down today:(

MelanieT
MelanieT Member Posts: 186
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I know that everyone is diff and staying positive is a must, but chris had round 6 started today and there was a women who sat next to him with colon cancer also. She asked us our story so we told her the just of it. She said oh honey dont get your hopes up. I had stage 2 colon cancer with no lymph involment and i did 6 months of chemo was clean for 6 months and now i have tumors everwhere and am terminal... I just sat there and watched chris face turn white. I had to leave the room so he could not see how upset it made me. On the way home he looked at me and said "baby im screwed"... Its hard not to listen to things like this and not get discouraged:( the dr wants to do CEA level check, chest xray and liver something on friday... is it always a little scary to get test results?? thanks for letting me boo hoo everyone...

Mel
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Comments

  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    No Worries
    Don’t take her word that Chris is going to drop at any time soon. Everybody responds to chemo in there own way and there are many different kinds of cancers. Her cancer may be a fast growing rare form of cancer. Who knows? Everyone is different... Don’t let people and what they say get to you. When you get cancer then all of a sudden everybody a expert and they don’t know s**t. You stick to your goal of being cancer free. NED!!

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    Why allow a stranger to dash your hopes, influence your attitud?
    Whatever that lady's story is/was it is not your husband's!!!!We all react/respond differently to our treatments as our cancers are somewhat unique in that we are unique (tho of course there are many more similarities)You know me as well as you know that "woman who sat next to him with colon cancer also...."I have stage 3 and been thru chemo/rad/surgery and now undergoing chemo again and I say I'm gonna beat this and your husband can too!!!!There is no reason not to ever have hope. Scientists,doctors,professors, others are constantly working on different approaches to defeat cancer from potential vaccines, to nanotechnology-stuff(super microscopic materials that can enter cells once they differentiate cancerous from noncancerous cells) ,to various methods to induce tumor cell death, etc.You can get down now and then which is only natural, whether you're the patient or caregiver but overall you have to be stronger than your enemy which will show no mercy.Being positive in thought,attitude and deed will help alot but you must NEVER give up hope. No one can predict how much time we have left.......Steve
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186

    No Worries
    Don’t take her word that Chris is going to drop at any time soon. Everybody responds to chemo in there own way and there are many different kinds of cancers. Her cancer may be a fast growing rare form of cancer. Who knows? Everyone is different... Don’t let people and what they say get to you. When you get cancer then all of a sudden everybody a expert and they don’t know s**t. You stick to your goal of being cancer free. NED!!

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks

    thank you so much Brooks...
    thank you so much Brooks... this is the first time something someone said has made me feel this bad.... i hate it:(
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    coloCan said:

    Why allow a stranger to dash your hopes, influence your attitud?
    Whatever that lady's story is/was it is not your husband's!!!!We all react/respond differently to our treatments as our cancers are somewhat unique in that we are unique (tho of course there are many more similarities)You know me as well as you know that "woman who sat next to him with colon cancer also...."I have stage 3 and been thru chemo/rad/surgery and now undergoing chemo again and I say I'm gonna beat this and your husband can too!!!!There is no reason not to ever have hope. Scientists,doctors,professors, others are constantly working on different approaches to defeat cancer from potential vaccines, to nanotechnology-stuff(super microscopic materials that can enter cells once they differentiate cancerous from noncancerous cells) ,to various methods to induce tumor cell death, etc.You can get down now and then which is only natural, whether you're the patient or caregiver but overall you have to be stronger than your enemy which will show no mercy.Being positive in thought,attitude and deed will help alot but you must NEVER give up hope. No one can predict how much time we have left.......Steve

    thanks Steve...I know
    thanks Steve...I know staying positive is the most important thing and i honestly dont know why i let this affect me so much...im glad i have you all..thank you...mel
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member

    No Worries
    Don’t take her word that Chris is going to drop at any time soon. Everybody responds to chemo in there own way and there are many different kinds of cancers. Her cancer may be a fast growing rare form of cancer. Who knows? Everyone is different... Don’t let people and what they say get to you. When you get cancer then all of a sudden everybody a expert and they don’t know s**t. You stick to your goal of being cancer free. NED!!

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks

    oh mel don`t despair
    mel don`t despair. Everyone is a cancer expert....especially Uncle harry`s third cousin who knew someone .....blah blah blah

    I have had people say to me .....`colon cancer, oh my ...my Aunt M...she suffered sooooo badly`...she died....blah blah

    hang on, take one step at a time, no one is a goner till they are gone

    if everyone was a goner there would be way fewer people on this forum. Some of us have been hanging around for years. :):)

    best hugs,
    mags
  • P_I_T_A
    P_I_T_A Member Posts: 133
    Don't listen to that crap!
    Some stage2s are even worse than stage3 and everyone responds differently to treatments. It's s**t like this that pisses me off. If someone doesn't have anything positive to say, they should just KEEP THEIR YAP SHUT! You and Chris just need to stay positive and take one day at a time. No other choice really. Faith, Family, and Friends that's what you lean on.

