Chemo made me Jewish!

TraciInLA
TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
So I was in the locker room at the gym this morning, on my way out, so I had my little bucket hat on.

And a woman whom I've never seen before walked in, stood right in front of me, and said, "Are you Orthodox, or just hiding your hair?"

I looked her dead in the face, and said, "No, I'm doing chemo."

And she replied, "Oh, that's all right -- people will just think you're Jewish!"

I don't give a damn what religion anyone thinks I am -- but what on earth makes people think it's okay to just walk up to a complete stranger and make comments about her head?

Oy vey!

Traci
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Comments

  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    #2
    It's called Ignorance
    Notice I didn't say "stupid." In this woman's case, I believe she is very, very ignorant. And I think she represents only a small number of people who don't recognize someone who is going through chemo. I wore my bucket hats proudly - especially the one that was Pepto Bismal PINK! Traci you just have shrug off thoughtless comments and be thankful that you understand what someone goes through with chemo and are able to offer a smile and support rather than a rude comment like this woman did. The nerve!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Marilynn
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #3
    I am that woman....should I feel Jewish guilt now???
    Silly Woman, these are the same people who come up and pat a pregnant woman's stomach without knowing her either! And you do live in LA...need I say more??? hahahahahaha!

    I was very aware of bald women when I was going through treatment, and even now...the tiny heads without sideburns swathed in bandanas are such a give-away! I admit, I am the one who goes over and hugs them and tells them "I used to have that same hair-style". It has only backfired twice~ one woman I hugged was not going through chemo; being bald and wearing a bandana was her personal militant statement about something I am not too sure of, and another young woman was suffering from permanent alopecia, and would never have her hair grow back!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • mickeymom
    mickeymom Member Posts: 117
    #4
    Frame of reference
    I think her comments were probably based on a very different frame of reference than you might have if you are not Jewish. I have had two Jewish friends (they are not orthodox)jump right to the hair issue when I told them about my bc. They talked a lot about how the best wig advice I could get would be from orthodox women they knew. It is a practiced custom by some but not all orthodox Jewish women to shave their heads and wear wigs or scarves. One friend wanted to take a trip to New York when my hair fell out because the best wigs you can buy are from the orthodox wig shops in New York. I don't think this woman was ignorant. Chemo is obviously not the first thing she thinks of when she sees a woman with no hair.

    However, asking that question of a stranger, even a Jewish stranger, was pretty rude - much like the people who ask overweight women when their baby is due. I know I've had my share of rude and insensitive comments about cancer. Hopefully she will think twice before she says something like that to a stranger again, but I'm afraid some people are just like that.
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #5
    Way back when, we went to a
    Way back when, we went to a Christmas party and a co-worker of my husband asked when the baby was due. I'd had him two months before. Put a little alcohol in some people and don't be surprised what comes out of their mouths. Didn't bother me because I knew he wouldn't remember it the next day.

    I've also put my foot in my mouth many times.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #6
    Marcia527 said:

    Way back when, we went to a
    Way back when, we went to a Christmas party and a co-worker of my husband asked when the baby was due. I'd had him two months before. Put a little alcohol in some people and don't be surprised what comes out of their mouths. Didn't bother me because I knew he wouldn't remember it the next day.

    I've also put my foot in my mouth many times.

    Rude and insensitive come to mind
    People .. old or young .. men or women .. their comments surprise me. Before breast cancer I would slapped that women out 'like a new cement driveway' - verbally, of course, now I would just shake my head and walk away.

    Traci - I am so happy that you are LIVING thru chemo and breast cancer, don't let anyone take the joy and happiness from your life! Keep living and going to the gym ..

    Just about finished with 4 chemo cycles, right?

    VickiSam
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #7
    All I can say is that was a
    All I can say is that was a very ignorant and insensitive comment. Nothing surprises me anymore!
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490
    #8
    chenheart said:

    I am that woman....should I feel Jewish guilt now???
    Silly Woman, these are the same people who come up and pat a pregnant woman's stomach without knowing her either! And you do live in LA...need I say more??? hahahahahaha!

