Cancer Survivors Network

This is very common. So far you have waited on him hand and foot. My husband tries this all the time. He goes to work each and every day but can't help himself put a bandage over his feeding tube. I personally think they love us to cater to them and of course, I feel guilty because he does have cancer. But unfortunately this does not help him. He needs to do these things for himself to build himself back up. Whether it is confidence or lack of it, it will make him stronger and more willing to fight this dreaded disease to accomplish things for himself. It keeps them going. So many times I have heard people say, "Why does he go to work each day?" Well it keeps him normal. Keeps him moving! Keeps him confident! Keeps him focused and makes him feel like things are okay and that he can Provide. I made him tonight go out with our daughter and get the subs, because he just sat around all day watching football! He will feel more accomplished when he does these thing! Just tell Al, you need to do this for yourself, not me! If you don't want to do that, them I will help you. You will find that they don't want pity. I know this sounds harsh but it works for us.

Sherri

Well hello, sounds like you might not want to hear what I have to say but I am going to tell you anyway, first off AL is just two weeks postop not even that, you ought to be glad he is doing as well as he is, jeff couldn't do half the things 1 week postop that AL has been doing, sounds like you are rushing things just a bit, if you are totally waiting on him hand and foot than fine I see your point, but remember this is a BIG procedure, and you could hardly wait for surgery so now lets work on the after, you say he won't do anything but he is walking outside, he takes a shower, he goes to bed, and he is eating more than he did before, you ought to be glad. Remember they are sore, and it hurts to move, we sometimes have to put ourselves in their shoes and see how it would feel. Jeff is just 4 months post op on Monday, and there is still stuff i have to help him with, he does eat and bath himself, but other things i have to help remember they broke his rib in surgery so that is still uncomfortable, he can't eat alot of stuff others are already eating, I have alot of stress on my plate I am the only one working and sometimes its really hard to put one foot in front of the other, but you know what I almost lost him 24 hours after surgery, and the days I saw him in ICU suffering, I told myself, you know if he comes through this I will help him no matter what, after I saw what this mans body went through I don't care if he never did a thing again, I was just glad to see him alive, You know I get tired too, but I know that GOD gave him back to me for a reason, and I am going to fulfill that reason.

Kathy remember you might be tired, but think of our Kitten's husband Patrick, he has it alot more worse off than any of us, he has a WHOLE PLATE FULL, we just have half a plate full, he cooks, cleans, takes care of his lovely beautiful wife, and still works a 40 hour job, I am sure this man loves his wife very much and he definately took her for better and for worse, but not every man would stay this long with their wife.

I know you are hurting Kathy, and there is days I hurt too, but we just have to pull up our BIG GIRL PANTIES, and keep going, maybe i need William to send you a new pair sounds like your old ones are worn out, and you need new ones to keep going.

Please let me know how things are going on our other site.

Loves and hugs
Lori

Dear Kath:

There is no reason why you should still be "waiting on" Al. You have spoiled Al. Unless you've changed batteries, you should be "dead" by now.

Dr. Luketich told me that after an operation, there is no reason Bill shouldn't be able to return to normal. Bill was downtown shopping with me 9 days after the operation. Will send picture as proof. What can I say? The report is in--It's conclusive. Those who have the "Minimally Invasive Esophagectomy" have quicker recoveries! Now they normally also have lesser rates of morbidity--it's a fact. One small exception - Their wives sometimes "finish them off" upon their return home when they refuse to "get going"!

Perhaps you put your foot down too "gently". Have you got any golf shoes handy? Barring any earth-shattering complications, MIE patients are supposed to be up and about quickly. Dr. Luketich told us there is no reason why one cannot resume normal activities and go on with life--the only exception being learning a new way of eating "mini" meals.

Incidentally Bill and I went shopping last night. When we got back, he said, "Hey Mumphy needs help". I must tell you that Bill is in complete agreement with me. Al should be doing for himself!

But what I wanted to say was that when I suggested we go shopping, I didn't know Bill had just eaten a big bowl of hot soup and topped it off with a large milkshake. Well, on the way there the repercussions began. I had to roll the window down. When we got into the store, the "embarrassing expulsions or should I say explosions" continued. I tried to get away, but he kept trailing me. I said, "Get away from me--walk over there". He said, "Naugh, I want them to think it's you!"

Such are the happenings of one who did not follow his diet. Finally, I said, "Why don't you just go to the car?" We cut our trip short so he could come home and spend time with his friend "John". So the moral of that story is -- don't go shopping after supper I guess. Also, khaki colored pants are not a wise choice.

