Looking for advice
I am on the journey into the unknown -- it seems like every day brings new info, and more bad news.
Quick snapshot: I am 42 yrs old, no history of breast cancer for 4 generations, both sides. Had my (first EVER) mammogram back in late August. A follow up eliminated a couple of shadows, but found a definite lump in the left breast. Biopsy followed, 9/15: bad news, its cancer. (7mm in size, at 7 o'clock, estrogen positive). Ok -- lumpectomy it is. I'm a D+ cup, it'll be fine.
The MRI found three more: two were biopsied (4 o'clock [6mm] and 5 o'clock [1.3cm]) and are cancerous as well. 3rd (3mm) is at 10 o'clock and can't be seen w/ ultrasound, we'd have to do an MRI-guided biopsy (shudder). I got these results last Thursday (what a week). The right breast remains 100% clean.
Suddenly I have a lot of options, and they are nasty. No matter what, I'll be on Tamoxifen.
1. partial M, with lumpectomy of the 10 o’clock; reconstructive surgery and reduction surgery (PRO: all at once! CON: HUGE recovery time, wire localization needed, radiation needed)
2. full M with reconstructive surgery and reduction surgery at the same time (PRO: all at once! no wire localization, no radiation CON: HUGE recovery time)
3. full M with reconstructive surgery and reduction surgery at some point in the future (PRO: peace of mind, no wire localization, no radiation CON: BIG recovery time, will have to go back and have major surgery at some point, some chance of having a lot of adjustment to no breast and then having to adjusting to having one again)
I'm overweight, I smoke (trying to quit, have managed to cut back to ~5 cigs a day from ~10/day) and I don't get a lot of exercise. Otherwise I'm in good health (the bloodwork always comes back with good numbers.) I am not my breasts, so I think I'm not going to miss one, and I'd rather keep one (with all of its lovely sensitivity) and just not have a breast on the other side. (Oh, I'm a D+ cup, so there will be a visible difference.)
What I am struggling with is: is it a big deal? am I not giving enough weight to the dramatic difference? will I miss my breast? how much of my self-esteem is tied up in my breasts? is the surgery really disfiguring?
'Everyone' says mastectomy with reconstruction like its a forgone conclusion. Maybe it is. But I really (really REALLY) hate surgery and although I don't choose death over surgery, I want to make the right decision rather than subject myself to a series of surgeries.
I'm wondering if anyone would be willing to talk with me about this. Maybe on the phone, although private chat would work. I just find myself not being able to KNOW how I will feel with only one breast, or none, and so I can't really guess how much I'm going to want to go through the pain of reconstruction?
thanks in advance.
Lisa
P.S. I am talking with therapist, have my 1st apt tomorrow morning. Reconstructive surgeon on Fri morning, and my actual surgeon on Monday morning. Surgery is tentatively scheduled for 11/11 (so, on top of everything, I do have a bit of a time crunch!)
Comments
-
I did not have the decisions
I did not have the decisions to make that you have so I cannot address them. But my prayers are with you. The decisions of what way to go really do have to be up to you but I know that talking with others that have done these various methods will give you information to help make that decision. You will be receiving lots of replies and advice and it should help. My sister had mastectomy on one side and opted not to have reconstruction. She can do that later if she wants. She is happy with her decision and it doesn't bother her that she has only one breast. she doesn't bother with the prothesis either. She is fairly busty but wears rather loose clothing so it is not too obvious. Her doctors concern with that is that it can cause back problems and even balance issues but she said she would deal with that if it occurs. Hope that helps some.
Stef0 -
Dear lisamcsherry,I am so
Dear lisamcsherry,
I am so sorry that you had to find this site and what you're going through, but you've come to the right place for advice. You'll meet women on here who have been there, are there or will be where you are and they will walk through this with you.
And I have to say that YES it is a big deal. Finding out you have a cancer out of the blue is a shock and is an incredibly big deal. For me, and I've noticed a lot of other women on this site that you'll be hearing from soon ... the emotions will catch up with you later. It's important that you get as well informed as you can, gather up your support group and prepare for the fight that is ahead. We are not our breasts ... but they are a part of us and we all deal with the loss in different ways, but in the end, it is a loss. But you're going to be OK. You're not alone. And you're about to meet some of the bravest women I've ever known ...
