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jestawoman
Posts: 35
Joined: Oct 2009

There probably is no magic answer here, except for all your prayers for my mom and brother that I can get. My brother has been told that the treatments are no longer working (for the third round) and that his recurrent nasopharyngeal tumor has grown much larger than they had thought. The only treatment option a team of doctors have come up with is called Exactrac. It is 6 weeks of re-irradiation to be had along with the never ending chemo. My brother is very adamnent about not wanting to repeat the horrors of his first radiation experiences, nor does he want to spend the likely less than one year he might gain being that sick in front of his two teen children. He has 2 days to give the doctors an answer. It seems he has already made up his mind, and won't accept this treatment...
He is 42, lives with my mother who is stage IV breast cancer with mets. I am SO heart sick for her. She couldn't bear to go see my younger sister in the hospital during her last days for fear of having to watch her die. She just told me she doesn't think she can live with my brother and watch him "just go" either. She wishes someone could tell her how she is supposed to deal with "this", him not accepting further treatment and the unbearable thought of having to watch him die. All I could do was promise her she would certainly not be alone, and that we have to be strong for Troy... Poor Troy, he knows this is tearing her up, but knows also he can't fix it for her. Me, I want to go wreak havoc and be violent somewhere. Of course I won't, but it is how I feel right now.
Thanks for reading.
Peace...out.

MinnieMN
Posts: 47
Joined: Aug 2009

I know a response is not required, but I hope it will be accepted, because I'm responding anyways. It really sounds like your family is going through the toughest times. I understand what your brother is going through more than I would like to admit, which is why I'm going to say this: As hard as it may be, please support him in whatever decision he needs to make at this point in his life. I know it is hard, and with your mom-I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. There are lots of prople on this site to offer support, and please maybe seek some grief counseling to help u through this. Also, above all else, try to find those things that you and your family can smile about-I know, easier said than done, but relish the time you have together-you'll be glad that u did.
Peace

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

I sympathize with you both..Knowing how you feel Jesta and knowing how you are MinnieMN. I want for both of you to please contact God and rely on Him for personal healing through all of this. We do not necessarily understand why sometimes we simply have to accept things as they are and try our best to see some type of positive through all of the negative. I have kicked trash cans, ranted and raved and cursed about this all. It only seems to make it worse but it is a vent that we all need from time to time.Strength is when we can cry and vent and then get right back up after its over and move on, weakness is when we can't. We have to be strong for the ones we care for no matter how hard the pain...and MinnieMN please PM me back, I want to see how you are..Jesta, if you need any guidance or someone to speak or rant or vent with you can call me anytime. If you believe in God we can talk in that fashion, if you don't I have no qualms for you about that either, you just need someone to help, I may be the ear you need.......{{{{{{{hugs to you both}}}}}}}}}

jestawoman
Posts: 35
Joined: Oct 2009

Thanks so much to both of you for taking time to respond to this post! MinnieMN, your advice is good, I am sure. I will be sharing it with my mom today. I am sure my brother would thank you for that offering as well. Sounds like you know where he's coming from on this. I wish you the Best in your journey!
Buzzard, what a funny screen name here! Your message is comforting in that I feel you could be a source of strength and a reminder to me to stay close to the Lord through all of this. I won't forget your offer, I may need a partner in prayer!
Thanks again to both of you!
Peace...out.

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4606
Joined: Feb 2004

Jesta I have had to watch my mom, my sister and my sister in-law pass from this illness. I know how hard this can be and I wish to send my prayers and support to you and your family. I know it is difficult to accept that your brother has made a decision you and your mom may be at odds with. I know because when my sister decided she was not going to do the last ditch effort (whipple operation for pancreatic cancer) which would prob. only have bought her a bit more time I was furious! I myself have had cancer 3 times and was just out of treatment a month when she became ill for the third and final time. I pleaded with her to get a second even a third opinion all to no avail, she was done fighting she was tired exhausted and and had made her peace with God and was ready to go. I finally had to accept that and in doing so was able to spend the last several weeks of her life recalling fun times we had as children. We watched favorite movies on her bed and chatted up a storm until she could chat no more. There were some very sad moments too, but they are all cherished memories as I am sure you will create with your brother as he makes his decision for treatment or no treatment. Trust that you will all be in my heart and in my prayers.

Hugs,

RE

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