Now, back to my advice. We do remember that Sherri's husband does not have the "luxury" of an operation and he gets up and goes to work. Did you do too much for Al before the operation? Does he have a tendency to feel sorry for himself? If so, "babying" is the last thing I would do for him. Sherri is right. You must not do for Al what he can do for himself. The more they do for themselves, the quicker they will feel they are back to "normal".

Now to Lori's advice. I must remind her that I've been married to Bill longer than she's been alive. I am old enough to be her mother.

Bill was downtown shopping 9 days after the operation. He was discharged on Day 5. Do I not remember that Al stayed in the hospital longer to "get more rest". The same rest that he could have gotten at home. But you "cut him some slack" and the doctors and nurses were compliant. They treated Bill like a King, but he was happy to be discharged on Day 5. After all, the home health nurse came over the same day and started helping out.

Bill was much more "at home" at Family House Shadyside. He went down to the kitchen the same day and ate some Cream of Wheat. That was when he sat with a poor fellow from Guam who had Cancer of the Tongue. That poor soul had just received the word that removing the other half of his tongue would not cure the cancer. His wife took him home to prepare for his funeral. And like I said, we came home happy to have only had EC Stage III. Looking at all those patients much sicker than I was made me feel like my diagnosis was a "piece of cake".

Perhaps Al should have spent more time with other patients there at Pittsburgh. Try carrying around a battery to keep your heart going, or having a 5-organ transplant, or a lung transplant, or being a brownish color, lying lifeless, waiting for a liver transplant, or being sent home to "die". Give me Esophageal Cancer any day!

When we look around and see how others are suffering, we quickly decide that we are not so bad off after all. Al has been given the "gift" of life that many will never see. A successful EC operation is a time for celebrating--Al should be kicking up his heels by now. If he isn't, perhaps another "Kath Kick is needed, this time with your golf shoes on!"

Now Lori, remember "I'm yo momma!"

Bill was not sore and it didn't hurt to move. He only had one-inch band aid cuts except for one incision about 2 1/2 inch in length. Bill had all his Esophagus removed, Al had half. Bill slept in a regular bed at Shadyside but he slept on 2 pillows.

As far as the operation itself, Bill can put himself in Al's shoes. Bill was "older" than Al. Al may have gone into the operation weaker than Bill, but as far as the operation, they had the same operation by the same doctor. Al should have no trouble sleeping because he had "band aid" cuts about an inch in length.

I'm going to send Kath some pictures of Bill going to town 9 days after the operation, also 12 days after operation, June 1st downtown, etc. We were in Philly on July 3rd, taking a carriage ride and going to Independence Hall and seeing the Liberty Bell. We had seen much of PA, W. VA and parts of Ohio in the first 3 months. Bill did all the driving.

I'm very sorry for Jeff and all he went through, but doctors break no ribs when an MIE is performed. Therefore, we will not grant Al the same recuperative time as Jeff! We remember too that Jeff was a heavy smoker, that may well have contributed to his lung problems. So far, except for Kitten, Jeff has suffered mightily. But I do remember some of Kitten's earlier postings. She talked about how she was up and about shortly after returning home from her operation and cleaning some of her incisions! As a matter of fact, I was amazed at how much she was able to do since she had the "Open" method. She was the exception to the rule. And by the way, we're all still praying for her.

I remember my mom saying to me years ago, "Loretta, if I had a husband as good as yours, I believe I would lick his boots." I said, "Unh uh Mama, that's where you went wrong!" She was never appreciated for all the "boot licking" she did. All she got was another pair of boots to lick! Now my favorite song years ago was Nancy Sinatra's, "These boots are made for walking." Remember that song?

Bill says he thinks Al must have put on Kath's Big Girl Panties with the lace. He's "sposed to" (that's red neck Southern speak for supposed") to put on the pair without lace. So since Al has messed up Kath's panties, we are sending 2 new pairs complete with instructions on how to put them on.

This time we thought it fitting to embroider names on each--you know-in the South "rednecks" would write "HISN" and "HERN". So Kath, look for the package, grab your pair first so there'll be no doubt about which pair Al should wear. And for goodness sake, "DON'T HELP HIM PUT THEM ON!"

Let us know if he gives you any more grief. After all, we'll be in that area within a couple of months. Actually we would like to go before Christmas, but time is moving on. Has Al finished his Christmas shopping yet? Anytime I say, we need to go shopping, Bill says, "Okay let's go!" What a guy! ! But from now on, I'll check to see what he ate first!

Always happy to tell a man what to do,

Loretta

P.S. Bill and I love each other more today than when we first met. Physical attraction doesn't last, but having things in common does. We have grown old together and closer together. Cancer has given us a new dimension to life, as I know it has for each of those who have advanced to the "Survivor" stage. It's time for getting on with life. No time for moping around, feeling sorry for oneself and griping! It's okay to have a fuss, but get it over quickly!