any teachers out there?

LT
LT Member Posts: 31
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I've been putting off telling my students about my bc since I don't have a date for surgery yet. But I'm having to be out to go meet with docs, so they know something's up for me to be out the first week of school. It's a tiny town so I need to tell them, but I'm unsure how. Normally I don't have a problem talking with them, but we've just had 2 deaths caused by cancer lately, so I don't want to scare them, but I don't want them to hear it from rumors either. (They're 9 year olds) I get the shakes just thinking about it.Any advice would be appreciated. LT

Comments

  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Well, it occurs to me that
    Well, it occurs to me that you come under the heading of "how do I tell my kids", multiplied by however many are in your class! I for one love honesty~ and of course, age appropriate information. I would tell them that you have something difficult to tell them, and you will need their help. Help? In what way? Well, my tumor was the size of a walnut..if you have any idea what size yours is, maybe you can dispel some fear ( for both of you) by drawing a walnut on the chalkboard, and telling them that you are going to have surgery to take something that size out of your body. Where on your body is up to you to tell.
    And that the medicine to help make sure the tumor doesn't grow back will make your hair fall out. Here is where they can help you: I don't know what kind of hairstyle you have now, but maybe you can bring pictures of different hairstyles to the classroom with you. Let them know you will need them to help you to choose a hairstyle ...which will be a wig, of course. And, maybe you can even get one of those Rainbow Clown wigs to wear now and again. Or let everyone wear hats/caps in the classroom on Fridays. Have a Dare ya day~ dare them to sing, or tell a joke , or dance, or do something silly~ and if they do well, they can dare YOU to take that wig off! The less fear you show, the less they will feel...

    That's my take, anyway! I'm sure our sisters in pink here will give even better suggestions! LOL

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • dmc_emmy
    dmc_emmy Member Posts: 549
    My students were older
    When I was dx with bc, back in 2005, I was teaching hs special education students.

    What I found was that I didn't want to talk about it either. It was interesting, however, my students were amazing and really answered to the call when needed and this opened the floor (if you will) for discussion. It was not always a discussion about cancer, but about life, overcoming challenges, never giving up, hope,...

    I was very ill during my treatments and missed a considerable amount of work. When I did go to work, I tended to be barely functional on my execeptionally bad days. I had some very low achieving students, as well as cognitively impaired intermixed with learning disabled students, and I found that it was often the lowest functioning students who were the most sensitive to my situation. Little had to be said, they just seemed to know what to do and what to say.

    I find that when it comes time to talk with your students, you will know just how much to tell them. It's not any different than how we talk to our own children about sensitive matters. If they want to know more, they will ask and if they don't ask--well, just let the matter work out for itself.

    I also found that my cancer became an excellent teaching tool. I was living proof that one can overcome life's obstacles.

    Yes, it's true that not everyone survives after being dx with cancer. It's something that none of us will ever be able to understand. I also don't understand why so many young children and young adults are stricken with this horrible disease, but it happens. I cannot think of anything more tragic than to be a parent of child with cancer. Cancer affects everyone; loved ones, friends, self, and for teachers-it affects our students. This will never be a good thing, but we can make the best of it and, hopefully, those who are affected by it will become better people because of it (not in spite of it).

    Cancer is not the same thing as a car accident, but both can cause death--though neither is a death sentence. I know of two people who died in auto accidents. One sustained comparable injuries as I did, while the other less serious injuries; though I was not expected to live after my near fatal car accident nearly 14 years ago, I'm still here to talk about it. If the subject of death comes up, you will need to find the words to assure them that you will do your darndest to make sure that you will be around for a very long time.

