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New here and Confused

InvictusAngel's picture
InvictusAngel
Posts: 93
Joined: Nov 2009

Well as my title says Im new here and confused about my whole situation to be honest.
Couldnt sleep so decided to go through my bag of info the social worker that came to "talk" to me in the hospital gave me ( I think she was trying to size me up to see if I was nutzo) Im only 32 and been stressing over this all since found out I even had not one but TWO types of cancer and one is rare my doctor says.Uterian and Cervical cancer the cervical cancer I was diagnosed with my doctor says occasionally is in adults but usually is in kids! I dont know exactly how to process that. Im scared of what will happen to my kids if I dont make it through this I have no family support the few family I do have seems like they couldnt care less they dont even call except to gripe about their problems or to ask me for help on a college paper, am I wrong for needing a little support right now am I being selfish?I have been sick to the point of not being able to work at times for over a year now,been to the ER more than 5 times just since Oct 23 2008 and had to have blood transfusions because I had lost so much blood I was to dangerous levels and passing out I have received 11 units of blood since Oct 08.Finally got a new decent doctor and was diagnosed on Sept 15th 2009 had 3 surgeries on 16th,17th,and 23rd of Sept. to remove the tumors and a complete hysterectomy which in itself is hard for me because I always wanted another child but Im blessed to have the two I do have at first my surgeon says ok got it all you dont have to do chemo, them 2 weeks later he calls me says I was wrong according to my pathology results he got I DO have to do chemo and alot of it.
Something going wrong and leaving my children alone in this world is what I fear the most in all this the few family I have wouldnt be good to them,so its hard to think of that, so I have to keep fighting this to be here for them.

I go Monday 11-30-09 to have a port put in my chest and start 44 weeks of chemo on the 1st of Dec,which also makes me nervous of how it will affect me and not only me my kids, I did decide when I start to lose my hair which my doctor says will happen pretty quick with the treatment course I am having to do I want this to be least traumatic on my kids as possible so thinking I will just shave it off before they see it falling out.

I apologize for rambling and this post being so long,also if this isnt where should be posting this at all.
Just needing somewhere to vent I guess and any feedback would be great these past few months I have felt like a snow ball headed downhill with no end in site and speeding up.Im sure I cant be the only person who felt this way.~ Jenn

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

We are all in this fight together and everything we say there is a specific meaning to it, be it venting, cursing, whatever, never apologize. You are among friends here and you will get close to a bunch of us in here. We can guide and help in your journey, we can be spiritual help, emotional help, knowledge, unending information, or just shoulders if needed. There are other threads in here to post on also where answers can be found for your types of disease. simply click on discussion groups and there will be a group of different threads with the different types of cancer to go into . Also at the bottom will be the other threads on Caregivers,Emotional, etc...Make yourself at home and we will try to keep you informed and entertained so you don't worry all of the time. Be patient, it will take a while....{{{{hugs}}}}.......Buzzard

lindaprocopio's picture
lindaprocopio
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

If you click on the 'Discussion Boards' link on the left-side bar of this page, and scroll down, there's a link for a UTERINE CANCER discussion board. I hope you'll pop over and join us there. There are several young women who you can relate to and a lot of good research and practical experience with the chemo and treatments you will be having. I have a rare form of uterine cancer (Uterine Papillary Serous Carcinoma) and there are other regular posters on the Uterine Cancer Board with other rare cancer types. (((((BIG HUG)))))

This Discussion Board will help you more than I can explain. Here you can say anything and vent your fears in a way that you probably can't at home for fear of worrying or saddening your loved ones and friends.

bluerose's picture
bluerose
Posts: 1089
Joined: Jul 2009

Hello Jenn, First let me say that I am so sorry for all you are being challenged with in regards to your health but the good news is that you have come to the right place for supprt. You can post here under Emotional Issues when you just want to talk about your feelings or like Linda said you can go to more specific sites depending on the type of cancer you are dealing with OR post on both. Wherever you feel most comfortable with what you are wanting to write about.

I want to assure you that your feelings are all very normal for what you are going through so you aren't alone in having those feelings at all. I have 2 kids and they were very small when I was diagnosed some 20 years ago and my prayers were always to allow me to survive long enough to see my children self sufficient - which they are now. I was truly blessed to have been here to watch them grow up. I believe a Mother's prayer to be there for her children is one of the strongest prayers. Faith goes a long way to get you through all of this, I hope you have spirituality in your life.

