he gets mad if I control his meds, please help
Comments
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Listen to Your Inner Voice...
What a terrible position to be in. I wish I could be there with you to lend a shoulder. Sounds like an awful lot of different meds for pain, were these all presribed by the oncologist or is it a combination collected from ER, surgeons,Primary Care,e.t.c.? If so,is the oncologist aware. I can see why you are afraid, too much of these combinations could very well be lethal.
I would strongly suggest you go by your 'gut' instinct, don't second guess yourself...what is it telling you?? Jack may very well think that he has it under control, but I'm sure in his state he is forgetful...and probably has a different sense of time passing.
With all you are bearing on your shoulders it looks like you are going to have to take over control of his meds whether he or anyone else gets mad about it. I would also call the Dr. and let him know how Jack is keeping himself sedated. I also feel that Jacks anger towards you for questioning his intake is a real 'Tell,Tell' sign that he may know he is over medicating.
I have controlled all of my husbands meds from day one....he has a very high tolerance for pain...so we only have vicodin. Sometimes so many things are prescribed when being discharged from hospital stays, they'll prescribe more than one med just in case one dosen't work you have something else to try. I don't fill them all at once, I still have a few scripts that were never filled. I would also recommend checking his blood pressure often...you probably already are. I wish I could be of more help...do what your inner voice is telling you and just stand strong against anyone that questions it...YOU are his caretaker and you know more than anyone what is best! Keep Me Posted, Trish0 -
his oncologist prescripedtrish07 said:Listen to Your Inner Voice...
What a terrible position to be in. I wish I could be there with you to lend a shoulder. Sounds like an awful lot of different meds for pain, were these all presribed by the oncologist or is it a combination collected from ER, surgeons,Primary Care,e.t.c.? If so,is the oncologist aware. I can see why you are afraid, too much of these combinations could very well be lethal.
I would strongly suggest you go by your 'gut' instinct, don't second guess yourself...what is it telling you?? Jack may very well think that he has it under control, but I'm sure in his state he is forgetful...and probably has a different sense of time passing.
With all you are bearing on your shoulders it looks like you are going to have to take over control of his meds whether he or anyone else gets mad about it. I would also call the Dr. and let him know how Jack is keeping himself sedated. I also feel that Jacks anger towards you for questioning his intake is a real 'Tell,Tell' sign that he may know he is over medicating.
I have controlled all of my husbands meds from day one....he has a very high tolerance for pain...so we only have vicodin. Sometimes so many things are prescribed when being discharged from hospital stays, they'll prescribe more than one med just in case one dosen't work you have something else to try. I don't fill them all at once, I still have a few scripts that were never filled. I would also recommend checking his blood pressure often...you probably already are. I wish I could be of more help...do what your inner voice is telling you and just stand strong against anyone that questions it...YOU are his caretaker and you know more than anyone what is best! Keep Me Posted, Trish
his oncologist prescriped all of them, I just don;t know what to do, the mood swings, the throwing things when he gets mad, and the apology later it is getting too much, He was sedated all day yesterday, and now today he is acting like nothing happen, Im tired trish, I did not sleep again last night , I have colitis and I can not even take care of my self becasue I quit my job and I have no health insurance, well I did not realize I running low on time we have a doctors appoitnemtn I cant handle anymore bad news0 -
pain management
Pattynonews...
First - make sure that the medical oncologist knows ALL the medicines he is taking, their strengths (mg) and dosages (times per day).
Second, if you can create a chart on a Word or Excel document, create a med sheet - you can do weekly per page. On one column list the medicine and strength, next column number of times per day to take, next column times for dosages, then the rest for making a note of when you've actually given it.
I have done this and it really helps me to SEE how often I am giving pain medicine and decide to give more or a different kind. If this is hard I can email you a "template" so that you just fill in the spaces.
Also, a person taking medicine for pain continues not because they are addicted but because they are in pain. So, don't be afraid to allow him to be pain free even if it makes him sleepy. My mother-in-law does do a lot of sleeping, but when she wakes she is fresh and relieved. I can see the difference in her face.
If you believe that he is medicating his emotions (running away to sleep), this needs to be discussed with his doctor and an antidepressant prescribed, if possible.
One important thing to think about, also, is Jack's ability to remember his medicine schedule... I used to set pills out for my mother-in-law to take but stopped when I'd find pills on the floor or stashed away in kleenex in her purse (or other places). While she does understand most of what she is taking and why, I had to take control of dosing to make sure that we have best effect and to avoid an overdose (I went through ALL her bags to find any loose pills - I was afraid she'd take too many at once).
You know Jack better than all of us - but I am guessing that, man or not, he is scared and has not been given the tools as he grew up to express and process these feelings constructively. Let him know that you are scared too and that you are doing your best to help him be comfortable AND safe.
