Sep 28, 2009 - 7:59 pm
HI. I am posting here for help. My husband (45yo) was dx in Dec 2007 with stage IV inoperable gastric cancer. At the time it had already spread to the omentum (the lining of the abdominal cavity) and chemo was the only treatment available. He went thru 2 chemo protocols in 14mo.(first was cisplatin, taxotere for 7mo - second was oxaliplatin & 5FU for 7 mo.) Then we were told that no more FDA approved chemos were available for him since it had now spread to his liver and we should look into clinical trials. That was 7 months ago. In June he was going to start a trial but his counts were great, he was feeling the best he had in a ong time and the docs suggested he take the summer off from chemo and see what happens. We agreed (since we have 3 kids) and we had the most amazing summer ever! You never would have known he had stage IV cancer! Then in Aug, we went in for a scan & bloodwork. The docs wanted to monitor him. The scan showed growth in the omentum and the liver spot was larger. So, we found a new trial and began a week later. This trial kicked his ass to the wall and back... it was AWFUL. After just 2 rounds (4 weeks) his scan showed so much growth in the omentum, an enlarged lymphnode on his chest and fluid surrounding his right lung. OMG Are you kidding me? So, no more trial. This brings us to today. We are waiting for test results of the lung fluid (pleural effusion) to see if its cancerous. The docs are pretty convinced it will be. So, now we have to see if there is an FDA approved treatment that he can go on since it has now spread to the lung and chest... maybe a lung cancer treatment? We will meet wiht the docs either this week or next - waiting for the call. THIS SUCKS. IT BREAKS MY HEART. I have loved this man for 23 years - more than half my life - and I cant stand to see him suffer. He has lost 70 lbs in 9 mo, walks like hes 80yo, talks like hes a drunk (from all the meds) and forgets everything that happens within minutes. He is a shell of himself. What is the hardest part is our 9yo son who knows daddy is sick but doesnt know that he will die... and my 21 yo son who is praying so hard that he doesnt lose his father, and my 18yo son who is away at college but and trying to forget his dad is sick. And then theres me. The sole caretaker. The one trying to hold it all together. The one who deals with everything for the kids and my husbands illness. The one who is ready to lose it at any given moment becuz I dont know how I will live without him. How I will deal with my kids losing their dad. How will I help his parents who have already lost 1 child (2.5 yrs ago) to a heart issue, and watched their other child go thru breast cancer? I have tried like hell to keep it all together. to be strong for everyone - but I cant do it anymore. We all need help - but my husband is the most stubborn and refuses to go to talk to someone. He doesnt even want a social worker coming. SO, that is why I am here... what do I do? I dont know if he will be with us for Christmas - I need to prepare my kids and I have no idea how to do that without completely tearing their lives apart. My heart breaks for every single person who has been touched by cancer - however that my be - it is an ugly, mean, nasty monster that has to be stopped - but is just too big for me. And as string as mu husband is - and even tho he has defied the odds already - he knows he cant beat the moster. But he will not go down without a fight.