    I was very aware of bald women when I was going through treatment, and even now...the tiny heads without sideburns swathed in bandanas are such a give-away! I admit, I am the one who goes over and hugs them and tells them "I used to have that same hair-style". It has only backfired twice~ one woman I hugged was not going through chemo; being bald and wearing a bandana was her personal militant statement about something I am not too sure of, and another young woman was suffering from permanent alopecia, and would never have her hair grow back!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    OH, that happened to me
    OH, that happened to me also! She has alopecia! She was a beautiful young woman. I told her about my breast cancer, and she hugged me. Her mom has breast cancer.
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490
    #9
    VickiSam said:

    Rude and insensitive come to mind
    People .. old or young .. men or women .. their comments surprise me. Before breast cancer I would slapped that women out 'like a new cement driveway' - verbally, of course, now I would just shake my head and walk away.

    Traci - I am so happy that you are LIVING thru chemo and breast cancer, don't let anyone take the joy and happiness from your life! Keep living and going to the gym ..

    Just about finished with 4 chemo cycles, right?

    VickiSam

    Like a neighbor I ran into
    Like a neighbor I ran into in the store, she asked me how I was, and I told her I had a lumpectomy that I had breast cancer. She asked me if it was "benign" I told her NO! Cancer is milignant.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #10
    lanie940 said:

    Like a neighbor I ran into
    Like a neighbor I ran into in the store, she asked me how I was, and I told her I had a lumpectomy that I had breast cancer. She asked me if it was "benign" I told her NO! Cancer is milignant.

    Oh my Lord .. Lanie ..
    I don't get it ..


    VickiSam
  • pitt
    pitt Member Posts: 387
    #11
    I had a woman tell me the
    I had a woman tell me the other day that i should go to her house for a "Cancer Prevention" party. Apparently, if I had only been taking JuicePlus pills instead of eating all these fresh fruits and vegetables, then I wouldn't have created this scenario I'm now living in. You heard me...it's my fault I have BC! Stupid is as stupid does!
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    #12
    Hello traci
    I am starting to loss my hair in handfulls.I am trying to get the courage to shave it.i never thought of the comments some might say.i am very big on maners.I don,t know how anyone could be so rude.You have the best personality,I hope I can be as strong as you.At this point I am tired of crying over it.My hair feels dead,and putting my hand through it brings a handful out.I know what I need to do but getting their.It will happen soon I think.Take Care.(Pat).
  • mgm42
    mgm42 Member Posts: 491 Member
    #13
    ppurdin said:

    Hello traci
    I am starting to loss my hair in handfulls.I am trying to get the courage to shave it.i never thought of the comments some might say.i am very big on maners.I don,t know how anyone could be so rude.You have the best personality,I hope I can be as strong as you.At this point I am tired of crying over it.My hair feels dead,and putting my hand through it brings a handful out.I know what I need to do but getting their.It will happen soon I think.Take Care.(Pat).

    Hang in there, Pat
    Pat, most of us have gone through what you're going through right now and reading your post brings it all back to me. It was devasstating. I feel for you, but please know that within several months, your hair will grow back and these days will seem like a bad dream. Please hang in there kiddo. Hugs, Marilynn
  • j916
    j916 Member Posts: 141
    #14
    The coolest part...
    of your post was the little statement you threw in..."so I was in the locker room at the gym"....YOU ARE GOING TO THE GYM DURING CHEMO!!!!! How incredible is that!!!!! Things like that are what we need to grab onto, and not let go! WAY TO GO GIRL!!!!
    Jeanne
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #15
    j916 said:

    The coolest part...
    of your post was the little statement you threw in..."so I was in the locker room at the gym"....YOU ARE GOING TO THE GYM DURING CHEMO!!!!! How incredible is that!!!!! Things like that are what we need to grab onto, and not let go! WAY TO GO GIRL!!!!
    Jeanne

    Thanks so much for the encouragement, Jeanne...
    ...I need it! I'm trying to keep at least a semblance of my former exercise routine, though it's tough.