    It's a tough subject, but that's why we teach: to mold our children into caring thinking adults by dealing with the hard questions as well as the easy ones.

    dmc
  • tlmac
    tlmac Member Posts: 272 Member
    any teachers out there?
    I was teaching a primary unit of developmentally delayed youngsters, ranging in age from 6 to 11, back in 2003 when I was diagnosed. Once my oncologist told me I would be out for the remainder of the school year, I send a brief note home to all parents explaining my upcoming surgery and followup treatment without going into great detail. I also gathered my class together and explained that I had to have an operation and would be missing some school. They wanted to know who would teach them and I explained they'd have a substitute teacher but that I would be checking in with her regularly. They asked when I would be back and I had to tell them not until next year because my doctors wanted me to take time getting better. I asked if any of them had taken medicine that made them sleepy or upset their stomach and several raised their hands. I then explained I'd be taking some red medicine that would make my hair fall out but was necessary to make me better. We all laughed at the thought of my hair falling out and I asked if it would upset any of them to see me without hair. I was pleased that all insisted it would not. We then agreed that I would visit the school whenever my doctors permitted me to and whenever I was feeling strong enough. They asked if they could send emails and make me cards and I told them I would love that.
    I chose not to use the word cancer and none of them asked for more information. I did tell my classroom parents in the letters I sent home and left it up to them how much their children should know.
    I visited the class several times over the following 4 months and the children were always thrilled to see me. They were especially fascinated with my bald head and the ball cap I wore each time I visited!
    Best of luck to you!
    terri
  • djteach
    djteach Member Posts: 273
    any teachers out there?
    Hi LT,

    I was a special education teacher for 26 years. I worked with all age groups but worked with emotionally disturbed kids. These are very bright kids with major behavior problems. I was always open and honest about my b/c and kept them updated throughout the year. They were allowed to email me or come by my house. I lived within walking distance of the school in which I taught. I must say that my students did me proud. Some would email, some would visit and bring parents--especially the ones that I had really connected with. I believe that children are much stronger than we give them credit for. If you're honest with them, they will know and respect you and your privacy when you need it.
    Let me know how it goes! I'd like to learn from your success, too.

    Love and gentle hugs,
    Donna
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    Teachers
    I was diagnosed in February 08 and had surgery in early April. I teach gifted and talented K-12. I went by gut feelings about what and when to tell my students and they were great! The GAVE me a rainbow clown wig once I was bald, sent silly cards, flowers, and a long chain of different origami critters, because they know I love origami. I told them that humor was a great healer and that I would really appreciate it if they would send me jokes and riddles while I was gone (I actually missed very few days). I think that helped both them and me. Aren't kids great? Lynn
  • Tux
    Tux Member Posts: 544
    I am a middle school
    I am a middle school teacher. I had my surgery in the summer, and I am leaving school early to have rads (teaching straight through with no break to get to leave early). The staff knows, but so far no kids have said anything, except when I told them I could not tutor them after school for a few more weeks because I have to go to the doctor every day after school, they asked, "Are you sick?" I said that I had been, but I was getting better.

    I don't want to scare them--they have enough to worry about as it is. I will tell them if they ask. I wish you the best in your treatment.
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    lynn1950 said:

    Teachers
    I was diagnosed in February 08 and had surgery in early April. I teach gifted and talented K-12. I went by gut feelings about what and when to tell my students and they were great! The GAVE me a rainbow clown wig once I was bald, sent silly cards, flowers, and a long chain of different origami critters, because they know I love origami. I told them that humor was a great healer and that I would really appreciate it if they would send me jokes and riddles while I was gone (I actually missed very few days). I think that helped both them and me. Aren't kids great? Lynn

    Well I work in a high school
    Well I work in a high school and I just flat out told them the first day of school this year. I was diagnosed last Spring so most of my incoming kids already knew. I just told them I have breast cancer,I'm very lucky that it was caught early and is treatable, but I will still have to miss lots of days due to the surgery and then chemo and radiation. So far they havn't asked any questions, but we're still in the getting to know you phase, so I'm sure they will.
    I wouldn't give the little one's a lot of info. , just enough to know what's going on with you .
  • pinksister
    pinksister Member Posts: 3
    I'm a teacher asst. When I
    I'm a teacher asst. When I was diagnosed in Feb 08 the teacher I'm w/ showed the children the Charlie Brown movie about the child w/ leukemia. She explained to the children that I had to take special meds that would make my hair fall out and also make me sick and that I would probably miss a lot of school. I think 9 year olds will still like Charlie Brown. Just a suggestion, I hope you find the right words. Be strong it is a scary road but one that GOD has chosen for you to travel down.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    I think that if you appear
    I think that if you appear upbeat and hopeful that they should be ok. I teach 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders and chose not to tell them. We have several that have lost loved ones to cancer and I was concerned that they would be upset and worry that I would die. I think a couple of them figured it out. The parents on the PTA knew. Looking back, I think I probably could have told them and they most likely would have been all right. Who knows?

