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Lost my mom to colon cancer 14 days after giving birth to my daughter

jenn38
Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2009

I am 38 years old and lost my mom to colon cancer this January - 14 days after I became a mom for the first time. I'm not sure what to say. I find myself now months later having moments of visualizing her face when she was just a couple days away from death. She was on morphine and hadn't eaten or drank anything for a long time. She didn't look much like my mom anymore. She was starving. I can't get that picture out of my mind. I try to stay strong because in other aspects of my life I am very happy. My baby girl is beautiful and healthy - although my mom didn't really know that she was there or that I had her. You see, my mom was trying to last until I had my baby girl. She told me that she wanted nothing more than to help raise her grand-daughter. She couldn't wait to see her in my arms. At first when I found out that I was pregnant I thought that it would give my mom a little extra "something" to help boost her hope. But closer to her death I realized that my little girl would be there for me.

Has anyone else had this experience? I miss my mom so much and there is nothing I can do about it.

Now I found out that my Dad has aggressive prostate cancer. I hate cancer!

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1611
Joined: Aug 2009

I think we all hate cancer. It just took my husband of 42 years away from his family. He died just a few days ago. Whenever I see his face as it was at the end, I push that away and remember him when things were better. As a Mom, I can tell you that even though your mother is gone, she was happy that you had a daughter to help comfort you. I am sure, too, that she saw your daughter every time she looked at you. I know it is hard when you would like her around to give advice and love to your baby, but you will keep your mother alive in your heart. Tell your daughter stories about your mother and show her pictures. She will be there for her, too. Take care, Fay

jenn38
Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2009

Thanks for the advice. It means a lot coming from someone who is a mom. I do that too...try to push away how she looked at the end. I also have kept our emails and I read them sometimes. It makes me feel like she is still here. It is amazing how much of a hole it leaves in your heart when you lose someone you love so much. I hope you are hanging in there. They say the first year is the worst...so I am trying to look forward to a new year next year and going to enjoy seeing my daughter playing around at the upcoming holiday festivities.
Thanks again for your kind words...they warmed my heart.
-Jennifer

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