this kind of suffering? And now, I am dealing with fear still. Fear of having to go through the same thing over again. Heavens forbid, please.
Back to feeling lifeless, how I pulled myself back up again? It took me three months to reach out for help. I know, it sounds hard but your mother has to want to reach out for your help before you could help her. The best thing you could do is show your love to your mother as much as you could. Try to re-kindle her passion in life. Try give her inspiration to live. And surround her with familiar things that makes her feel more of herself. For me, I need to be close to sea. I grew up in coastline town, so a walk by the sea was helping me.
I hope my story helps a little. Talking about my disease is not easy but I know now that reaching out to help others is helping myself too.
Best wishes to your mother and to your family.

dmaciak7
Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2009

I am sorry your mother is going through this. I lost my mother last week after a 2-yr battle with pancreatic cancer. After the whipple (she was stage 2), she went through the grueling chemos/radiation (5FU almost killed her) but actually managed to be considered cancer free for about 7 months before it returned in her liver. She suffered so much in the last couple of months, it was just terrible. But while she felt ok, she got out almost every day even just to go to the store or take a short walk. Her attitude was fabulous.

I think hospice might be able to help your mom, not only with pain and fatigue management, but also depression, etc. If she's not afraid of the word hospice, it might help you both a lot.

Good luck! I miss my mom a ton already.

snv123
Posts: 10
Joined: Dec 2009

This is really very sad that your mother go through this dangerous cancer.
I understand what is the condition of your mother and you also.
I can only say,don't panic just take care of your mother.Good Luck!!!

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