    Good luck.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    Just an observation
    Have you all noticed how many health care providers and teachers we have on these boards?????
    I also taught, though as a volunteer, 1-3rd grade reading and general whatever the teacher needed for almost 10 years! It is interesting that many of us ( moms included of course) are in the actual business of being nurturers...maybe that's why we are so Kindred!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • djteach
    djteach Member Posts: 273
    You are right chen. We even
    You are right chen. We even went as far as polling our school district and 15% of the entire district had breast cancer. I think there were several thousand, maybe 8,000. Just in the school where I worked, 8 women had breast cancer at one time or another. The statistics are even higher for autoimmune disorders. I truly believe that there is something in the buildings that was/is toxic. It is an odd thing. We are so used to taking care of everyone, except ourselves.

    Love and hugs,
    Donna
  • mickeymom
    mickeymom Member Posts: 117
    any teachers out there?
    I am a newbie to the site and this is my first post. This topic is really important to me. I am a teaching assistant and I work with ELL students in grades K-5 and schoolwide for building duties like the playground. I was diagnosed before school was out in June and had surgery in May. The younger students just knew I was sick, but the older students - 4th & 5th - wanted to know where I was and what was wrong. They ask alot of questions and in the end I told them I had surgery but not that I had bc. They ones who really wanted to know details seemed happy just to know that I had surgery and that now I'm okay.

    Now my bigger issue is my hair. I did have one chemo treatment before school was out but I only missed a couple days. I go in tomorrow for classroom prep and staff meetings and NO ONE has seen me since my hair fell out. I am not comfortable with my wig and I have finally reached a comfort level with my scarves, so that's what I will be doing. I will no doubt have to answer a lot of questions from the students and I plan to answer age appropriately. I don't know if any of the older students will suspect bc but with scarves, it can be an obvious assumption if they have seen it before. I don't think I will keep the truth from them, but hope to handle it on a student by student basis.

    Has anyone been through going back to school in scarves or hats and not wearing a wig? I am pretty anxious about it all. I don't want to give them information that is over their heads.
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    mickeymom said:

    any teachers out there?
    I am a newbie to the site and this is my first post. This topic is really important to me. I am a teaching assistant and I work with ELL students in grades K-5 and schoolwide for building duties like the playground. I was diagnosed before school was out in June and had surgery in May. The younger students just knew I was sick, but the older students - 4th & 5th - wanted to know where I was and what was wrong. They ask alot of questions and in the end I told them I had surgery but not that I had bc. They ones who really wanted to know details seemed happy just to know that I had surgery and that now I'm okay.

    Now my bigger issue is my hair. I did have one chemo treatment before school was out but I only missed a couple days. I go in tomorrow for classroom prep and staff meetings and NO ONE has seen me since my hair fell out. I am not comfortable with my wig and I have finally reached a comfort level with my scarves, so that's what I will be doing. I will no doubt have to answer a lot of questions from the students and I plan to answer age appropriately. I don't know if any of the older students will suspect bc but with scarves, it can be an obvious assumption if they have seen it before. I don't think I will keep the truth from them, but hope to handle it on a student by student basis.

    Has anyone been through going back to school in scarves or hats and not wearing a wig? I am pretty anxious about it all. I don't want to give them information that is over their heads.

    Welcome, mickeymom
    We're glad to have you here. You are amongst survivors.

    I don't have first-hand experience with your profession... Yet, my suggestion is simple: the "medicine" causes hair loss, and - importantly - your hair will grow back. Maybe the other teachers here will have more specific and appropriate advice/suggestions.

    Best wishes to you.
  • LT
    LT Member Posts: 31

    Welcome, mickeymom
    We're glad to have you here. You are amongst survivors.