    -DJ
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    maglets said:

    oh mel don`t despair
    mel don`t despair. Everyone is a cancer expert....especially Uncle harry`s third cousin who knew someone .....blah blah blah

    I have had people say to me .....`colon cancer, oh my ...my Aunt M...she suffered sooooo badly`...she died....blah blah

    hang on, take one step at a time, no one is a goner till they are gone

    if everyone was a goner there would be way fewer people on this forum. Some of us have been hanging around for years. :):)

    best hugs,
    mags

    Mags i needed that...
    Mags i needed that... Everyone on here is a fighter, including my husband... I dont know why i let her get to me so much today... thank you
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    P_I_T_A said:

    Don't listen to that crap!
    Some stage2s are even worse than stage3 and everyone responds differently to treatments. It's s**t like this that pisses me off. If someone doesn't have anything positive to say, they should just KEEP THEIR YAP SHUT! You and Chris just need to stay positive and take one day at a time. No other choice really. Faith, Family, and Friends that's what you lean on.

    -DJ

    We are by no means giving up
    We are by no means giving up i just am so upset by what and how she said everything... You all and even us caregivers are fighting the same fight so why be negative.... I wish i was not so affected by it... it has really bothered me all day.. thank you for your anger too it helps to see it would bother others too..mel
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    MelanieT said:

    We are by no means giving up
    We are by no means giving up i just am so upset by what and how she said everything... You all and even us caregivers are fighting the same fight so why be negative.... I wish i was not so affected by it... it has really bothered me all day.. thank you for your anger too it helps to see it would bother others too..mel

    Put your husband on the line here.......
    First of all is hubbys name Chris ? OK, tell him that the next time anyone says anything negative about his diagnosis or prognosis tell him to just say...You and I have a different idea of where cancer will take me, cancer is going to take me to new heights in my life where the sun always shines and where I can appreciate every little detail where before I was only passing it all by. Cancer has slowed me down to where even you maam can't defray what I have learned during this journey, and I have to much to share to allow cancer to take over my life, much less take my life. So actually my life has just begun again, and with a closer eye to detail that only a near death experience could possibly bring to anyone. Melanie and Chris, I wouldn't say this if I really didn't think it true. At the end of a year from the moment of diagnosis to the final chemo treatment, you both will go through an enormous amount of strain, but at the end of that year cancer will be behind you and you new normal will start. It will happen, never lose faith, it will happen, just wait and see what I say...Your Buddy, Buzz
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    I'm sorry
    Melanie and Chris - I am so sorry this insensitive person spoke to you like that. What a moron. I remember someone saying to me "so when is Goorge going to die, my co-worker had beast cancer and she didn't last long" and someone else said "at least he has the good cancer". Geez, he doesn't have breast cancer and no one know how long someone will live on this earth and hello, "good cancer" didn't know that existed. As it turns out, George is having a good response to chemo and we hope it continues. He is Stage IV. Stay strong and let these comments roll off your back. Waiting for test results is tough and it does not get easier so remember, one baby step at a time. Take care - Tina
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    Hi Melanie,
    I am really

    Hi Melanie,

    I am really sorry this lady put you & your husband through this. Everyone's story is different & it isn't fair that someone (a stranger) rains on your parade; it sounds like you have every reason to expect a happy ending (& middle) to your story. Don't be too hard on yourself for letting this get to you; I think we all have our moments. Mine was a few treatments ago. I was sitting next to a woman who asked about my port & if it hurt(I was waiting for my blood results & she could see my port because it was accessed). I told her mine didn't bother me & how easy it was for accessing. She was there for her 1st chemo treatment for bladder cancer & wanted to know how it was. I told her that my chemo was probably quite different than what she would be getting, but that I had found it manageable. I really tried to encourage her & her face brightened as I talked to her. Suddenly her husband chimed in & said she had 3 months to live & he had been out planning her funeral! Her face was not as bright as he spoke. He said "she can't do anything anymore, she can't clean, cook, etc."! What a charmer! Then he proceeded to say that he was going to demand a wheelchair, cleaning person etc. from the CCAC (Community Care Access Canda). This is the government run organization that sends nurses to yor house to disconnect chemo as well as other services when deemed needed. I was struck by the feeling that all he cared about was himself & the services his wife was no longer able to provide. He also proceeded to come into my chemo room 3 times (it was one of the few times I had a private room because my oncologist was supposed to give me results from a CT scan). My husband could see this man was bothering me & ushered him out 3 times. Ironically, my husband told me later this man was a rabbi! I pity anyone who goes to him for advice or comfort! Anyway, Melanie, I am sorry that I went on so long but I wanted to let you know that this haunted me too. If I run into this man again I will try to avoid him, but I feel so badly for his wife! My advice is to try to forget this woman's story; it has no bearing on your husband's story & we need to surround ourselves with as much positive energy as we can.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    AnneCan said:

