Well as my title says Im new here and confused about my whole situation to be honest.
Couldnt sleep so decided to go through my bag of info the social worker that came to "talk" to me in the hospital gave me ( I think she was trying to size me up to see if I was nutzo) Im only 32 and been stressing over this all since found out I even had not one but TWO types of cancer and one is rare my doctor says.Uterian and Cervical cancer the cervical cancer I was diagnosed with my doctor says occasionally is in adults but usually is in kids! I dont know exactly how to process that. Im scared of what will happen to my kids if I dont make it through this I have no family support the few family I do have seems like they couldnt care less they dont even call except to gripe about their problems or to ask me for help on a college paper, am I wrong for needing a little support right now am I being selfish?I have been sick to the point of not being able to work at times for over a year now,been to the ER more than 5 times just since Oct 23 2008 and had to have blood transfusions because I had lost so much blood I was to dangerous levels and passing out I have received 11 units of blood since Oct 08.Finally got a new decent doctor and was diagnosed on Sept 15th 2009 had 3 surgeries on 16th,17th,and 23rd of Sept. to remove the tumors and a complete hysterectomy which in itself is hard for me because I always wanted another child but Im blessed to have the two I do have at first my surgeon says ok got it all you dont have to do chemo, them 2 weeks later he calls me says I was wrong according to my pathology results he got I DO have to do chemo and alot of it.
Something going wrong and leaving my children alone in this world is what I fear the most in all this the few family I have wouldnt be good to them,so its hard to think of that, so I have to keep fighting this to be here for them.
I go Monday 11-30-09 to have a port put in my chest and start 44 weeks of chemo on the 1st of Dec,which also makes me nervous of how it will affect me and not only me my kids, I did decide when I start to lose my hair which my doctor says will happen pretty quick with the treatment course I am having to do I want this to be least traumatic on my kids as possible so thinking I will just shave it off before they see it falling out.
I apologize for rambling and this post being so long,also if this isnt where should be posting this at all.
Just needing somewhere to vent I guess and any feedback would be great these past few months I have felt like a snow ball headed downhill with no end in site and speeding up.Im sure I cant be the only person who felt this way.~ Jenn