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My husband answered me today

MichelleP's picture
MichelleP
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2009

Before my husband passed while I was holding him and talking to him I asked that he send me a sign he is with me after his passing. Many people ask that lights go on or off....some ask for pennies to be found. But I wanted to ask him for something different....something that no one else would understand. I asked him to send me nuts, bolts and screws. And the reason for this is because he would "never" toss those things away. He always said to me.....you never know when you'll need one.

This morning I went into his closet and picked up his little travel bag. You know, the ones men use for shaving creams, razors and such when going on a trip. I started throwing some of the things away that I knew were quite old since we hadn't traveled anywhere in a long time...such as toothpaste etc. Then...in the very last compartment were "TWO SCREWS". There is no way in heck that he would have traveled with those......I know in my heart he put them there for me to find. Somehow after some tears and holding them in my hand close to my heart I just know he's telling me that he's here with me and everything is going to be okay.

I'm not crying right now.....I feel strength and love. I'm not alone....the love of my life is right here next to me.....taking care of me and loving me.

I'm going to save each and every one I find and keep them so that when I feel down I can open a little box and remember. Maybe a big box!

I'm going to be okay

terato's picture
terato
Posts: 384
Joined: Apr 2002

Michelle,

You have discovered what I have stated here before, that our loved ones are not really gone, they have merely made their transition to a pain-free peaceful state of existence. Your husband is just as much with you as my parents and brother are with me. Knowing this gives us peace of mind and keeps us going.

Love and Courage!

Rick

pattynonews's picture
pattynonews
Posts: 176
Joined: Aug 2009

Jack wrote something to me the other day

When you fel a little breeze on your cheek and the wind in your hair, The warm sunshine, butterflies, rainbows and moonbeams, humming birds the little baby birds everything beautiful , all the stars in the night sky I'll be by your side hand in hand to come for you,

I read this and just started crying, and I know Jack's soul will always be with me I am just not ready to let go of his free spirit, How do you do it Michelle, You know I met Jack 2 months before he found out he had stage 4 cancer, So we have been together for 16 months and 14 months have been dealing with cancer, How do you get the strength to carry on, and the sad thing to is this is the same time last year that his mom was put on hospice, Jack was put on the same day, Jack's mom made it to Christmas day, So it is very emotional I know Jack and I were brought together at that certain time but it is so unfair we don't have more time to love each,

MichelleP's picture
MichelleP
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2009

My husband was just diagnosed last March. It's been a roller coaster ride ever since between the chemo and doctors appts. He was in the hospital 6 times during this period all with pneumonia. Being a full time caretaker is so very difficult as I'm sure you know. I was so emotional during this entire process. But during this time I always talked to him (not about his passing) about how much I loved him. It was only during the past ten days while on hospice that I was able to hold him and tell him all the things I needed to say. If I had tried before he would only shut me out because he refused to discuss his passing. During these ten days I told him how very much I would miss him but that I also knew how tired he was and that it was okay for him to go....I kept saying that everything was going to be okay and that he didn't have to worry about me. I know that he held on for my sake...not for himself. It took me months to realize that my need for him to stay was for myself....and I was being selfish. He's in the arms of God now and certainly watching over me. Which is obvious by my finding those screws. He may be gone physically but he is and always will be with me....I know that now. And the knowing of that has brought me peace. I can honestly tell you that if I hadn't found that sign from him that I would be an emotional wreck curled into a ball on the floor.

If I could go back and change anything, I would never have agreed to chemotherapy and I would have taken out last days and lived them....really lived them. The treatment was horrible on him and I'm so sorry for that. And as far as hospice...please Patty....please....take my advice on this. I know hospice is wonderful yes, but watch the medications very very closely. I truly believe that they tend to over medicate the patient for what they call comfort. Those high doses of medications I believe can shorten the process. Not that the cancer itself isn't going to take your loved one, but the need to speed it up is wrong. Especially if you can see that he has difficulty speaking and communicating with you. Keep a very close watch.

God Bless and if you ever want to talk....pm me and I'll send you my email.

My prayers are with you

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband, and you are right, he's right beside you watching over you. God will take great care of him, and you.....{{{hugs}}} to you. Clift

SonSon's picture
SonSon
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009

I also believe that our loved ones are still around in some capacity.
Personally - I believe my uncle visited me during the few seconds he was technically dead before they revived him at the hospital. I went to see him and he died a few weeks later.
Remember my post about my mother-in-law talking to her late husband? I really believe he was visiting her and i twas probably her sign that she was dying.
You got me crying with your post.
Fatima

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