    Hi Melanie,
    I am really

    Hi Melanie,

    I am really sorry this lady put you & your husband through this. Everyone's story is different & it isn't fair that someone (a stranger) rains on your parade; it sounds like you have every reason to expect a happy ending (& middle) to your story. Don't be too hard on yourself for letting this get to you; I think we all have our moments. Mine was a few treatments ago. I was sitting next to a woman who asked about my port & if it hurt(I was waiting for my blood results & she could see my port because it was accessed). I told her mine didn't bother me & how easy it was for accessing. She was there for her 1st chemo treatment for bladder cancer & wanted to know how it was. I told her that my chemo was probably quite different than what she would be getting, but that I had found it manageable. I really tried to encourage her & her face brightened as I talked to her. Suddenly her husband chimed in & said she had 3 months to live & he had been out planning her funeral! Her face was not as bright as he spoke. He said "she can't do anything anymore, she can't clean, cook, etc."! What a charmer! Then he proceeded to say that he was going to demand a wheelchair, cleaning person etc. from the CCAC (Community Care Access Canda). This is the government run organization that sends nurses to yor house to disconnect chemo as well as other services when deemed needed. I was struck by the feeling that all he cared about was himself & the services his wife was no longer able to provide. He also proceeded to come into my chemo room 3 times (it was one of the few times I had a private room because my oncologist was supposed to give me results from a CT scan). My husband could see this man was bothering me & ushered him out 3 times. Ironically, my husband told me later this man was a rabbi! I pity anyone who goes to him for advice or comfort! Anyway, Melanie, I am sorry that I went on so long but I wanted to let you know that this haunted me too. If I run into this man again I will try to avoid him, but I feel so badly for his wife! My advice is to try to forget this woman's story; it has no bearing on your husband's story & we need to surround ourselves with as much positive energy as we can.

    Gracious!
    Goodness! People are so STUPID sometimes! I don't know why they are so negative and so sure you want to hear what they have to say.

    I'm sorry you had to put up with this.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    Mel
    Mel,
    So sorry that woman was so insensitive. As you know there are many, many people fighting cancer and living full lives. Many, many people beating cancer. You are a strong caregiver and you have a strong hubby.
    Take care.
    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member

    Mel
    Mel,
    So sorry that woman was so insensitive. As you know there are many, many people fighting cancer and living full lives. Many, many people beating cancer. You are a strong caregiver and you have a strong hubby.
    Take care.
    Aloha,
    Kathleen

    That little......
    Let me get at her!

    Keep on pressing......I am stage 4 and one year later NED, don't know for how long, but not going to take her advice. Live it up.
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
    Reality is a few stage II patients will be clean after chemo and have a recurrance. That is fact. But it doesn't mean most, and it doesn't mean your husband.

    There are so many different things to take into consideration. Living as healthy as you can sometimes makes a difference over someone that smokes, drinks, and eats unhealthy, and gets no exercise. A well differentiated tumor has a different prognosis than poorly differentiated. The list goes on and on. Every individual is different and responds differently to chemo.

    I'm going against the grain here - I don't think this woman is so awful. She was telling her story - it is what SHE knows, as it is her reality. But it is HER story, not YOURS. If you were in her shoes, and had thought you were clear, and everyone told you that you'd be fine, and then you weren't... you might "warn" others too. Who knows where her head was.

    Wishing for good test results for you Friday! Your husband's story is his own - not the same as anyone else. I'm hoping for it to be a good one!

    Hang in there.
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342

    Reality is a few stage II patients will be clean after chemo and have a recurrance. That is fact. But it doesn't mean most, and it doesn't mean your husband.

    There are so many different things to take into consideration. Living as healthy as you can sometimes makes a difference over someone that smokes, drinks, and eats unhealthy, and gets no exercise. A well differentiated tumor has a different prognosis than poorly differentiated. The list goes on and on. Every individual is different and responds differently to chemo.

    I'm going against the grain here - I don't think this woman is so awful. She was telling her story - it is what SHE knows, as it is her reality. But it is HER story, not YOURS. If you were in her shoes, and had thought you were clear, and everyone told you that you'd be fine, and then you weren't... you might "warn" others too. Who knows where her head was.

