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Will my heart ever be the same?

pipwe1's picture
pipwe1
Posts: 53
Joined: Oct 2009

My partner died August 4th 2009 in my arms at our home after a long battle with this dreaded disease... a social worker at Calvary Hospice, New York, thought it might help me to come here and maybe get some advice/support. My days are up and down but seem to becoming more down than up as the time goes on. I feel like my body is failing me sometimes.. everything hurts, 3 weeks after the funeral I passed out and smashed my face up pretty bad.. I try and eat but often end up vomiting it all back up.. I started a support group 2 weeks ago... I cried for the whole hour and half during both sessions and felt so drained when I left.. Im not sure I can keep this up for 10 weeks..I'm told it will help to let the emotions out. I havent really cried much when Im home I'm just scared that if I start crying at home I will never stop.

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

If you have visited these boards before you may know that I am a cancer survivor who lost my only sibling and both parents. My brother's death seemed like a chapter of a Stephen King novel, it was so unimaginably gruesome. The horror and grief felt actually worse than my cancer. I thought my pain would never heal. However, over time with help, I grew stronger. Now, every time I receive a kind word or unexpected gift from someone, I believe it is a loving message from my family telling me to go on, stay well, and be happy (Well, at least, not sad). Hopefully, you will experience the same relief from your grief.

Love and Courage!

Rick

SonSon's picture
SonSon
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009

It is a very difficult time. I find I cry in the car a lot.
I think you are decompressing - probably before while caring for your partner you had to press everything down so you could function well enough to support and care for him.
You need to take care of yourself - emotionally and physically.
By the way - your profile picture is very pretty...evocative.
Fatima

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

If someone that I cared about told me that they were suffering such grief that they were passing out and regurgitating meals, I would strongly advise them that their grief exceeds normal boundaries, and that they need to seek therapy.

I understand that you are part of a support group of some kind, and that is typically a good thing, especially so if it is recognition on your part that you do need support, that you do need help.

But perhaps at this point you need more one-on-one dialog?

As others have indicated, time seems to heal all wounds. Usually. And, in the same manner that we develop a completely new skin over a matter of days or weeks, I believe that our hearts will never be the same, not the same as they were before a tragic loss, but also not the same as they were a day ago when we watched a child chasing a butterfly.

We grow daily, for better or for worse. As our skins shed, to continue along that line, so to does our heart, our mind, shed and rebuild, collect and then move beyond experiences.

This is life. We accumulate the good, we accumulate the bad. We absorb them and they become part of us, and we move forward, better for the experiences, even if we are not so sure of that in any given moment.

Based on your grievous post, I must assume that your partner meant a great deal to you, still means a great deal to you. By extension, I must assume that you have wonderful memories of time shared with this partner.

Your grief is common, pipwe1. It is ordinary. Your memories are extraordinary. Carry those memories forward rather than this grief. The grief WILL pass, if you let it. The memories will last forever. If you let them.

My thoughts are with you.

Take care,

Joe

pipwe1's picture
pipwe1
Posts: 53
Joined: Oct 2009

Thank you all for your posts. Joe those last words.. Grief will pass, if you let it. Memories will last , if you let them.. beautiful thank you. I am also starting to see someone one on one to help me through this.. I never thought I wanted this or would do it but I have to if I am to survive.

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