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After the Memorial Service

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

If caregiving is hard and it is, no longer caregiving is very hard, too. My husband's memorial service was Saturday. It was just what my husband wanted, gospel music and storytelling. One of our daughters-in-law put together a great slide show. As many people commented, it was him. Now I must begin my new normal life. I'm not sure how to do this. I have a lot to do here. My husband was a collector and I will eventually need to deal with his collections. Our sons have been wonderful. One is coming up again this week to pick up my husband ashes. We have a family plot that my husband purchased when my father died. They actually allow you to bury ashes yourself in our cemetery, and our son wants to do that. I have a strong support system and everyone is offering help, but I don't know what I need yet. I'm sure I will move forward. I told my husband not to worry about me, that I was a strong, independent women and could take care of myself. Right now I'm just trying to deal with the hole in my heart. Take care, Fay

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

(HUGS)

Steve

onlyhuman
Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Fay
I am glad you have a great support network. Do let yourself go through the grieving process without needing to feel you have to be strong. The grieving and healing proces can take some time and unfortunately there are no shortcuts. Sometimes part of takihg care of yourself is knowing when you can let go a little of the control you have over yourself. You are so blessed that your husband has left you so much of himself not only in his collections but in the children and grandchildren you share. You were together for so many years that I am sure you agree part of who you are today is because of him and so even in you he has left something of himself. Easier said than done but use your memories to fill the hole.
Take care.
Hugs
Sangeeta

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

how wonderful that you have such a strong family. take such comfort in that. you and your children need to perform these rituals. i know that my 4 boys and i should i survive my husband will do something akin to what your have done. beautiful.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

I have been going through the business stuff today. I am really blessed that I don't have any financial concerns at the moment. I can't imagine how difficult that would be and I know some of you have faced this. I woke up this morning and realized that it had been a week since I lost my husband. Another thought hit me, too. I'm a widow. Somehow, I had never thought of that before. I'm ok with it, but it just startled me for some reason. I think in many ways my husband and I went through the grief cycle together. I had accepted early on that we would not grow old together. I accepted that at some point I would be left alone.

I had a massage this morning. The massage therapist is also part of our cancer support group. We had a good talk. I have a lot of time on my hands. That's a strange feeling after 6 years of dr. appointments, tests, etc. I know I will be fine. I just need time to decide where to go from here. Fay

MichelleP's picture
MichelleP
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2009

I'm one of the ones who will face financial issues. My husband and I were married for almost 20 yrs yet all his pension goes to his ex wife. I can collect social security when it's time, but I'm still too young for that. Doesn't seem fair, but what can ya do huh? We own our home with no mortgage which is nice. Maybe I can find another woman in the same position to share expenses....in time....it's too soon right now.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I love the massage.....I'm jealous.

SonSon's picture
SonSon
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009

Fay,
I know you are going through some strange moments. Sort of like sitting still after spinning for a while and yet the room still seems to be moving...
I am glad you are taking care of yourself with the massage.
I spent most of the day on Tuesday typing up letters and scanning billing statements to my computer for all the bills for my mother-in-law. They were all in her name.
I sent these back to them with a copy of the death certificate. I have been told that the bills will be written off - and I will not have to deal with them again. I was told this by someone at the hospital and also from one of the lab offices.
I hope it works. I thank GOD that we won't be forced to pay all of that...don't know how we'd do it except for 10 years of payments. We rent and have no real assets.
Fatima

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