Fatima0 -
Take care of yourselfpattynonews said:his oncologist prescriped
his oncologist prescriped all of them, I just don;t know what to do, the mood swings, the throwing things when he gets mad, and the apology later it is getting too much, He was sedated all day yesterday, and now today he is acting like nothing happen, Im tired trish, I did not sleep again last night , I have colitis and I can not even take care of my self becasue I quit my job and I have no health insurance, well I did not realize I running low on time we have a doctors appoitnemtn I cant handle anymore bad news
You need to take care of yourself... easier said than done. I did not take a shower for a week after mother-in-law came home (peee-yewww).
But, you really need to find out about respite care. Get family member, friend, church member to come for a couple hours if he really needs close supervision to sit while you run that errand, see the doctor, take that long shower and clip your nails...
Imagine the task of a lifeguard saving a drowning person. If the person is thrashing about it becomes dangerous to try and save the person. The rescuer may let him tire himself out (if he can't convince him to calm down) then grab him. The rescuer is making sure that he himself will survive the ordeal. You need to make sure that you survive the ordeal.
Fatima0 -
amy i making the right decisionsSonSon said:pain management
Pattynonews...
First - make sure that the medical oncologist knows ALL the medicines he is taking, their strengths (mg) and dosages (times per day).
Second, if you can create a chart on a Word or Excel document, create a med sheet - you can do weekly per page. On one column list the medicine and strength, next column number of times per day to take, next column times for dosages, then the rest for making a note of when you've actually given it.
I have done this and it really helps me to SEE how often I am giving pain medicine and decide to give more or a different kind. If this is hard I can email you a "template" so that you just fill in the spaces.
Also, a person taking medicine for pain continues not because they are addicted but because they are in pain. So, don't be afraid to allow him to be pain free even if it makes him sleepy. My mother-in-law does do a lot of sleeping, but when she wakes she is fresh and relieved. I can see the difference in her face.
If you believe that he is medicating his emotions (running away to sleep), this needs to be discussed with his doctor and an antidepressant prescribed, if possible.
One important thing to think about, also, is Jack's ability to remember his medicine schedule... I used to set pills out for my mother-in-law to take but stopped when I'd find pills on the floor or stashed away in kleenex in her purse (or other places). While she does understand most of what she is taking and why, I had to take control of dosing to make sure that we have best effect and to avoid an overdose (I went through ALL her bags to find any loose pills - I was afraid she'd take too many at once).
You know Jack better than all of us - but I am guessing that, man or not, he is scared and has not been given the tools as he grew up to express and process these feelings constructively. Let him know that you are scared too and that you are doing your best to help him be comfortable AND safe.
Fatima
Thanks Fatima, I have the charts, i write them all down, Jack even rights them dowm but there are days he will take something without me knowing it like yesterday he took 2 valiums at one time, There is no one else to help, all his friends will say yea what ever you need we are there, well I am finding out that does not happen only when it is convient for them, His sister works all the time, He has his dad but he is 85 , I just get scared he will take something that will make him not wake up, he is on an antidepressant, he has bi-polar so that does not help the emotional ground, His oncologist knows all his meds and dose, I think I just have to get use to him sleeping alot I just get lonely and miss his company, His sister says let him stay sedated, and if he goes that will be the best way, what a hell of a thing to say, and she said Jack is not here to keep me entertained, which I think was a horrible thing to say, I had to quit my job to take care of her brother and I just get so upset when she says things like that, I too deserve to have a life, Somethimes I ask my self am I making the right decision,0 -
Pattypattynonews said:amy i making the right decisions
Thanks Fatima, I have the charts, i write them all down, Jack even rights them dowm but there are days he will take something without me knowing it like yesterday he took 2 valiums at one time, There is no one else to help, all his friends will say yea what ever you need we are there, well I am finding out that does not happen only when it is convient for them, His sister works all the time, He has his dad but he is 85 , I just get scared he will take something that will make him not wake up, he is on an antidepressant, he has bi-polar so that does not help the emotional ground, His oncologist knows all his meds and dose, I think I just have to get use to him sleeping alot I just get lonely and miss his company, His sister says let him stay sedated, and if he goes that will be the best way, what a hell of a thing to say, and she said Jack is not here to keep me entertained, which I think was a horrible thing to say, I had to quit my job to take care of her brother and I just get so upset when she says things like that, I too deserve to have a life, Somethimes I ask my self am I making the right decision,
I'm so very sorry that you have this problem. It seems odd to me that his onc would prescribe so many different meds. Maybe you should talk to the onc yourself? In the beginning of my husbands dx he was prescribed something to help him sleep. It was so strong that he would just sleep for 12+ hrs at a time. I worried because their were other meds that were scheduled for him and he didn't even wake up to eat. I called his doc and had a long talk about that and we changed the med routine. I don't know what advice to give you because your husband monitors his own meds while I take care of my husbands. I would be terrified if he took them himself. Especially when chemo affects your memory and what if he didn't even remember taking it? And I'm also sorry that your hubbys sister says such things to you. Please let us know how things are going for you dear one.0 -
please someone tell meMichelleP said:Patty
I'm so very sorry that you have this problem. It seems odd to me that his onc would prescribe so many different meds. Maybe you should talk to the onc yourself? In the beginning of my husbands dx he was prescribed something to help him sleep. It was so strong that he would just sleep for 12+ hrs at a time. I worried because their were other meds that were scheduled for him and he didn't even wake up to eat. I called his doc and had a long talk about that and we changed the med routine. I don't know what advice to give you because your husband monitors his own meds while I take care of my husbands. I would be terrified if he took them himself. Especially when chemo affects your memory and what if he didn't even remember taking it? And I'm also sorry that your hubbys sister says such things to you. Please let us know how things are going for you dear one.
