Thanks to all of you for helping Corrine & me. I am now out of the picture

chenheart said:

I also may be way out of
I also may be way out of line here, but I have come to know that in many, if not most things in life, there are Reasons, and then there are Excuses. Sometimes we try and convince ourselves and others that we are giving a Reason for a certain action ( or non-action) but in truth, we are making Excuses. It seems to me that Corrine may just be making excuses; again, forgive me if I am speaking out of turn. I know I might also be 100% incorrect!

Having been both a caregiver and a patient, I hope I am able to see both sides of this issue with some clarity. I do not pretend to know the relationship you had with Corrine before BC. What your dynamics were, what role each of you played, how you each reacted previously to family/stress/work/holidays/politics/ etc etc may be more telling in hindsight than what is happening to you as a couple now. Is this an anomoly, brought on by the fear and subsequent exhaustion following diagnosis and treatment? Or have you seen Corrine's family pressure her successfully under other circumstances as well? If this is just an oddity, time may soften the immediate situation. If not...it is sad, but perhaps not so surprising after all.

I thank you so much for stepping up to the plate and doing everything you possibly could; caregivers/nurturers are a God-send to so many of us. I am very sorry that for now, at any rate, your good heart is not being rewarded by Corrine and her family. Thank you for updating us...I wish you peace, and a continued clean conscience knowing that you led with your heart and did all you could.

Claudia

Sorry this is a long
Sorry this is a long post!

First of all Joe, I did get your PM. Read it while at work. I was so emotional from your kind words, I could not answer while at work. I did not want my staff to see me in tears. I know it may sound too "masculine", but I need to be a leader at the office. Actually, I am quite an emotional person. In our society men are expected to be the strong rock and hide thier emotions. Over my many years I have seen men that who do not cry, manifest thier emotions in unhealthy ways; violence, physical and emotional abuse, etc. To me, my emotional outlet is the only healthy way, as the options are not acceptable. Thank you Joe for taking the time to send me the PM.

Second; Linda T, I appreciate your support and suggestions. I am not HIV positive. The interaction I have with HIV children is extremely controlled and we have been trained for this. I have had tests for HIV just to be sure. For those of you that want to know about the camp, I will make a seperate post after this. Being tested for mrsa and found negative would not ease Corrine's fears. She thinks I could be infected at any time even though Sharon has not had an outbreak for over a month and we steralize the house daily. The woman that introduced us (Charlotte) took Corrine to an appointment with her reconstructive surgeon. After what the dr told them about mrsa, even Charlotte said she was uncomfortable being around me.

Third; I believe Corrine really believes I could put her life in danger by being near her. After I started this thread, I did not even call Corrine leaving the ball in her court. After a couple of days she started calling me and we now talk at least 2 times a day. Many times she has told me "I hope you understand my fear". Many times it is to tell me her progress, drs appointments, our daily lives and how we are both handling everything. She has told me many times she misses me, my loving care and support, my cooking (lol), etc. She does not have much for income at this point and several things at her house need repair. As a jack-of-all-trades, I have always been the one to take care of those things even before she was sick. Yet, she asks me for instructions on how to fix it herself. On the positive side, this will make her more knowlegable and independant.

Fourth; Claudia, I cannot blame her for fears. I am, however, disappointed in her family for letting their feelings of me use that to seperate us and then desert her. Labor day, her son, mother, brothers and sister-in-laws did not show up for a bbq. Only Corrine's friend and her daughter attended.

As I said in the past I talked to my dr, Sharon's dr and Corrine's onc. None had concerns when I told them the whole truth. Corrine told me her onc, reconstructive surgeon and PCP told her she should avoid me. This gets down to what she told the doctors. Did she tell them Sharon has not had an outbreak over 30 days? Do we sanitize our house? Do we have physical contact (Sharon & me or Corrine & me)? Do I practice constant hygene? And many more questions. This is why I asked Corrine if we could BOTH meet with each of her doctors to address any concerns before she made her decision about me being her primary caregiver. Before that could happen her family convinced her I endangered her life (while Corrine was under the affects of morphine for 2 days).

I continue to send Corrine resources, support groups and encourage her. Over the last 2 years I believed God introduced me to Sharon 32 years ago and we have remained close friends all this time because God had a plan for me once Sharon was disabled. I also believed (and still do), God placed me in Corrine's life 8 years ago to help her through this trial.

VickiSam, I am so happy my postings have made a tremendous difference with you and your family. Even though I am not the one with cancer, We are here to help each other. All of you have been an huge blessing to me.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith develops perseverance" James 1:2-3

"Victory belongs to the one who believes the most and the longest”

My thoughts, love and prayers,
Ken