You are right about shaving your head and getting it over with, to my way of thinking BUT before you do make sure you have a good wig at home that is close to your usual style so that the kids feel as comfortable with it all as possible. That's my way of looking at it anywho.

You have a long road ahead of you and sounds like very little support where you are but no more because now that you have found this site you will have as much support as you want. Remember, it's important to take just one day at a time, I know it's hard to do but it's important to try and not think too far ahead with all the chemos for example that you will have to do. One step at a time.

Keep us posted on your progress and thoughts along the way. We will be here for you.

Blessings, Bluerose

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm glad you found us. Come here or anywhere on these boards when you need support, information, or just need to vent. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time, and sorry that you had the need to find us. Find local support by talking to that social worker or contacting your local American Cancer Society. They should also be helpful at finding a wig. Don't be afraid to ask for help. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Fay

InvictusAngel's picture
InvictusAngel
Posts: 93
Joined: Nov 2009

Thanks for the warm welcome once again cant sleep so thought I would come check to see if I had any replies haha
Nervous going in the A.M. to have the port put in and after all I have already been through dont know why that is making me so nervous.

I appreciate the thoughts and advice Blue Rose you are right I do have very little support here where I am and it is tough being a single mom but I am trying my hardest to make this as easy on them as possible and thanks for the tip will make sure have the wig before I take it all off.

I did take a look at the other boards only seen one thread and no responses in it with the rare cancer they found in me and it was a mom posting because her 14 yr old daughter was diagnosed with it so strange to me being 32 and one of the cancers I was found to have was a very aggressive cancer kids cancer rarely found in adults// its called rhabdomyosarcoma cancer then I was found to have endometris uterian cancer as well.

Yes I do have spirituality in my life :) I have faith I will be ok,just scared and have no one physically here to talk too Im sure not gonna tell my 12yr old or my 8 yr old I'm scared because me being strong is the only thing that stops them from crying.
So yep you got in I do my crying in the shower away from them.

I really appreciate that there is a site like this, Buzzard you are right I'm sure I will get to know alot of you I hope so at least,it does make it easier knowing I have somewhere I can come to for talk, advise,etc.
well its after midnight here so guess I better try once again to go to sleep gotta be at the hospital at 7 am Take care all

marywest's picture
marywest
Posts: 135
Joined: Sep 2009

You can ramble on all you want, you need to release those fears and anxieties and have them replaced with answers, comfort and love. At a human stand point of view it looks over whelming, but to God nothing is to hard. As far as shaving your head, beings we have so many little kids in our family I knew it would of scared them to see me bald. I made a party out of it. I let all the little kids take turns cutting my hair, I made it fun for them, even tho I was crying inside. We took pictures and made it as fun as possible for everyone. No one was shocked after that. You need some help. When you can, I know you have alot going on, check out the yellow pages under care givers or Home Health Care. Start somewhere by reaching out, tell them your story, people who care can step in and see what is available for you. It might be bringing you meals, or having someone clean your house. They might be able to help you get answers financialy. Most hospitals provide case workers, start asking as soon as possible. One person can lead you to another. I still have scarves that were made for me and they are very nice to wear on your head. If you want to send me you address I will mail them to you. Here is my email, if you wish you can write me and i will send them asap, it is marywest8888@yahoo.com Dont worry about the future, easier said than done, but do your best to focus on now, one day at a time. Our God is already at work for you, he will bring the right person in your path, he supplies, God is unlimited in resources, there is nothing to hard for him. The times you feel exhausted and scared, get a mind set of seeing yourself wrapped in his arms, he will take care you and your kids. Continue posting on here and in other areas of this site, these people with love and comfort are a God-send. Anything and I mean anything that is on your heart please share it. You are not alone anymore. Let us know how it goes after you get your port in. Its a new day and a new beginning and you will have others to walk down that road with you. God Bless you sweetheart!

InvictusAngel's picture
InvictusAngel
Posts: 93
Joined: Nov 2009

Mary thank you for your kind words,and you willing to pass down your scarves to me is very sweet and I would be honored to wear them.I have emailed you :)I have started to find a new strength coming on here seeing others who actually understand what Im going through,actually caught some ppl in chat last night and they were great really helped me calm down about the Port placement today. It was scary,it does hurt,and is sore but its no where near as bad as I had worked myself up in fits about I have now had 4 surgeries and Im just looking at this as another step in this journey I didnt think I could get past and I did it..

