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"why aren't you over her yet, why do you still get upset? its been 3 months"....HELP



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membermeg's picture
				
membermeg

				          
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        			    November 5, 2009 - 10:00am			  			

			
			
I am new to this website and hope to gain friends and strength. 


The subject of this discussion is one that I have been experiencing in my workplace. I am going to write my story when I get a chance, but right now I need to vent. People who have not been through what we have been through have no idea or concept of the word "grief"


"Grief" to us a real emotion, an emotion that is with us at every second of every day. I work in the health field and am 27 years old. I lost my mom 3 months ago and am grieving every day. It is like a rollar coaster and when people tell me they are "sick of the drama" referring to me having to cry or take a walk bc I miss my mother, I get very angry. When you lose someone sooo close to you, it takes years to work through. 


My co-workers get upset if I get "an extra" break bc I am crying and need to take a walk and call my dad. They don't think it is fair. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I get attitude if I am not my happy, bubbly self. I get attitudes if I need to step out bc it HIT me like a ton of bricks. They don't understand and they dont care. I am just so sick of it.......HELP


‹ trying to cope with losing Mom losing mom, i feel lost without her ›

						
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grandmafay's picture
						
grandmafay

				      
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November 5, 2009 - 6:10pm

			
Grief Has No Time Limit
			
People grieve in different ways. It's sad that people in the health field don't know that. Your co-workers are being very insensitive. Their lives go on as before. You are having to adjust to a new normal. You are grieving a huge loss in your life. That doesn't go away. Fairness has nothing to do with it. Losing your mother wasn't fair. Go ahead and vent! If you are in the health field, ask for help dealing with your grief. Maybe there is a grief group you can join. Take care and come here as often as you need to vent. Many of us feel the pain of grief. Fay



			
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geotina

				      
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November 5, 2009 - 10:06pm

			
I'm sorry
			
I'm so sorry you are getting such a hard time from your co-workers.  Have you talked to your supervisor (only if you can do so with complete confidentiality) to help you out at this time.  The co-workers, ignore them.  Don't reply to their criticism.  This may be hard but you will be the bigger person doing this.  Don't let them get to you, they are morons.  (Sorry if that sounds harsh)  Also, might I suggest a visit with your doctor.  You may need to talk to someone regarding grief and your depression.  You have my condolences.  



			
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membermeg's picture
						
membermeg

				      
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November 6, 2009 - 10:19am

			
yeah
			
I have talked to my supervisor and I feel like I am getting no where. So, today is a new day and I am at work and I will do my job, care for my patients like they were family and go home. I realized when only 1 of them came to my moms viewing that they were not my friends. You realize a lot when you lose someone. Those who I thought were close friends were no where around and those who I only knew socially  were my greatest supporters....I am currently seeing my doctor and many others to help me through my grief



			
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sierrareef

				      
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November 7, 2009 - 1:16am

			
How can anyone expect another
			
to overcome their grief after such a short time?  It pains me to hear that.  I would think the most moralistic and helpful thing for you to do is to try and forgive their ignorance and insensitivity and to embrace the fact that you have every right to grieve for as long as is neccessary.  I also think it's important that you fight the temptation to be angry and resentful toward them - I beleive that harboring such ill-will can interfere with your own healing process.


Simply put - listen to those you love and who love you - you'll recognize them by what they say and do.  Ignore anyone who doesn't put your best interest at the forefront of their thoughts and deeds.



			
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membermeg's picture
						
membermeg

				      
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November 9, 2009 - 2:27pm

			
AMEN SIERRAREEF
			
That is exactly what my mother would have said to me. Thank you! I have released my anger towards them and am working through my grief with my family and all of my true friends who love and trully care about me. My mother was my best friend and I will never forget her or force myself not to grieve bc others think I should be someone further along the grief path. That is only ignorance and frankly I have no room in my life for ignorance. My mother would tell me to keep my head up high and forgive those who are judging me, for I am not the ultimate judge and it will only hurt myself. Thank you very much for you words and encouragement



			
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