    I don't have first-hand experience with your profession... Yet, my suggestion is simple: the "medicine" causes hair loss, and - importantly - your hair will grow back. Maybe the other teachers here will have more specific and appropriate advice/suggestions.

    Best wishes to you.

    Mickeymom, I think the kids
    Mickeymom, I think the kids will love the scarves. I think that's what I'll do when the time comes. I'm not sure a wig would work for me - I also have recess duty and the wind blows something fierce out here in W. Texas. However, I have been trying to come up with races, etc. to get these kids away from just leaning on the building and talking the whole recess so I might just try the wig once and if it flies away, they can chase it down the playground for me and viola! there's their exercise!!!!! (If that offends anyone, please let me know and I promise I won't do it again)
    Seriously, I have been thinking about this for several days and my classes over the years have gone through a student's father killed in a car wreck, a father's suicide, parent sent to prison during the year, a mother's cancer, .... and I've dealt with it in the classroom, but this time it's me and it sure feels different to me, but I'm not sure it will be that different for them. In the end, the best I can come up with (since tomorrow is the day)is to try to do like we lovers of children always do - love 'em through it and try to be a good example for them - show them how to live through the good and the bad with grace and dignity and a healthy dose of humor never hurts. I want them to be able to ask questions freely so I am going to try and be as upbeat and positive as possible. Wish me luck!
    I'll be praying for you, Mickeymom - I'll be watching to hear how it turns out. Teachers, by nature, are a compassionate group, so I bet you'll be feeling the love!!!!
  • carnic8488
    carnic8488 Member Posts: 11
    I'm a teacher!
    Hi LT,
    I had my surgery the day after school got out and I'm just starting back. I didn't have to have any chemo or radiation so I didn't have to say anything to my first graders. The staff on the other hand were phenominal when they found out. The cards, e-mails and other kind gestures helped so much. And when I saw everyone at in-service, I was greeted with amazing hugs. I'm not sure what you should tell your kids but I do wish you the best of luck. You could tell them that you have cancer but that you have a very positive treatment plan. Keep us posted.
  • mickeymom
    mickeymom Member Posts: 117
    LT said:

    Mickeymom, I think the kids
    Mickeymom, I think the kids will love the scarves. I think that's what I'll do when the time comes. I'm not sure a wig would work for me - I also have recess duty and the wind blows something fierce out here in W. Texas. However, I have been trying to come up with races, etc. to get these kids away from just leaning on the building and talking the whole recess so I might just try the wig once and if it flies away, they can chase it down the playground for me and viola! there's their exercise!!!!! (If that offends anyone, please let me know and I promise I won't do it again)
    Seriously, I have been thinking about this for several days and my classes over the years have gone through a student's father killed in a car wreck, a father's suicide, parent sent to prison during the year, a mother's cancer, .... and I've dealt with it in the classroom, but this time it's me and it sure feels different to me, but I'm not sure it will be that different for them. In the end, the best I can come up with (since tomorrow is the day)is to try to do like we lovers of children always do - love 'em through it and try to be a good example for them - show them how to live through the good and the bad with grace and dignity and a healthy dose of humor never hurts. I want them to be able to ask questions freely so I am going to try and be as upbeat and positive as possible. Wish me luck!
    I'll be praying for you, Mickeymom - I'll be watching to hear how it turns out. Teachers, by nature, are a compassionate group, so I bet you'll be feeling the love!!!!

    You sound brave to me!
    LT I will be thinking about you tomorrow and hope everything goes well! Your students have been through a lot and if you have successfully steered them through those kinds of difficulties, you are obviously a great teacher. It is different because it's you - but they will probably be more understanding and supportive because of that. I think they don't have a real understanding of the serious nature of bc but they do understand getting sick and then getting better. They will no doubt be comforted and learn from your courage. I love the wig idea - that will get them moving! I'm in the Pacific Northwest so my wigs, scarves, whatever is on my head will be damp from the rain no matter what I do. I figured scarves dry faster than wigs!