    Wishing for good test results for you Friday! Your husband's story is his own - not the same as anyone else. I'm hoping for it to be a good one!

    Hang in there.

    Oi Vey!!!!!
    Anne, that story of that woman married to the rabbi is horrifying!! I can't believe he would act so non-chalant and insensitive like that. Now how great will it be if she actually outlives him????

    I'll go against Kathryn's grain and say that woman was awful for saying that, because she should have thought of other people's feelings first before speaking, and not think of herself, and think that someone else may take the news like she can, I don't tell many people my story or try to smash anyones hopes or step on anyone's feelings. Think before you speak, I always say.

    Everyone is different, their journeys will be different, but one person's news, doesn't mean it's going to be theirs, and no one has the right to say, you aren't going to make it, because people have, take things one day at a time and don't give up any hopes.

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    Shayenne said:

    Oi Vey!!!!!
    Anne, that story of that woman married to the rabbi is horrifying!! I can't believe he would act so non-chalant and insensitive like that. Now how great will it be if she actually outlives him????

    I'll go against Kathryn's grain and say that woman was awful for saying that, because she should have thought of other people's feelings first before speaking, and not think of herself, and think that someone else may take the news like she can, I don't tell many people my story or try to smash anyones hopes or step on anyone's feelings. Think before you speak, I always say.

    Everyone is different, their journeys will be different, but one person's news, doesn't mean it's going to be theirs, and no one has the right to say, you aren't going to make it, because people have, take things one day at a time and don't give up any hopes.

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna

    Hi Donna,
    You are right,

    Hi Donna,

    You are right, that would be awesome. I don't know how anyone would last in such a negative environment. I didn't tell the whole story, either (too much to tell). When he came into my room the 1st time he kept talking about an obscure old film where the story was all about .....death. I kept thinking maybe his story had a point he was coming to ....but no! That's when my husband took him out the 1st time! I guess every experience teaches us something; this reminded me how important it is to surround ourselves with positives as much as possible. And to keep my eyes open in the chemo cemtre, to avoid him!
  • KATE58
    KATE58 Member Posts: 299
    AnneCan said:

    Hi Donna,
    You are right,

    Hi Donna,

    You are right, that would be awesome. I don't know how anyone would last in such a negative environment. I didn't tell the whole story, either (too much to tell). When he came into my room the 1st time he kept talking about an obscure old film where the story was all about .....death. I kept thinking maybe his story had a point he was coming to ....but no! That's when my husband took him out the 1st time! I guess every experience teaches us something; this reminded me how important it is to surround ourselves with positives as much as possible. And to keep my eyes open in the chemo cemtre, to avoid him!

    I was diagnosed stageIV 4
    I was diagnosed stageIV 4 1/2 ago.They thought
    I wouldn't last 3 months, hahaha Still here and doing pretty good.
    there is no expiration date stamped on me!!
    That women was insensitive,but you have to feel sorry for her,
    sounds like she's given up.
    That Rabbi story makes me glad I'm divorced.

    No one but God knows what is going to happen,
    doctors only guess and guesses are like opinions and you
    know what they say about opinions!

    I'll keep you in my prayers
    God bless
    Kate
  • sfmarie
    sfmarie Member Posts: 602
    The stupid things people say
    Mel, don't listen to a stranger! Why would anyone be so cruel? Noone knows how your husband will respond to chemo and there are many, many survivors here that will tell you how great thy are doing! Yes, everyone is an expert. I hate when people do that. I had a friend today tell me she thought pallative care was not worth the burden it is putting on the rest of the country. OK, that really got my goat. Let's see her fight for her life!
  • MelanieT
    MelanieT Member Posts: 186
    Buzzard said:

    Put your husband on the line here.......
    First of all is hubbys name Chris ? OK, tell him that the next time anyone says anything negative about his diagnosis or prognosis tell him to just say...You and I have a different idea of where cancer will take me, cancer is going to take me to new heights in my life where the sun always shines and where I can appreciate every little detail where before I was only passing it all by. Cancer has slowed me down to where even you maam can't defray what I have learned during this journey, and I have to much to share to allow cancer to take over my life, much less take my life. So actually my life has just begun again, and with a closer eye to detail that only a near death experience could possibly bring to anyone. Melanie and Chris, I wouldn't say this if I really didn't think it true. At the end of a year from the moment of diagnosis to the final chemo treatment, you both will go through an enormous amount of strain, but at the end of that year cancer will be behind you and you new normal will start. It will happen, never lose faith, it will happen, just wait and see what I say...Your Buddy, Buzz

    Thanks buzz you made me cry
    Thanks buzz you made me cry and this time because i was happy.... thank you:)