I think I am just going to just have to put my foot down and tell him how it is going to be, Or is I will have to leave, I won't let him be in pain I will give him what he needs when he needs it but I will not let him be in control , I know that sounds terrible, but I have no support from his sister, she just says let him be sedated, he's happy She says he has always done drugs so that is his life, well I can't sit here and watch it, I wish I knew what he was feeling if it is really the pain of cancer or his he trying to get high, what can someone tell me, SOmeone please tell me is he in pain is the body just tired he has not been on chemo , is it all the hospital visits and the trauma on his body, am I over reacting, Jack is a musician he lived the Rockstar live in all aspect, from the drugs and drinking and all night partying and just living his dream for the pass 30 years of playing the drums, He has just live the total dream of being a drummer, And maybe his body has a very high tolerate for the drugs, but he has a low tolerance for pain, And I am so suprised beside the cancer Jack is the healthies person you will ever meet, perfect blood pressure , liver function test are always normal, his blood work has always been normal except for the infection, So if someone can enlighten me,0 -
Monitor his meds & make it clear to himpattynonews said:please someone tell me
I think I am just going to just have to put my foot down and tell him how it is going to be, Or is I will have to leave, I won't let him be in pain I will give him what he needs when he needs it but I will not let him be in control , I know that sounds terrible, but I have no support from his sister, she just says let him be sedated, he's happy She says he has always done drugs so that is his life, well I can't sit here and watch it, I wish I knew what he was feeling if it is really the pain of cancer or his he trying to get high, what can someone tell me, SOmeone please tell me is he in pain is the body just tired he has not been on chemo , is it all the hospital visits and the trauma on his body, am I over reacting, Jack is a musician he lived the Rockstar live in all aspect, from the drugs and drinking and all night partying and just living his dream for the pass 30 years of playing the drums, He has just live the total dream of being a drummer, And maybe his body has a very high tolerate for the drugs, but he has a low tolerance for pain, And I am so suprised beside the cancer Jack is the healthies person you will ever meet, perfect blood pressure , liver function test are always normal, his blood work has always been normal except for the infection, So if someone can enlighten me,
Hi,
I don't post much here on the caretaker site, but you need to take over his meds. I have had alot of friends who have partied hard all there life and I don't want to pass judgement
but you can't know which it is. I can't blame him for wanting to just be high but when the pain gets worse you will not be able to control it without over sedating him.
Put your foot down and if his sister doesn't like it tell her to shove it. You can only do
him good.
Go back over his meds with his oncologist and ask if there is a different set of medications that will help him but be less sedating.
Does the Dr. know about his past drug use and his resistance to medications? These things need to be discussed, and you as a caregiver have to be the bad guy. I know it's hard but you care if you didn't you wouldn't be there. So tell him that!
My husband has a hard time just tolerating the percodan & ativan so if I think that he seem
alittle out of it I just tell him if he doesn't need to take it then wait a couple of hours
I can tell when he is in pain & uncomfortable. I have had control over his medications form the start. We also have a sheet and he does for get to tell me when he takes his meds. so now I have med container for the day and fill it with only the meds he will need for the day & I can tell if he has taken them or not. There not expensive and easy to fill
and I keep the rest of his meds, this way it's easier for me and he doesn't over medicate.
Keep in mind these are all suggestions, but if your so afraid that your not sleeping it can't be good.
Take control, Let him know that you will not withold anything but he really shouldn't have
extra you will know in your gut if he truely needs them or just want's them.
Stay strong
Kath0
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