What to tell my grandson??

My grandson is 11 and I also
My grandson is 11 and I also take care of him, get him up and off to school. I just told him I had Cancer and needed surgery but I'd be ok, that the Drs I had were great. I don't have to have chemo, but I will have to have RADs. I told him I was going to have hernia surgery, he said "Poor Grandmom, another surgry!" I told him I couldn't take care of him for a few days till I felt better after the surgery. It says I am not supposed to drive for 7 days, So, I have it on a thursday, I should be ok by maybe Tuesday, I hope!

I told my 9 year old grandson
The first time he saw me after I lost all my hair he said, "Gramma Jenny you are still beautiful" Now, a month after chemo, I have peach fuzz coming in and he keeps telling me that's beautiful as well. He was curious about the cancer and I answered his questions when he asked. I believe he handles it better than him mother (my daughter) does. His gentleness and caring makes me want to fight even harder amd beat it!
I think when it comes to these issues, there's no right or wrong way. Kids usually know when something is wrong - they are pretty resilient! You'll know the right thing to say & do - just let him love you!
best wishes,
-Jenny

Honesty at his level
I just barely finished chemo but I am also work in an elementary school. I still had my hair when school got out last June, but I came back in a scarf. (I couldn't make wigs work. Too scratchy for me.) I decided to just respond honestly to any questions at an age appropriate level. I've told them that I have a sickness and that I have to take some really strong medicine to get better. Then I tell them that the medicine makes my hair fall out and I wear a scarf because I think it looks better until my hair grows back. The younger the student, the less information they seem to want to know about it. A very simple, plain facts explaination makes sense to them. I've let them ask what they want to know.

I try to make sure they understand through my tone and manner that I'm okay with what's going on and that everything will be fine. If I'm uncomfortable,they will be too. That's usually where the conversation ends and the only other question get now is if it's growing yet, and I say I'll let them know when it does.

If you see your grandson everyday, he probably already knows that you're going through a sickness. Maybe you can let him understand that this might happen so he get's a little warning. Let him ask what he wants to know. He might find your wig very cool. Younger children seem to care less about these things that we think they will. I have a 13 year old daughter who has struggled far more with my hair loss than any reaction I've had from my young students. Hugs & Blessings.

GRAND ONES
Hello Q,

My grand ones live with me. During my chemo they were 1 and 3 years old. The 1 year old never noticed the 3 year old however did. He saw me become ill and would play doctor to help heal me (which by the way always made me feel better!) He wear his hair cut short (army short) so we had almost the same haircut. He was the only one to see me bald, I simply told him some of my sickness was in my hair so we got rid of it and that I was growing new "happy hair". He would go in the bathroom with me carrying my hair hat (wig) and help me see how much happy hair was growing. He is now 5 and remembers it fondly, as a matter of fact he got his army cut the other day and asked me if I remembered having the same haircut as he has LOL!!! I told him I did and we both giggled. Children are marvelous resilient little creatures, I find if we explain things to them in a creative not scary way they respond well. Hope this helps a bit.

Hugs,

RE

lovelylola said:

Thank you for asking this question
My son and daughter-in-law and I have been discussing how to tell my grandkids (ages 10 & 6) when I start losing my hair. I definitely am not going to use the C word with either as the family dog lost her battle with cancer right when I was first diagnosed and they both took it hard.
I am currently living with them so they have seen me daily since I came home from surgery. I like the idea of the medicine that makes me better makes the hair come out. My grandson knows I've been sick and had surgery. He's a very empathic child (at age 10) and has been a big help to me.
I also work in an intermediate school and hope to work through at least some if not all of my chemo. I'm still playing with how to tell hormonal middle schoolers, most of whom are boys. Any thoughts on this from the sisterhood?

Talk to your dr
I was told to avoid children as they are always catching and sharing colds and such which when on chemo can lead to more serious problems should you get what they have. While on chemo your ability to fight off colds and such will be greatly deminished. I suggest you go over this with your doctor to see what they suggest.

RE

lovelylola said:

Thank you for asking this question
My son and daughter-in-law and I have been discussing how to tell my grandkids (ages 10 & 6) when I start losing my hair. I definitely am not going to use the C word with either as the family dog lost her battle with cancer right when I was first diagnosed and they both took it hard.
I am currently living with them so they have seen me daily since I came home from surgery. I like the idea of the medicine that makes me better makes the hair come out. My grandson knows I've been sick and had surgery. He's a very empathic child (at age 10) and has been a big help to me.
I also work in an intermediate school and hope to work through at least some if not all of my chemo. I'm still playing with how to tell hormonal middle schoolers, most of whom are boys. Any thoughts on this from the sisterhood?

Older children know more
One thing I found after going back to work at my elementary school is that the younger students are happy with simple answers, but the older they get, the more they already know. I've had two different students who were in 5th grade ask me if I had cancer. Both had a family member who had been through cancer treatment and they knew all about the hair loss. The older the students, the more their life experience starts to make it difficult for you to control what you want them to know.

Again I was honest with them and confirmed that I did. They both seemed to think I was doing the right thing getting treatment. They just know more at their age. One sweet girl who has an Aunt who is currently in treatment has continued to comment on how she likes my scarves and keeps recommending a very scary sounding vegetable juice her aunt drinks. I find her support very endearing.

I like the idea others had of comparing your hair to theirs - especially if they are boys. The boys don't seem to care as much. I've had a few of my older students tell me how weird it would be not to have hair but I try to use it as a lesson in how to get through tough stuff you don't want to do. If I can be tough enough to get through without my hair, you are tough enough to learn fractions. After about a week, it was old news and most of them don't even care anymore.

I have 3 children... 7, 4,
I have 3 children... 7, 4, and 2... I explained to them about what was going on and I did use the word cancer. Although they don't understand what that truely means. I explained to them about "the medicine" called chemo I needed to take to make me better.. I told them that this medicine was SO strong that it would cause all my hair to fall out. They thought that was silly. I told them about some of the other side effects to.. How I might be really sleepy some days and not feel to good. That mommy might have to take naps in the afternoon.

My feelings on this is to be HONEST. Share with him what is going to happen and how you might not feel so good some days. Trying to hide it is only going to scare him. My kids have dealt with this wonderfully, They ask questions when they need to. My children have seen me with no hair and the months later when my eye lashes fell out my 4 year old asked me.. "mommy did that medicine make your eye lashes fall out too" and he just looked at me..

My advice, tell him what is going on.. and follow his lead about it.. You might cry together or laugh. I allowed my kids to ask me if they had any questions after I told them and none did.. but over time they do ask..

JUST BE HONEST !!!!

Not advice so much...
I can't really advise any of you on what to say, but I do have a free tool available if you want to use it. I have a breast cancer paper doll that you can print out for free at my site (CancerVacation.com) - it has it's own 'paper doll' link at the top. I designed her to help explain my own cancer to my very inquisitive (and smart) five year old neighbor and then added other options for other treatments and surgeries. I realize there are already dolls and books and things available, but they all cost money and I figured mothers with cancer and small children were generally broke.

So, if you think it will help your explanations, you can print the doll out for free and customize her with different surgeries or clothes or bandages, etc. Also, if there's a breast cancer treatment or surgery or something you'd like to see as an option for the doll you can just email me and I'll try to draw it at some point.