Keep us posted!
[[[hugs and prayers]]]
dh0 -
I am sorry for the reason
I am sorry for the reason that you are here. But, this is a great support group. I had a lumpectomy as I had a small tumor with 35 radiation treatments. I am so happy that I could have the lumpectomy, as for me, my breasts are a huge part of me, of who I am and of my sexuality. I can't imagine losing one, even if you can have reconstruction because that is what it is, reconstruction, not cosmetic breast enhancement. Only you can make the decision. What can YOU live with? I know some had so much of their breast taken by a lumpectomy that they should have had a mastectomy with reconstruction. But, for others, like me, you can hardly tell I even had a lumpectomy now. It is usually also up to your plastic surgeon and your oncologist as to what is best for you, healthwise. Also, you said you smoke. I don't know any plastic surgeon that will do reconstruction if you smoke. They want you to quit for at least 3 months I think before surgery. Did they tell you this or are they different? Good luck to you however you go. Just make the choice that you want and that you can live with.
Leeza0 -
My oncologist and plasticDawne.Hope said:Dear lisamcsherry,I am so
Dear lisamcsherry,
I am so sorry that you had to find this site and what you're going through, but you've come to the right place for advice. You'll meet women on here who have been there, are there or will be where you are and they will walk through this with you.
And I have to say that YES it is a big deal. Finding out you have a cancer out of the blue is a shock and is an incredibly big deal. For me, and I've noticed a lot of other women on this site that you'll be hearing from soon ... the emotions will catch up with you later. It's important that you get as well informed as you can, gather up your support group and prepare for the fight that is ahead. We are not our breasts ... but they are a part of us and we all deal with the loss in different ways, but in the end, it is a loss. But you're going to be OK. You're not alone. And you're about to meet some of the bravest women I've ever known ...
Keep us posted!
[[[hugs and prayers]]]
dh
My oncologist and plastic surgeon recommended a lumpectomy for me with rad treatments. The lumpectomy was just fine and the rads were very doable. I don't know why everyone seems so fearful of them. Yes, you might get a little pink or a few burnt places, but, everyone has gotten a sunburn in your lifetime. It goes away.
I wish you good luck with your decision. I know it is hard.
I am sure that lots will post with their experience for you.0 -
Choicesunknown said:This comment has been removed by the Moderator
Hi Lisa. Welcome to the club no one ever wants to join. It sounds like you do have a lot of decisions to make ... but as you meet with the various doctors your decisions may become easier to make. Be sure to take someone with you on your appointments. It's always better to have that second set of ears to hear what the doctors are saying ... and to also ask questions you might forget to ask.
I didn't have too many choices in my treatment. The surgeon suggested a lumpectomy and I went with that. After surgery the oncologist reviewed the pathology reports and he came up with the treatment plan ... chemo and radiation ... followed by tamoxifen. No decisions for me to make. I guess I've been sort of a "robot" through all of this ... but that's the way I've been able to handle it. The doctors have decided what my medical needs are ... and I've been able to focus on the emotional/psychological aspects of it all.
That's where this discussion board has been a blessing. I don't know if you've been reading posts ... but we are an amazing group of people who truly know and understand what it's like to walk in your shoes. We are family. We are here to share our knowledge, experiences and most of all support ... to each other. So ... please ... ask questions ... and feel free to vent ... there's someone here 24/7 since some of us have problems sleeping... :-)
Welcome to the family ... and you may not believe it now ... but it won't be long before you will be able to share your experiences with others and help them as they start their treatment.
big hugs.
teena0 -
my struggle
Speaking only for me...I have one breast and hate it. I was not defined by my breasts either, but now that I am done with treatments, I honestly hate only having one. I think had I gotten both removed, I could deal better, at least they'd be "even." You have to do what you think is right and not look back at the what if's....like I'm doing.
There are no "right" answers, I can only tell you how I feel and what I have been through. I am weighing my reconstruction options now and still feel lost.