    I went in for staff meetings today and no one even mentioned my scarf - in fact I had two people tell me I looked beautiful and one even asked what I've been doing to my skin because I was glowing! You are so right about teachers - we are a very compassionate bunch. We start with students on Wednesday so I'll let you know and I'm so anxious to hear how things go for you. When do you hear about your surgery? It's a long road - I'm through surgery and 6/8 rounds of chemo - but it's a road to recovery and you'll make it just like I am. You're in my prayers!
  • dmc_emmy
    dmc_emmy Member Posts: 549
    djteach said:

    You are right chen. We even
    You are right chen. We even went as far as polling our school district and 15% of the entire district had breast cancer. I think there were several thousand, maybe 8,000. Just in the school where I worked, 8 women had breast cancer at one time or another. The statistics are even higher for autoimmune disorders. I truly believe that there is something in the buildings that was/is toxic. It is an odd thing. We are so used to taking care of everyone, except ourselves.

    Love and hugs,
    Donna

    Donna-I support your statement about bldg toxins...
    I teach at a hs, a fairly old bldg built in the early '70s I beleive, and there have been a number of teachers dx with cancer (male and female). One teacher, passed the day I got my biopsy report back-that was true foreshadowing, eh?

    Due to the high rate of cancer dx, especially in one hallway (one where I spent a considerable amount of time the year I was dx) was tested for poor air quality. The school board promised to publicize the results; however, they never did-even though it was requested of them on several ocassions. One request, by me, was actually voiced at a board meeting during the public response portion. I have not been to a board meeting since that night. I finally gave up, I have a sneaking suspicion of what they found (as does the rest of the staff), since our rate of cancer dx is relatively higher than any other school in the district.

    Well, what's done is done and I doubt if anything more will be said of the matter.

    My question, could this be what is happening to the young ones who are dx with cancer, too? I suppose we will never know until someone forces the issue.

    dmc
  • mmsmax
    mmsmax Member Posts: 9
    I teach pre-ap English in a
    I teach pre-ap English in a junior high school. I was out 7 weeks last year after my mastectomy due to an infection where I ended up having surgery to remove the expander. I never directly talked to my students about it in class, but knew many of the families, and they knew. Don't tell any details, like actually losing a breast. The details are too personal, and kids of any age would have a hard time handling some of those facts. I got lots of cards and a huge posterboard on which my students wrote notes for me. My youngest son was in one of my classes last year, too, so all of his buddies knew. Once you talk to the kids, you will feel relieved. I had my final reconstruction surgery yesterday (implants), and I am home all week. School just started 2 weeks ago, but I felt like I needed to get all of this over with. Good luck with everything!
    Mari
  • LT
    LT Member Posts: 31
    mmsmax said:

    I teach pre-ap English in a
    I teach pre-ap English in a junior high school. I was out 7 weeks last year after my mastectomy due to an infection where I ended up having surgery to remove the expander. I never directly talked to my students about it in class, but knew many of the families, and they knew. Don't tell any details, like actually losing a breast. The details are too personal, and kids of any age would have a hard time handling some of those facts. I got lots of cards and a huge posterboard on which my students wrote notes for me. My youngest son was in one of my classes last year, too, so all of his buddies knew. Once you talk to the kids, you will feel relieved. I had my final reconstruction surgery yesterday (implants), and I am home all week. School just started 2 weeks ago, but I felt like I needed to get all of this over with. Good luck with everything!
    Mari

    I just returned from getting
    I just returned from getting a 2nd opinion with a female general surgeon and the plastic surgeon and I feel such a peace about this day and our decision. I will have bilateral mast. with DIEP same-day reconstruction. A problem with my insurance co. turned out to be a non-issue - thank you God! They said my surgery date won't be for at least a month, so I'm going to wait, let my kids settle in more before I tell them. Thank ya'll for the input - I've been teaching for 30 years and I think there is the most amazing soul-deep sister thing that goes on between teachers and I just love being part of it!
    I'm so looking forward to this next month - not having to frantically look up and read stuff at night and weekends trying to gather info to make the right decision about treatment, wondering, worrying, pacing..... I am going to put this cancer thing to the side for this time and enjoy my husband, family and friends - try to gather my faith,gain some inner peace and just get centered again so I'm ready to fight this dragon and WIN!
    Love and prayers for you all, LT