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How do I do this?

MinnieMN
Posts: 47
Joined: Aug 2009

There's this coworker that really wants to help me a lot, but she is above me and works really close with me, and it just feels really really really weird. How do I let her know that I don't need her help in a nice way? I mean, I neeeeeeeed help, God knws, but you know...sometimes people are best kept at a bit of a distance.
Little update-I have been dealing with lots of pain and short hospital stays. I am very stressed out because I am worried about work. I really wish I had someone to talk to.

BroadwayJoe's picture
BroadwayJoe
Posts: 10
Joined: Aug 2009

Minnie-

I know the feeling, only with me it's family members. I would just let the person know that you appreciate thier offer, but that your doing ok for now. (even though this may not be the case) Sometimes I think it's hard for people that are around us to cope with what were dealing with and so instead of helping us they end up causing more harm then good.

Remember you are not alone in this fight. I will be checking back and if you need to talk you can e-mail me at joeramp@hotmail.com anytime. Get well and remember we are all survivors. -Joe-

SonSon's picture
SonSon
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009

If you have a human resource department/office then talk to your HR manager. Find out if accepting assistance from your superior would cause any employment issues.
Is this superior also of the opposite sex? If so, is this what may be causing you hesitation?
I am not sure what sort of help your superior is offering you - but if it is financial maybe you can side-step any possible employment issues by using the HR department or employee assistance program as a go-between. Some large companies have funds set up for emergency assistance for people such as yourself. Your co-worker can send the money to the fund and you can take it from the fund. Just an idea to explore.
Fatima

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1614
Joined: Aug 2009

Some people really do want to help. I have had many offers. We did ask some people to help with driving when my husband had radiation. It made them feel like they were doing something. I think they often feel as helpless as we do and they just want to do something/anything. We try to let people know how much we truly appreciate their offers, because we do. It's hard to accept help,though, because there really isn't very much they can do right now. Fay

DennisR
Posts: 148
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Minnie,
When I was DXd and needed emergency surgery unexpectedly, my wife had literally dozens of people we'd previously thought of as customers, come into the Small Store we operate and just take off their jackets and say, "I'm here for the rest of the day, what do you want me to do? and just start vacuuming, or greeting customers, making copies, answering phones, etc. I was absolutely amazed at the outpouring kindness and thoughtfulness of people. It allowed my wife the freedom to leave the store and visit me in the Hospital, keep up with the bookwork, and generally not miss a beat. One friend came all the way from Wyoming and spent the entire month of December working in my business and refused to allow me to even pay for his room.
My advice is to allow people to show their support and graciously accept any offers of help, you will be doing them a great service by allowing them to help you, as opposed to rejecting them. You never really know how much people you're acquainted with really care about you and how genuinely kind they are until something like this comes up and allowing them the opportunity to express their feelings is a much larger thing than the mere pride that keeps you from accepting their help and possibly hurting their feelings.
DennisR

sue Siwek
Posts: 281
Joined: Jun 2009

10 yrs ago when my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer my children and i closed ranks. we needed to digested that the man who was so important to our family might die! we needed time to adjust, to have a game plan and to grieve. so friends and family stood back and let us struggle with this awful thing. so do that and then when you are ready ask for help from friends and family. if they are insistent tell them that you need time but will no doubt call upon them for help and expect that they will still be willing to help. believe me, you will eventually want their help.

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