It is such a confusing time. Good luck with your decisions!0 -
Hard Choice
Lisa,
I am just going through deciding what reconstruction to have. I will have mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time somewhere in the next 6 weeks. I have researched reconstruction until I'm blue in the face. I find that this is more scary for me than facing cancer, surgery, chemo and radiation. I know that I have to have a breast, not having one isn't even an option for me. This has to be about you and how important your breasts are to you. I know a lot of women who didn't have an implant or reconstruction. They use a prosthesis bra so no one can tell and are very happy. I will keep you in my prayers.
Helen0 -
Lisa
I'm so sorry that you even have to face this choice, but you came to the right place to get more information.
I did not have to ultimately make this choice myself, but I thought at one point in my diagnosis that I was going to have to. When I was considering the possibility, I was leaning toward having immediate reconstruction even though I knew it would be a tougher recovery. For myself, I knew that I would want reconstruction and would not want to just be flat on one side and getting it all over with at once made sense to me. Ultimately, I was able to choose a lumpectomy with radiation so I didn't have to go all the way down the road that you're going, and I didn't have the reduction component to deal with as well.
I do also have a good friend who is a BC survivor of over 20 years. She had a unilateral mastectomy and never had reconstruction. She has never been bothered by her choice and is very happy with her self image. She told me that her surgeon did an excellent job, there is barely a scar there and she does not look "disfigured", just flat on one side.
Of course it is a very personal decision that only you can make.
My prayers will be with you as you go through this process. Just remember that all of this is being done to make you well, and that there is a beautiful life to be lived after (and even during) the treatment of this beast.
((((HUGS))))
Cindy0 -
I had a lumpectomy and thencindycflynn said:Lisa
I'm so sorry that you even have to face this choice, but you came to the right place to get more information.
I did not have to ultimately make this choice myself, but I thought at one point in my diagnosis that I was going to have to. When I was considering the possibility, I was leaning toward having immediate reconstruction even though I knew it would be a tougher recovery. For myself, I knew that I would want reconstruction and would not want to just be flat on one side and getting it all over with at once made sense to me. Ultimately, I was able to choose a lumpectomy with radiation so I didn't have to go all the way down the road that you're going, and I didn't have the reduction component to deal with as well.
I do also have a good friend who is a BC survivor of over 20 years. She had a unilateral mastectomy and never had reconstruction. She has never been bothered by her choice and is very happy with her self image. She told me that her surgeon did an excellent job, there is barely a scar there and she does not look "disfigured", just flat on one side.
Of course it is a very personal decision that only you can make.
My prayers will be with you as you go through this process. Just remember that all of this is being done to make you well, and that there is a beautiful life to be lived after (and even during) the treatment of this beast.
((((HUGS))))
Cindy
I had a lumpectomy and then radiation treatments, which I just finished a couple of weeks ago. I am soooooooo glad that is all that I had to do and very thankful also. You need to do what is best for you and what will be the best treatment for you. Also, there are women that even have rads with a mastectomy. And, the recurrence and survival rate are the same with both. I just wish we had a cure so that noone had to make any of these decisions. Decide what you can live with and what you want. Good luck to you!
Sue 0 -
Lisa
As only my wife's care giver we too know of what you speak and I read one of your sentences saying "But I really (really REALLY) hate surgery and although I don't choose death over surgery" this is your first crucial decision and my lovies as well.We are focusing on one thing at a time and I won't stand here and say that appearance isn't important to a woman going through this but health first then that later. My wife getting better is the only big picture I have right now .......little steps......get through the chemo......not complete yet so she isn't focusing on the surgery which will be a mastectomy . I truly wish you the best and hope all goes well for you as well as the rest of these strong ladies in this forum but I would suggest no spontaneous decisions.
Best Wishes
Steve & Teresa0 -
Dear Steve and Teresa,stevie178 said:Lisa
As only my wife's care giver we too know of what you speak and I read one of your sentences saying "But I really (really REALLY) hate surgery and although I don't choose death over surgery" this is your first crucial decision and my lovies as well.We are focusing on one thing at a time and I won't stand here and say that appearance isn't important to a woman going through this but health first then that later. My wife getting better is the only big picture I have right now .......little steps......get through the chemo......not complete yet so she isn't focusing on the surgery which will be a mastectomy . I truly wish you the best and hope all goes well for you as well as the rest of these strong ladies in this forum but I would suggest no spontaneous decisions.
