Sep 17, 2009 - 2:50 pm
Aloha All passed my THIRD 3 month check up with oncologist...no evidence of disease; CA 125 went up one point (11 from 10, but the one before was 11 so Dr considers it stable); doing better overall but the anxiety just before the appointment got out of control and I was not pleasant; plan the next time to hide for a couple of days; thought I was doing better since I didn't cry when I made the travel arrangements (have to fly to Honolulu from an outer island to see the doc)and called the onc clinic to fax my lab requisition to the local hospital, but about two days before the appointment a flood of anxiety hit me from out of the blue; ANYONE ELSE GETTING CRAZY BEFORE GOING FOR A CHECK UP; I know a certain amount of trembling is normal so I meditate and pray, take a little Xanax and tell myself whatever happens, happens; not much one can do right?
it was as if my BODY remembered the trauma and wasn't buying any of that serenity shit; Doc says in time it will get better "small steps and you'll get there; you're a survivor"; he again reiterated his confidence "this cancer is gone and it's not coming back; we got it all"; I told him I don't understand how he can be so confident as just the week before I admitted a patient to my homecare agency who had uterine cancer 40 yrs ago (had cobalt treatments !!!!) and was now dealing with lung cancer; his response was "different cancer, different reason"; still feeling emotional..just like crying after a fright; anyway wanted to share the joy and relief; for all of you still in the midst of the fight, I was diagnosed 5/22/08, UPSC grade 3; total hyst etc 6/12/08; stage 1A; 8 cycles of Carbo/Taxol; no radiation; We live to dance another day; my prayers and best hopes are with you all...Mahalo (thanks) for being there Marie