I'm making my will

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lizper
lizper Member Posts: 199
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Since my Mommy passed, I was suggested to do my own will to protect my children. I promised my lovely Mommy that I would take good care of what she left me and that all would be for her grandchildren... and at the end she nodded but said to me: "But remember you go first". I suppose her worrying about health issues and also you never now what happens in mariage.
I would like an opinion....about 96% of what I have and is going on my will was given by my Mommy and 4% was my savings.I don't know how to put my husband into this. I feel like leaving him out beacuse everything was my Mom's and Dad's work and my children deserve it all. I don't know if that is selfish or over protective. On the other hand I was thinking on leaving him 4 o 5% or would that just be an insult? I don't want to haver problems with him and I don't know if he will understand.
What do you all think?

Comments

  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980
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    I think you need to talk it out with your husband.
    Inherited money is tricky, especially is you have a 'blended' family like I do, where the children from a former marriage can be largely disinherited if their parent dies before the spouse dies, if there is no will. But anytime you have personally inherited money and heirlooms that were to be passed down a 'blood line', you run the risk of someone's wishes not being honored. And the **** risk of hurting the feelings of someone you love.

    I would think long and hard about disinheriting my spouse in any sizeable way, if he is to finish raising your children. I own my own business and wanted to leave it to my grown children, and not my husband, and my 2 children are also the primary beneficiaries on my life insurance. But I left ALL of my retirement savings to my husband, and all of my other liquid cash, truly the bulk of my assets. My reasoning is that my children are young and strong and can earn their own money, and I have helped them financially during my lifetime. But my husband is older and may not have any earning potential when I die and will miss the income I would have contributed to the household, and I don't want him to suffer financially by my death. I love the man, after all! My husband inherited quite a bit of money from his father, and wanted that money to go to his children if we don't spend it all ourselves. So we talked it all out, then talked it out again in an attorney's office, and came up with complimenting wills we both feel okay about. Can you talk to your husband about this?

    PS: If I get really bad with a recurrance, my plan is to gift my children with my business while I am still alive in some way that will lessen the inheritance tax. So I plan to do my will over if I get the chance, to then take out reference to my business and the jewelry I would also give away BEFORE I die.
  • lizper
    lizper Member Posts: 199
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    I think you need to talk it out with your husband.
    Inherited money is tricky, especially is you have a 'blended' family like I do, where the children from a former marriage can be largely disinherited if their parent dies before the spouse dies, if there is no will. But anytime you have personally inherited money and heirlooms that were to be passed down a 'blood line', you run the risk of someone's wishes not being honored. And the **** risk of hurting the feelings of someone you love.

    I would think long and hard about disinheriting my spouse in any sizeable way, if he is to finish raising your children. I own my own business and wanted to leave it to my grown children, and not my husband, and my 2 children are also the primary beneficiaries on my life insurance. But I left ALL of my retirement savings to my husband, and all of my other liquid cash, truly the bulk of my assets. My reasoning is that my children are young and strong and can earn their own money, and I have helped them financially during my lifetime. But my husband is older and may not have any earning potential when I die and will miss the income I would have contributed to the household, and I don't want him to suffer financially by my death. I love the man, after all! My husband inherited quite a bit of money from his father, and wanted that money to go to his children if we don't spend it all ourselves. So we talked it all out, then talked it out again in an attorney's office, and came up with complimenting wills we both feel okay about. Can you talk to your husband about this?

    PS: If I get really bad with a recurrance, my plan is to gift my children with my business while I am still alive in some way that will lessen the inheritance tax. So I plan to do my will over if I get the chance, to then take out reference to my business and the jewelry I would also give away BEFORE I die.

    thank you for your help... I
    thank you for your help... I think this is always a complicated matter. The thing is if it was money earned by me I would have no doubt on leaving my husband in the will together with my 3 children. I have thought about him having economic difficulties If I'm dead...but on the other hand the properties and money I inhereted by my Mother was her hard work...and I promised it would be for her grandchildren. Gee...Thanks again...I'll have to think some more.
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
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    What I did
    My husband gets my retirement savings and my children get my inheritance from my mother. His will does the same. Saundra
  • lnyeholt
    lnyeholt Member Posts: 59
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    lizper said:

    thank you for your help... I
    thank you for your help... I think this is always a complicated matter. The thing is if it was money earned by me I would have no doubt on leaving my husband in the will together with my 3 children. I have thought about him having economic difficulties If I'm dead...but on the other hand the properties and money I inhereted by my Mother was her hard work...and I promised it would be for her grandchildren. Gee...Thanks again...I'll have to think some more.

    check with attorney
    You might consider leaving your money in a trust that specifies your spouse receives a percentage of interest earnings each year or even an annual stipend rather than a set amount. Depending on the age of your children or grandchildren you may not want them to have complete access to the entire inheritance until they reach a certain age or limit withdrawals for education expense or whatever you deem appropriate.

    I agree with Linda’s suggestion to talk this over with your spouse but on the other hand, if you have reasons not to, the reality is that since you’re talking about your will the presumption is you’ll be gone when he finds out how you’ve determined to allot your money. Whether to include your husband in your estate planning discussions is a personal decision but other aspects relating to writing a will or setting up a trust are best made with professional help.

    States have different rules about inheritance, especially by a spouse. In Michigan if retirement savings are to go to someone other than the spouse, the spouse must agree in writing. (This came about because an auto exec left his 401(k) to his secretary and the wife successfully sued!) Also, by statute in my state, a spouse is entitled to 1/3 of the marital estate. (Interestingly, the spouse is entitled to 50% in a divorce) Some states do not consider property acquired prior to marriage or an inheritance part of the marital estate but that can differ depending on where you are domiciled. I would definitely check with an attorney who specializes in estate planning since the laws in each state vary.

    There are other issues to consider when putting a will or a trust in place. I always worry about what will happen in the event I’m still living but unable to make decisions about my money, medical care, etc. so I made sure that I appointed a trustee just in case. A lawyer who works in this area can also help you protect the inheritance from estate taxes, etc.

    Believe me, the money spent for professional advise and taking the time to plan ahead as best you can is well spent. I’ve found that while specialists sometimes charge a larger hourly fee in the long run the cost is less since they are well versed in their area of practice and the time spent is usually less. Check credentials and get references! One friend is battling the IRS because she was given poor advice regarding the distribution of her father’s money when he was stricken with Alzheimer’s. Another close friend has been through a nightmare with her parents in the past few years because she lives in a different state and her mother did not make written arrangements for her care prior to succumbing to senility. Don’t assume the best, especially if your estate is large. Sometimes, even modest sums of money can bring out the worst in the people you would least suspect of taking advantage of such situations!
  • mssonic
    mssonic Member Posts: 3
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    I think..
    first TALK to him about it. Explain how you are feeling and see what he thinks, keeping in mind his first response may not be his end position--he may need some time to think about how he feels. You might be surpised that he understands more than you know.