    I know that a lot of people have posted that their doctors told them to stay away from the gym during chemo, but I'm lucky that the Neulasta shot is working great for me, my cell counts are consistently nice and high, and my doctor is very encouraging of my going to the gym. Also, it's a women's-only gym (Total Woman, for any of you in SoCal), so it's a very supportive environment, which is nice to have right now.

    Traci
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #16
    TraciInLA said:

    Thanks so much for the encouragement, Jeanne...
    ...I need it! I'm trying to keep at least a semblance of my former exercise routine, though it's tough.

    I know that a lot of people have posted that their doctors told them to stay away from the gym during chemo, but I'm lucky that the Neulasta shot is working great for me, my cell counts are consistently nice and high, and my doctor is very encouraging of my going to the gym. Also, it's a women's-only gym (Total Woman, for any of you in SoCal), so it's a very supportive environment, which is nice to have right now.

    Traci

    I agree wholeheartedly with
    I agree wholeheartedly with you Traci. I, too, have been going to my Jazzercise class through my entire treatment, so far. This is also all women. My doctor has encouraged me to do what I can. I did purchase my own weights, so I don't have to use theirs. I have to exercise and I'm so glad I still can.
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #17
    People and their comments...
    Just chalk it up as another nosey person! It is AMAZING that people feel they have a right to make comments and judgements when they notice that a WOMAN is bald......Does anyone go up to a bald man and ask if he's having chemo or why he is bald? I wear my wig when out in public but some of the comments that I have gotten since my DX blow me away! I can't tell you how many people I DON'T know well come up to me and start telling me about their cousin's next door neighbor's friend that had breast cancer and how horrible it was....I actully told one women that I didn't want to hear it........she was taken aback and acted offended......OH WELL! Some people are just "motor mouths!"

    I wish you well Traci
    Nancy
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #18
    TraciInLA said:

    Thanks so much for the encouragement, Jeanne...
    ...I need it! I'm trying to keep at least a semblance of my former exercise routine, though it's tough.

    I know that a lot of people have posted that their doctors told them to stay away from the gym during chemo, but I'm lucky that the Neulasta shot is working great for me, my cell counts are consistently nice and high, and my doctor is very encouraging of my going to the gym. Also, it's a women's-only gym (Total Woman, for any of you in SoCal), so it's a very supportive environment, which is nice to have right now.

    Traci

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #19
    MAJW said:

    People and their comments...
    Just chalk it up as another nosey person! It is AMAZING that people feel they have a right to make comments and judgements when they notice that a WOMAN is bald......Does anyone go up to a bald man and ask if he's having chemo or why he is bald? I wear my wig when out in public but some of the comments that I have gotten since my DX blow me away! I can't tell you how many people I DON'T know well come up to me and start telling me about their cousin's next door neighbor's friend that had breast cancer and how horrible it was....I actully told one women that I didn't want to hear it........she was taken aback and acted offended......OH WELL! Some people are just "motor mouths!"

    I wish you well Traci
    Nancy

    Some people are just plain
    Some people are just plain ignorant! Sorry Traci.

    Leeza
  • pitt
    pitt Member Posts: 387
    #20
    Or as Bill Maher would say,
    Or as Bill Maher would say, "Stupid is a pre-existing condition!" :-)
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #21
    pitt said:

    Or as Bill Maher would say,
    Or as Bill Maher would say, "Stupid is a pre-existing condition!" :-)

    I was told by a young friend
    I was told by a young friend who also has BC, that be prepared for people to say stupid things. I smile and said to her ok. So about a week later I am having a Breast MRI and the tech who is preparing me for it say to me OH Breast Cancer huh. I said ya, so she says ya I had a aunt and a niece who had it and they both died. Well I was so worried about the MRI that I just smiled and said I was sorry. Now I am in this horrible to me machine with nothing to do but think and I just started to laugh. I thought to myself, I needed to know this Why ??
    Stupid.

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