Best Wishes
Steve & Teresa
Oh
Dear Steve and Teresa,
Oh yes -- small steps. I agree. Every day I learn more and digest more. No spontaneous decisions!
my heartfelt best wishes in return,
Lisa0 -
Dear Cindy,cindycflynn said:Lisa
I'm so sorry that you even have to face this choice, but you came to the right place to get more information.
I did not have to ultimately make this choice myself, but I thought at one point in my diagnosis that I was going to have to. When I was considering the possibility, I was leaning toward having immediate reconstruction even though I knew it would be a tougher recovery. For myself, I knew that I would want reconstruction and would not want to just be flat on one side and getting it all over with at once made sense to me. Ultimately, I was able to choose a lumpectomy with radiation so I didn't have to go all the way down the road that you're going, and I didn't have the reduction component to deal with as well.
I do also have a good friend who is a BC survivor of over 20 years. She had a unilateral mastectomy and never had reconstruction. She has never been bothered by her choice and is very happy with her self image. She told me that her surgeon did an excellent job, there is barely a scar there and she does not look "disfigured", just flat on one side.
Of course it is a very personal decision that only you can make.
My prayers will be with you as you go through this process. Just remember that all of this is being done to make you well, and that there is a beautiful life to be lived after (and even during) the treatment of this beast.
((((HUGS))))
Cindy
Thank you so
Dear Cindy,
Thank you so much for sharing the story of your friend -- it helps to know there are women who have not had reconstruction and are happy.
I agree it is very personal.
Most importantly: I have another 40 years after this!
many thanks!
Lisa0 -
I hear you about research! Ihelen e said:Hard Choice
Lisa,
I am just going through deciding what reconstruction to have. I will have mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time somewhere in the next 6 weeks. I have researched reconstruction until I'm blue in the face. I find that this is more scary for me than facing cancer, surgery, chemo and radiation. I know that I have to have a breast, not having one isn't even an option for me. This has to be about you and how important your breasts are to you. I know a lot of women who didn't have an implant or reconstruction. They use a prosthesis bra so no one can tell and are very happy. I will keep you in my prayers.
Helen
I hear you about research! I am so dazzled by images and befuddled by words. A nip here, a scar there . . . . It's hard to sift through the glamor and find the solution that feels right.
thank you for your words -- hearing from women who know they need the breast is important for me.
Lisa0 -
Dear Patti Anne,patti anne said:my struggle
Speaking only for me...I have one breast and hate it. I was not defined by my breasts either, but now that I am done with treatments, I honestly hate only having one. I think had I gotten both removed, I could deal better, at least they'd be "even." You have to do what you think is right and not look back at the what if's....like I'm doing.
There are no "right" answers, I can only tell you how I feel and what I have been through. I am weighing my reconstruction options now and still feel lost.
It is such a confusing time. Good luck with your decisions!
So much
Dear Patti Anne,
So much information! Thank you for sharing how much you hate it, especially since we can both say we aren't defined by our breasts.
~
Lisa0 -
Oh yes -- I was exactlytgf said:Choices
Hi Lisa. Welcome to the club no one ever wants to join. It sounds like you do have a lot of decisions to make ... but as you meet with the various doctors your decisions may become easier to make. Be sure to take someone with you on your appointments. It's always better to have that second set of ears to hear what the doctors are saying ... and to also ask questions you might forget to ask.
I didn't have too many choices in my treatment. The surgeon suggested a lumpectomy and I went with that. After surgery the oncologist reviewed the pathology reports and he came up with the treatment plan ... chemo and radiation ... followed by tamoxifen. No decisions for me to make. I guess I've been sort of a "robot" through all of this ... but that's the way I've been able to handle it. The doctors have decided what my medical needs are ... and I've been able to focus on the emotional/psychological aspects of it all.