Fay you are so correct I have started talking with my kids about it a bit,the social worker at the hospital gave me a couple books to break things down on kid levels and they seem to be less scared after reading them first we read them together then they wanted to read them alone I was watching them and could see their little minds churning trying to process it all. I do feel very blessed with the teachers they have this year they have been great,in understanding whats going on and trying to help my children while I was in the hospital my son ( hes special needs) was so scared he told his teacher that he couldn't go to sleep at the house or the cancer monster would take away mom so she let him make a pallet and slept in the reading center at school for almost a week til he had adjusted and seen I was ok at the hospital.
both my children have journals that go back and forth from parent to teacher each day and this is how I keep the teachers informed and if something real important I call like today after getting the port in I called so she could let my kids know I was ok.

I really do feel I need to establish a support system it is very hard being a single mom with cancer,I struggled trying to find childcare etc for going tomorrow to get chemo since I have to be there all day.So that was a new thing added to the list of "to do's"
Never seen myself as having to find childcare for cancer treatment but here I am.

Im nervous for starting chemo tomorrow but I think more because I don't know how it will affect me, I mean she guaranteed I would lose my hair etc.She gave me 4 prescriptions to fill before coming tomorrow to start chemo I got them all but one my insurance didn't want to pay for it and it was to expensive so my doctor was on the phone etc trying to help don't know still don't have it yet but will see what she says in the morning.
Anywho here I go rambling again and this vicadin is kicking in so I am going to call it a nite. Really appreciate the advice and responses and offers of the scarves you guys/ and ladies are very sweet.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

I'm a retired teacher, and I used to tell my students that single parents were my heroes. It's true. I think you have the hardest jobs in the world. I wouldn't have wanted to raise my two sons alone. Now you have this extra burden. Personally, I would tell my kids that I was scared. I'm sure that they are scared, too. Kids often imagine things are even worse than they are. Ask at the school if there are any programs that can help your children cope. Also, I always appreciated it when parents let me know, as the teacher, when difficult things were happening at home. Children often act out when stressed or check out, can't concentrate. I know that our American Cancer Society here had programs for children with parents with cancer. Please check with them about support groups for you, too. Some of our best friendships came from our cancer support group. Don't try to do this alone. Ask for help and keep asking for help.

I hope your port surgery went well. I'm glad you have faith. It really helps. Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Fay

Erin Sullivan Wagner
Posts: 5
Joined: Jun 2009

I just read your message, and want you to know that I will be thinking positive thoughts about you every night. How old are your kids? It sounds like you've gone through a lot already, and still have a ways to go. You aren't alone. There are lots of us out there, virtually looking after each other. None of this will be esy, but hopefully they are good to you, listen to your fears, answer alll your concerns, and give you hope. That's really the most important thing in my opinion. None of know the number of days or years for sure, but we can all be hopeful that it will be a long way off and we'll have time to enjoy our children, watch them grow and teach them all they need to know to get by in this world. You have 2 good reasons to put on your armor and go fight. hopefully they will care enough about you and your emotional well being to spend some time caring for the whole you. It's missing a lot in healthcare these days.
We'll watch your progress and stay up with you if you need it. Stay strong, and hopeful, and open to any gifts that sometimes come from the hardest times in our lives. You may learn to fight harder than you would have believed you were able, love deeper, and appreciate more about today than you would have ever thought possible. You're in my thoughts and prayers. keep us posted on your progress Jenn.

InvictusAngel's picture
InvictusAngel
Posts: 93
Joined: Nov 2009

Erin- my kids are ages 12(son) and 8 (daughter) yes its been alot already Im just greatful for getting help finally after suffering over a year actually close to two now before I was able to find a doctor who would help, I honestly can not say nothing bad about my doctors right now I think it has been a God send that i came here one of my cancers is very rare and even more rare to be found in adults and my doctor is actually a specialist with this cancer so Im lucky. You are correct on finding out just how strong I can be never imagined myself going through this stuff and seeing ok I cant make it through this then I do make it through it and then next think nope cant do this then I do lol so finding out alot.

I started chemo yesterday 8 hours,exhausted went home and had to come back this morning to start all over another 8 hours thankfully after this one I get to rest for a week before next one. I was smart and ask didn't know I could bring my computer so I did today. I was mega bored yesterday, the side affects she said would take a few days to really start feeling them so far only like shaky a bit and bad headache only twice have I felt nausea but meds helped that.Hot flashes was alot last night :/ but thats the extent of anything so far so Im blessed.

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