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Trying to get a grip....

Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2007

Hi. I was diagnosed back in October of '07 with stage 4 ovarian cancer, already metastisized to my liver. At the time of diagnosis, my CA125 was nearly 23,000 (that's not a typo). They gave me six months to live. The good news is, I'm still here (hoo-ray). The bad news is, we may be running out of treatment options.

Since that fateful October, I've done taxol/carboplatin, surgery, gemzar/cisplatin/avastin, doxil/cytoxin/avastin, topotecan/abraxane/avastin, and am now back on just carboplatin. The darn cancer just keeps mutating and getting resistent to everything we throw at it. Now the doctors are saying that it's no longer a matter of curing me (not gonna happen, so they say) and the new goal is just keeping me alive for as long as we can with chemo while maintaining a reasonable quality of life.

Well, the quality of life thing is probably already past. I have very bad ascites to the point where my belly is so swollen that it's actually pushed my belly button inside out. I have constant pain, pressure, aches, back pain, shortness of breath, etc. Moving around is very difficult. I don't sleep well because the pain often wakes me up. A pre-paracentesis sonagram (ultrasound?) showed that the way the fluid is distributed renders the procedure useless.

I don't want to give up, but I could sure use a break, if you know what I mean. No pain, no cancer, no family issues, just relax and catch my breath.

There's no real purpose to this post other than to whine a bit and to ask if anyone has advice on how to keep positive when you constantly feel awful. And to ask if you have a good thought to spare, that you might consider sending it my way.


Best wishes to all my fellow cancer warriors.

kathryn1's picture
Posts: 88
Joined: Jul 2009

I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way. Kathryn

Lisa13Q's picture
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

I'm so sorry you have to go through this horrible experience. If I could I would take every pain and ache away.....I hope you keep the people who you love and trust close to you and I will say a prayer just for you as I go to bed tonight. May your spiritual power give you some relief from your pain...All the best, Lisa

saundra's picture
Posts: 1390
Joined: Mar 2007

You have certainly been through the ringer with the chemo and other treatment. Whine away, if it helps. We'll listen. I am stage IV also and back on chemo for the second time after 20 months of it. I find that the more I focus on things to be grateful for, the less negative thoughts come in. Some people keep a "gratitude list" by actually writing down something everyday and reading it often. (((Hugs and Prayers)))

LPack's picture
Posts: 658
Joined: Oct 2008


I am curious. Are you BRACA2 positive?

In His Grip,

LPack's picture
Posts: 658
Joined: Oct 2008


I am curious. Are you BRACA2 positive?

In His Grip,

Anonymous user (not verified)

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LPack's picture
Posts: 658
Joined: Oct 2008


Yes for me, my sister and my daughter so far.

Posts: 1223
Joined: Jun 2008

thank for sharing your story, and I am so sorry you have to go through all this. Please don't give up, there is always hope.
I am also a 2 year survivor, 3C I have had 4 surgeries and two treatments, and starting doxil next week. I have mets to the cava vein, liver and pancreas. I plan on fighting to the bitter end...

Warm hugs,

Posts: 59
Joined: Mar 2009

You vent all you want.. we are all here for you. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope so much you can have a break to catch your breath.

((Big Hugs))

Posts: 650
Joined: Mar 2003


I am so sorry you're having so much pain in your life right now; but I am glad you've come to our group to share.

I don't know if it's possible at all, but I wonder if you could have a shunt of some sort to drain the fluid. I had a dear friend with OVCA whose husband learned to drain fluid from her lungs so that she wouldn't have to go to the hospital for draining.

I hope you've been able to tell your doctor about your pain, and how terribly uncomfortable you are. I can understand why you might not want to take drugs for it, but I'm not one who wishes to forgo things for pain, myself.

I'm going to send all the positive thoughts and prayers I can for you tonight, and I hope you'll be able to find peace!

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