That's where this discussion board has been a blessing. I don't know if you've been reading posts ... but we are an amazing group of people who truly know and understand what it's like to walk in your shoes. We are family. We are here to share our knowledge, experiences and most of all support ... to each other. So ... please ... ask questions ... and feel free to vent ... there's someone here 24/7 since some of us have problems sleeping... :-)
Welcome to the family ... and you may not believe it now ... but it won't be long before you will be able to share your experiences with others and help them as they start their treatment.
big hugs.
teena
Oh yes -- I was exactly where you were . . . before the MRI. Looking back, it was so 'easy' (but I just wasn't really dealing.)
I always bring my partner -- he hears different things and asks different questions. He also makes me laugh at the darndest things. (He compared my 2nd biopsy to a "really intense make out session with a teenage boy" made me laugh even though I hurt.)
Thank you,
Lisa0 -
I meet with thejnl said:I am sorry for the reason
I am sorry for the reason that you are here. But, this is a great support group. I had a lumpectomy as I had a small tumor with 35 radiation treatments. I am so happy that I could have the lumpectomy, as for me, my breasts are a huge part of me, of who I am and of my sexuality. I can't imagine losing one, even if you can have reconstruction because that is what it is, reconstruction, not cosmetic breast enhancement. Only you can make the decision. What can YOU live with? I know some had so much of their breast taken by a lumpectomy that they should have had a mastectomy with reconstruction. But, for others, like me, you can hardly tell I even had a lumpectomy now. It is usually also up to your plastic surgeon and your oncologist as to what is best for you, healthwise. Also, you said you smoke. I don't know any plastic surgeon that will do reconstruction if you smoke. They want you to quit for at least 3 months I think before surgery. Did they tell you this or are they different? Good luck to you however you go. Just make the choice that you want and that you can live with.
Leeza
I meet with the reconstructive surgeon tomorrow -- so I'll see what he says, then. Having to quit for 3 mos would definitely narrow my options. (As if I needed more incentive to quit!)0 -
Thank you so much for yourfauxma said:I did not have the decisions
I did not have the decisions to make that you have so I cannot address them. But my prayers are with you. The decisions of what way to go really do have to be up to you but I know that talking with others that have done these various methods will give you information to help make that decision. You will be receiving lots of replies and advice and it should help. My sister had mastectomy on one side and opted not to have reconstruction. She can do that later if she wants. She is happy with her decision and it doesn't bother her that she has only one breast. she doesn't bother with the prothesis either. She is fairly busty but wears rather loose clothing so it is not too obvious. Her doctors concern with that is that it can cause back problems and even balance issues but she said she would deal with that if it occurs. Hope that helps some.
Stef
Thank you so much for your encouragement, and sharing the news about your sister! It really helps.
~
Lisa0 -
I went to see a therapistDawne.Hope said:Dear lisamcsherry,I am so
Dear lisamcsherry,
I am so sorry that you had to find this site and what you're going through, but you've come to the right place for advice. You'll meet women on here who have been there, are there or will be where you are and they will walk through this with you.
And I have to say that YES it is a big deal. Finding out you have a cancer out of the blue is a shock and is an incredibly big deal. For me, and I've noticed a lot of other women on this site that you'll be hearing from soon ... the emotions will catch up with you later. It's important that you get as well informed as you can, gather up your support group and prepare for the fight that is ahead. We are not our breasts ... but they are a part of us and we all deal with the loss in different ways, but in the end, it is a loss. But you're going to be OK. You're not alone. And you're about to meet some of the bravest women I've ever known ...
Keep us posted!
[[[hugs and prayers]]]
dh
I went to see a therapist today, and it turned out that she'd had breast cancer herself, and a unilateral mastectomy! In talking with her I realized that I *am* feeling, and I'm processing. I'm just quiet about it. :-)
~
Lisa0 -
If they are giving you the
If they are giving you the option of reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy, you
should consider that. I wasn't given that option and had to have an expander for months before I can have the reconstruction. I think you will definitely miss the breast without reconstruction. It's just hard to look ok in clothes.I know. I'm a dd in my remaining breast and about a c now in the expander breast, and the difference is very noticible if I dont stuff.0
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